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| kevmitchell1 |
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Posted: 11/28/2009 2:52 PM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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New WomanSaver
Male Member
Age: 27
Total Posts: 6
reston
Virginia
United States
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I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. It was a public event at an art gallery. She was a high school teacher in her early thirties. We had been talking for a good half hour and really seemed to be hitting it off. We had even made tentative plans to meet for coffee sometime.
Then, things suddenly went downhill. I commented that she had a “nice, full, hourglass figure”. I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended. She snapped, “Oh really….well perhaps I should do some plus size modeling!” I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments but I think I only exacerbated things when I used the term “healthy”. With a look of complete disgust, she slapped my face and departed.
I will never forget those agonizing moments in the immediate aftermath, as I was standing there alone rubbing my cheek, drawing some judgemental stares from onlookers. Needless to say, it was not my proudest moment, LOL.
She had the classic figure of a 50’s pinup - large bust, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted “hourglass” as meaning big/overweight/full figured. I just thought it meant shapely and well proportioned.
When I told a female friend about this she shook her head and said it was never a good idea to comment on a woman’s figure, even if I thought it was complimentary. What do you think about this?
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| Africanguy |
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Posted: 11/28/2009 5:40 PM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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WomanSaver Addict
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Age: 25
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Juanito
Brazil
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I‘d say you should not compliment a woman you just met anyway. Wait until you hear something from her first.
If you show that you are too much into her before she is into you, it will go downhill.
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| learning |
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Posted: 11/28/2009 10:31 PM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 4
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Around the Corner
Nebraska
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Well, I think slapping you was a bit much. Maybe she has a poor self image for whatever reason(s). Still, you would have no way of knowing that. Assuming you were sincere with your compliment and follow-up damage control, I‘d have to say she acted like a bit of a loose cannon. After all, she could have just walked away if she was so disgusted. What‘s wrong with saying you like somone‘s hourglass figure??? I don‘t think you did anything wrong. You liked what you saw and spoke up about it.
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| Busty Superior |
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Posted: 11/29/2009 11:28 AM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 81
Total Posts: 2357
The Almighty Attitude
Djibouti
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This is how I read your situation. You just met a woman you are verbally hitting off with and you went into pig mode. You might as well as said "I would really like to see you naked." Your comment would have been better served after a couple of dates,
Soo....did she make spit fly out of your mouth?? I like this gal already. If you got her phone number call her, apologize and ask for that coffee date. This spicy woman just might make a gentleman out of you yet.
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| CaliforniaGirl |
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Posted: 11/29/2009 1:16 PM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Women and Cats
California
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A slap in the face is a bit extreme, but commenting on a person’s figure who you just met is out of line. Comments like that makes a woman think all you want to do is get her into bed. How would you feel if you have just met a woman, you are chatting, and her eyes are checking out your body landing on your crotch? She then says she likes the shape of your dick.
A compliment is “I like your outfit” or “That is a beautiful dress” or “You have beautiful eyes.” Not “Nice butt.”
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| kevmitchell1 |
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Posted: 11/29/2009 1:30 PM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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New WomanSaver
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Age: 27
Total Posts: 6
reston
Virginia
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<<Soo....did she make spit fly out of your mouth?? I like this gal already. If you got her phone number call her, apologize and ask for that coffee date. This spicy woman just might make a gentleman out of you yet.>>
lol....it was a rather impressive slap that left a nice red mark. She really seemed like a sweet, classy woman so I do feel badly that I upset her. I guess I can blame part of it on overactive male hormones coupled with having had a few glasses of wine. Hey, it‘s not every day you meet a really pretty Asian woman with 34-D‘s ;-) I do have her email address so I could send her an apology note and try for a coffee date.
On another note, I had to explain the red mark on my cheek to my room-mate when I came home that night. He then proceeded to tease me about it relentlessly. Oh well, maybe I should just look at my first slap from a woman as yet another rite of passage into manhood, LOL.
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| Kahlan |
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Posted: 11/29/2009 4:12 PM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Slapping is never, ever justified. In any circumstances.
Having said that, I think you were a bit too straight-forward with a woman you barely met. I don‘t know what it‘s like in the States, but around here, Asian women have to deal with a lot of prejudice. People assume that because they‘re Asian, then they must be prostitutes, or strippers, and as a result, these girls are always on the defensive - because most of them aren‘t.
Since you have her e-mail, tell her you‘re sorry, that you didn‘t mean it the way she perceived it. Then pay her a compliment on her intellect and her charisma or something, and try to add a little detail to prove to her that you really were paying attention to the conversation and her personality, rather than drooling into her cleavage!
If, on the other hand, you really can‘t remember anything she said to you, forget it ;)
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| kevmitchell1 |
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Posted: 11/29/2009 4:18 PM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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New WomanSaver
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<<Then pay her a compliment on her intellect and her charisma or something, and try to add a little detail to prove to her that you really were paying attention to the conversation and her personality, rather than drooling into her cleavage!>>
lol....I wouldn‘t say she was dressed provocatively but she was wearing a form fitting top and showing a little bit of cleavage, and as I had said, she was pretty well endowed. How can women expect men not to take notice??
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| Kahlan |
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Posted: 11/29/2009 4:21 PM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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So you really weren‘t paying attention? ;)
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| Wire |
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Posted: 11/29/2009 5:59 PM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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It she‘s liable to interpret a compliment as an insult, there is a good chance she has some major insecurity issues.
She sounds really nice outside of that but unfortunately, insecurity is one of those things that can ultimately destroy any relationship. Just imagine all the deal-breakers that stem from a poor self-image.
In my opinion, that much of a personal hangup isn‘t good for anyone.
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| shelbelle |
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Posted: 11/30/2009 6:47 AM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 23
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lalaland
North Carolina
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it doesnt feel like it was a compliment and probably she thought her figure was what you were paying attention too. i think there were many other things she could have done rather than slap you. we get loads and loads of attention all the time for our figures and not so much for our hearts and minds. you can try and apologize but i dont know that anything else will happen with her.
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| Busty Superior |
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Posted: 11/30/2009 7:13 AM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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The Almighty Attitude
Djibouti
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Well Kev, in all your posts you can‘t get off the woman‘s breasts. IMHO you need to go to the bar and pick someone up there who out for the same thing you are. I‘ve decided you probably won‘t have much luck with the teacher. You showed where you are coming from right off the bat and she is one smart cookie for seeing it!
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| Kitty Kitty |
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Posted: 11/30/2009 9:53 AM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Americas Finest Citee
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| Busty Spumonte wrote: | Well Kev, in all your posts you can‘t get off the woman‘s breasts. IMHO you need to go to the bar and pick someone up there who out for the same thing you are. I‘ve decided you probably won‘t have much luck with the teacher. You showed where you are coming from right off the bat and she is one smart cookie for seeing it! |
Couldn‘t have said it better!!
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| kevmitchell1 |
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Posted: 11/30/2009 2:51 PM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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New WomanSaver
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Age: 27
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reston
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<<Well Kev, in all your posts you can‘t get off the woman‘s breasts. IMHO you need to go to the bar and pick someone up there who out for the same thing you are. I‘ve decided you probably won‘t have much luck with the teacher. You showed where you are coming from right off the bat and she is one smart cookie for seeing it!>>
I‘m actually a pretty nice guy. If anything, I‘ve been too shy around women in the past. My sister told me I need to take more bold moves if I wanted more dates. I guess there can be fine line between what‘s considered a bold move and what‘s considered sleazy, as I learned the hard way. I am going to email her to apologize. I really do think this is salvageable
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| Kahlan |
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Posted: 11/30/2009 4:32 PM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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| kevmitchell1 wrote: | | I guess there can be fine line between what‘s considered a bold move and what‘s considered sleazy, as I learned the hard way.
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This! Ya got it cowboy!
Good luck and let us know how it comes out :)
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| MrTrueBlue |
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Posted: 11/30/2009 4:43 PM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 37
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Peoria
Illinois
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hourglass figures, in my opinion, are the best. I don‘t like skin and bones model types.
I want curves dammit!!
I‘d say her reaction is a red flag as to what kind of things to expect in a relationship with her. too much drama.
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| Busty Superior |
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Posted: 11/30/2009 9:25 PM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 81
Total Posts: 2357
The Almighty Attitude
Djibouti
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| kevmitchell1 wrote: | <<Well Kev, in all your posts you can‘t get off the woman‘s breasts. IMHO you need to go to the bar and pick someone up there who out for the same thing you are. I‘ve decided you probably won‘t have much luck with the teacher. You showed where you are coming from right off the bat and she is one smart cookie for seeing it!>>
I‘m actually a pretty nice guy. If anything, I‘ve been too shy around women in the past. My sister told me I need to take more bold moves if I wanted more dates. I guess there can be fine line between what‘s considered a bold move and what‘s considered sleazy, as I learned the hard way. I am going to email her to apologize. I really do think this is salvageable |
Do you still have a red mark??
Rub it often and wonder what else teacher has to dish out?
Maybe the attraction is you are a secret boy toy?
I am curious!
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| kevmitchell1 |
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Posted: 12/2/2009 7:50 PM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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New WomanSaver
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reston
Virginia
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I have a great update! I emailed her and she accepted my apology. We met at the coffee shop and talked for a good two hours. I just got back a little while ago. We ended up having quite a bit in common from recreational pursuits to general beliefs and values.
She actually brought up the incident at the art gallery and explained that in addition to being weight conscious, she has too often had to deal with men who look at her in a sexual/physical way. So my comments struck a nerve on two fronts. She said she was actually more disappointed with me than angry, since I seemed like a gentleman at first. She was impressed that I contacted her to express my apologies and remarked that it was quite “chivalrous” and not typical of most men, who would have been bitter about being slapped by a woman in public and too proud to apologize.
As we were leaving, she gave me a big hug and a peck on the cheek. What an improvement over last time, lol. We‘ll definitely be getting together again :-)
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| learning |
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Posted: 12/2/2009 8:26 PM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Around the Corner
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Sweet, Kev! Best of luck to both of you!
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| shelbelle |
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Posted: 12/3/2009 6:38 AM |
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Subject: women and body image |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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lalaland
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| kevmitchell1 wrote: | |
I have a great update! I emailed her and she accepted my apology. We met at the coffee shop and talked for a good two hours. I just got back a little while ago. We ended up having quite a bit in common from recreational pursuits to general beliefs and values.
She actually brought up the incident at the art gallery and explained that in addition to being weight conscious, she has too often had to deal with men who look at her in a sexual/physical way. So my comments struck a nerve on two fronts. She said she was actually more disappointed with me than angry, since I seemed like a gentleman at first. She was impressed that I contacted her to express my apologies and remarked that it was quite “chivalrous” and not typical of most men, who would have been bitter about being slapped by a woman in public and too proud to apologize.
As we were leaving, she gave me a big hug and a peck on the cheek. What an improvement over last time, lol. We‘ll definitely be getting together again :-)
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congrats kev! thanks for letting us know how this turned out.
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