| AUTHOR |
MESSAGE
|
| chg |
 |
|
Posted: 12/11/2009 4:25 PM |
 |
Subject: She moved back! |
|
|
|
New WomanSaver
Male Member
Age: 41
Total Posts: 2
Spokane
Washington
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
 Send Note
|
I am a friend of someone that posted on this site last Spring (see Sad&married). After gaining all the strength needed from both friends, family and this site, to move her and her son out and start a new life, her controlling husband was able to convince her to move back in early July. Things have *supposedly* been so-so (though it has recently come out that she has told her family things are great, when I was in fact led to believe they were not. Not sure who, besides herself that she is being untruthful to). She recently went on a vacation with him to Hawaii (returns today actually) and claims to have come clean with her family before leaving about some lies in her life, and that she told her husband the same things. At one point he called me to have her tell me to leave her alone and not talk to her, when its always been her choice to do so... I know better than to make contact with him around. She sent an email this morning saying that her heart and soul are with him again and that she is sorry to have treated me so poorly the past 6 months (yes, I have been the sounding board, taking her anger, harse words, lack of friendship in return, etc all in hopes of allowing her to see things for what they are and deciding for herself that she deserves better). Everytime she tries to break away from a friendship she ends up asking for help, support, advice etc. And everytime, I have been there! I have even loaned her money (money that I cannot afford to loan) because her husband controls her finances so much that she can‘t pay bills, buy clothes for her son, etc. I have enabled her, I realize. Something I am not proud of looking back. Had I stood my ground a long time ago, perhaps she would be seeing things in a new light at this time. Instead, after a week of just the 2 of them, he has completely *snowed* her I am sure and after finally giving her a vacation... one she has asked for in 10 years of marriage... I can already see, he will go back to being ‘himself‘. Not having to put on an act to try to show he has changed. He will likely attempt to control and manipulate her more than ever. I have discussed things with her family (as I am a friend to all of them) and voiced my concerns. Her sister understands and knows all the truths, but her parents (that she lived with last Spring) are confused and don‘t know who to believe. She emailed today and wants knows that I contacted her parents and wants to know what was said so she can prepare for what she will be coming back to. I can‘t tell her anything.... I won‘t bail her out this time. She has to learn that her lies to them are not okay and that I will not be a part of them anymore. I know the truths about alot of things she has lied about. I have even called her on many of them (hence the reason she told them a bit before she left on her trip... to clear her conscience). DO I continue to be here for her after she has said she is staying in this verbally and emotionally abusive relationship? Do I watch her suffer something even worse than death? She is already depressed and unhappy. She admits she would be happy out of the relationship.... she just doesn‘t have the strength due to his *hold* on her. I care for her very much...we have become best friends and confide alot in each other. I don‘t want to lose that, but more importantly I don‘t want her to lose herself. Thanks for listening
|
| CaliforniaGirl |
|
|
Posted: 12/12/2009 9:40 AM |
|
Subject: She moved back! |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 0
.gif)
Total Posts: 1889
Women and Cats
California
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
You are a good friend chg. You have been enabling her, which you realize, but now she needs to stand on her own two feet. No more loans. She chose to return and there is nothing you can do about it, even though we all know the outcome. It is her marriage and her life. Just be there to listen when she needs to talk and no more.
|
| chg |
|
|
Posted: 12/12/2009 3:04 PM |
|
Subject: She moved back! |
|
|
|
New WomanSaver
Male Member
Age: 41
Total Posts: 2
Spokane
Washington
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
We DO know what the outcome will be, don‘t we? Knowing myself the way I do, I will be here to listen as always. My 10 year old daughter even gets it! She told me today, "even though its hard to watch your friends not take good care of themselves Dad, all you can do is love them and hope they will accept that love and make themselves better. And just because you are frustrated doesn‘t mean you don‘t love her." She continues to reach out even after her trip. Last night at 1:45 am when she got home, I got a text (which she has to sneak off to send from a phone her husband doesn‘t know she has) saying she was home safely and that it was nice to come home to many encouraging, caring texts that I had left for her on that phone. She appreciates care and concern and love, yet she can‘t/won‘t break free of her captor and seek that out consistently. Hard to be witness to..... knowing someone is crying out for help..... but does not have the strength to reach out a hand. Thank you for your reply CaliforniaGirl. 
|
| CaliforniaGirl |
|
|
Posted: 12/13/2009 7:49 AM |
|
Subject: She moved back! |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 0
Total Posts: 1889
Women and Cats
California
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Your daughter is one smart girl!
|
| malarkey marie |
|
|
Posted: 12/31/2009 6:27 AM |
|
Subject: She moved back! |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 500
Total Posts: 804
Vatican city
Finland
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Her sister understands and knows all the truths, but her parents (that she lived with last Spring) are confused and don‘t know who to believe. She emailed today and wants knows that I contacted her parents and wants to know what was said so she can prepare for what she will be coming back to. I can‘t tell her anything.... I won‘t bail her out this time. She has to learn that her lies to them are not okay and that I will not be a part of them anymore.
little white lie there dude?
you are "part" of her life. because you can‘t stay out of it. she made her choice. clearly one you think is wrong. but you don‘t get to vote anymore. nor talk ABOUT her to anyone. friends keep confidences. shut it.
you‘re almost out of this mess, get the rest of the way out.
and don‘t try telling me you‘re not "waiting". you are. and i understand, believe me. but just do it with a little pride. go no contact.
it‘s best for you. i promise.
|
| fostec |
|
|
Posted: 1/2/2010 10:18 PM |
|
Subject: She moved back! |
|
|
|
WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 29
Total Posts: 46
Hamilton
Canada
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
*FACEPALM*
You know, I think the evil controlling husband who won‘t let his wife talk to the guy she is "not" sleeping with and the sick, mentally ill wife who is such a drain on a man should get together...but what would two fictional characters do on a date?
This post is so utterly transparent. She took him back. She didn‘t come running to you, even after you tried to prove your undying love to her. Okay, so you have two choices...get a pair of binoculars and sit in a tree outside her house, or go spend your money on a nice SINGLE girl who needs a shoulder to snivel on.
And for the love of god, stop hanging around and courting married women. I swear, they were writing texts about this in midieval times. Have we just been not paying attention for the last several hundred years?
Shoulda had a V8?
|