WomanSavers.com Forum / MEN'S AREA / ladies, what about this situation

Ladies, tell me if I was some sort of azzhole for my take on a matter.  I don‘t think I was, but what if a guy broke up with you for the following reason.

Quite a few months ago I ended a relationship with a woman because of something she said to her friends with me at a party(more like a get together, not a party in the typical sense)

We were standing there and one of her friends said to her, something along the lines of, "so, looks like you found yourself a keeper...not the typical guy you are use to being with"....I thought nothing of that comment ....until she said:

"well you know, the bad boys were fun in their days, but I like them well adjusted and stable now"......to which I immediately replied, in front of her friends, "uh....what?"

You could see the look on her friends‘ faces when they realized, I think, she screwed up with that comment.  I said, "glad to see I‘m being settled for"

She immediately tried to play it off as that isn‘t how she meant it.  So I forgot about the comment for the evening...but later on as we were on our way back to my place, we discussed the comment.  I told her I was insulted by that comment....meaning she liked the thrill of the "bad boys", but I was simply a well adjusted guy that wouldn‘t treat her the way they did....therefore I felt I was being settled for.

Well, the relationship didn‘t end that night...but it slowly fizzled out of my own desire because I wasn‘t going to be someone that was used to bad boys, and then decided they simply didn‘t want to be treated bad anymore. 

My feeling is she probably still wanted the fun and had fond memories of the jerks that she was with in the past.....and what is my comparison(even though I can tear it up in the bedroom with the best of them)??  that I‘m a "stable and nice guy". 

So the relationship took a turn for the worse after that night and I ended up losing interest in her.  And in the end she asked what she did wrong and I simply told her that I wasn‘t her type and that I felt she was only with me because I treated her well, when she really had a thing for other types of guys.

don‘t get me wrong, I am in better shape than I was in my 20‘s, I feel I am attractive....I just don‘t go around thinking my sh#t don‘t stink and am all cocky, which too many times is mistaken for "confidence".

So do you think I had a right to be put off by what she said in front of her friends?

Blue, you really need to find your self-esteem or you are going to ruin every relationship you have.  Not every woman is your ex, but you seem to think they are.

I don‘t think she meant it negatively toward you...HOWEVER, your feelings are valid...and if it changed the way you felt about her so be it.

I do agree with Busty too though. If you were head over heels for her in the first place...you may have looked at it in a different light...Like a compliment...for being the great, thoughtful, caring guy you are.

First off,  please explain your comments.

Why shouldn‘t you date somebody that is divorced?

Why shouldn‘t you date a single mother?

Why would any man want to date a 20 year old when they are in there 40 or 50. 

Sorry buddy you may want a trophey on your arm,  but oneday really soon its not going to be about sex and you better have somebody by yourside that you enjoy being with  somebody you can talk to.  Not some airhead that thinks  Maddon wrote the song,  Bye Bye  Miss American Pie.

MTB  first you know I think the world of you!

You also know that I was married to a bad boy and now I am with a wonderful nice, respectable, responsible man.

I have had comments made to me,  wow he is different then your ex.  Yes he is,  but that isn‘t the reason I am with him.  I enjoy his company,  we have a lot in common. 

If somebody said you are done with the bad boys to me.  I would say HELL YES,  I realize how wonderful life is with a man that loves me,  is responsible and makes me very happy.  In turn  I love him,  I am responsible and I make him very happy.  I never would want to go back,  but the reason I don‘t want to go back is because I am with the person I want to be with.

If a comment like that made you not want to be with her,  Then she isn‘t right for you,  or you still have issues with being left for a bad boy.  We both know that you ex is hating life with her bad boy now!  Sad that she had to break up her family.

Oh and yes MTB,  Sex with nice guys  are is so much better then sex with a selfish asshole that thinks he is heman!

"First off,  please explain your comments."

Ok.

"Why shouldn‘t you date somebody that is divorced?"

It‘s obvious. If a man or woman is divorced, she/he already failed one time. You can rationalyze to feel better "hey, it‘s all fault of his ex wife", or "it‘s her hubby who is to blame", but certainly, there is a good reason to think that a failed once will become failed twice. You can check that, in statistics, second and third marriages have a higher rate of divorce than the first one. So if the first one failed, there are even more odds that the second one will too.

Besides, if a man or woman is divorced already, odds are they have kids, and they are bagage you don‘t want. For example, I would never marry a woman with a child of another man, I don‘t want to live in a anckward situation with a child that is not my own.

For the child is also bad, having to live with strange man, who bosses them around, and many times is not even good for them. I know many guys who are bitter towards their mother for that reason.

"Why shouldn‘t you date a single mother?"

Read above. Also, it‘s even worse when the father is not present, don‘t pay child support, and the man end up supporting them both.

"Why would any man want to date a 20 year old when they are in there 40 or 50.  "

Because they are younger.

Just happens that when women are young, and they are in their "party years", they get around with every crook, jerk, and whatever other adjectives they can give them. So, when they get older, fat, and certain realities of life start knocking in the door, then they try to settle down with the "nice guy", the stable, the "good father", the "good provider", and so on.

Even more when they need to find a chump to take care of the kids they made with the bad boy.

When women get older, the "market" is not favorable for them to explore their sexuality anymore, so who is she going to marry ? Who is she going to settle down with ?

To avoid that, you must date women who are in their party years, in others words, young. You want to be the "fun" guy, not the guy for when the fun is over

You won‘t see hugh hefner dating 50 years old women. For a man there is no good reason for that, unless he cant get a younger woman.

"Sorry buddy you may want a trophey on your arm,  but oneday really soon its not going to be about sex and you better have somebody by yourside that you enjoy being with  somebody you can talk to."

And you can‘t enjoy talking with young women ? That is not even an argument. Older women are not necessarily better at anything. Except they don‘t look as good, and probably have already their bagage.

"  Not some airhead that thinks  Maddon wrote the song,  Bye Bye  Miss American Pie."

Because young and beautifull women are dumb right ?

Livin proof that what I said is VERY common: You are an example:

"If somebody said you are done with the bad boys to me.  I would say HELL YES,  I realize how wonderful life is with a man that loves me,  is responsible and makes me very happy"

If I understood correctly, you spent your youth with a guy you are calling "bad boy", right ? Nothing personal against you, but it is something that is very common.

There is a evolutionary reason for things to be this way, and this kind of stuff happens in many species, not just humans.

I am kinda going of topic, but these is somewhat related to this as well. If you want to stop here, ok.

That is because women are programed to have kids with the male with the best genes, and then, geting the best provider to support them. Women are on their reproductive peak for a short period of time, while men are not. So, when they are in that peak(when they are young), their biologic urges makes them pair up with men who are good genetic material(atractive, masculine, strong, tall, so on an on), but he is not necessarily long term material, which would be a good provider, stable, type.

So suming up, "jerks" when young, childless and free, and then nice guys when old.

Another very important thing.

It has been comproved be science that women change their attraction in times of her menstrual cicle. I will provide a link to studies that show that as soon as I find them. That also is common in many species. How it works ? Simple. When women are in their fertile period, they are attracted to men with more masculine features. In the rest of the month, they are in general more attracted to more feminine types.

That also works for guaranting that the men who are good genetic material pass his genes on to the next generation. The women get in a long term relationship with the man who has more feminine features, but in her fertile period, she is tempted to have an affair with a more masculine type of man.

That is why the "nice guy vs jerks" is common on popular culture, movies, novels, and so on.

Sunny fl, I think you should read this article too.

It‘s a little big, but... I would say a must read. And it‘s written by a woman.

http://www.canadiancrc.com/Newspaper_Articles/Globe_and_Mail_Moms_Little_secret_14DEC02.aspx

I prefer to think that I have a high level of self-esteem and thats why I took offense to what she said.

but could you address the situation please?  she flaunted in front of me about how the bad boys were fun......BUT now she has a stable guy.  Again, that translates to me that I‘m being settled for.  And since I have a good level of self-esteem, I wasn‘t going to settle for a woman that would say such a thing in front of me, and in front of others.

well the way I see it, it would have been the same as if, say for instance, you were with a guy, and he said to his friends in front of you, "sure, she isn‘t the buxom hot stripper that I‘ve had fun with in the past.....but at least I can trust her"

I think you‘d stand back and say, "excuse me???"

Mr True Blue haven‘t I taught you anything? Sure I may be a young buck compared to you, but I woke up to the nasty women and how many there are of them earlier than you thanks to the internet so I have some credibility and I think you know it.

That being said, I‘ll repeat my question. Haven‘t you learned anything? You‘re not supposed to care what people think of how you treat women when they expose themselves and you engage in self preservation. Why the hell do you care what women on here say? Especially since some of them recommend things to cuckolds like counselling and then when I bust them on such a double standard they write it off as, "It‘s not taking her back, it‘s trying to save the marriage." As if it could be saved. LOL. Just look at some of these dumbass comments on here. Women playing on team vagina again.

Do I have to post this frickin article again?
Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless.
http://dontmarry.wordpress.com/2009/03/31/vasectomy-400-speechless-look-on-her-face-priceless/
Notice the last comment:

"I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women."

Now what you described is just yet another case of ****ty women. You were married to one who cheated on you. You previously made a topic that said you refuse to be settled for, and now when you hear you are being settled for, you walk away and then wonder if it was the asshole thing to do? Why the one eighty? You really are spending too much time listening to female advice.

I‘m pretty much your only friend (except for maybe three or four women on this board) and you know it.

Ok.

"Why shouldn‘t you date somebody that is divorced?"

It‘s obvious. If a man or woman is divorced, she/he already failed one time. You can rationalyze to feel better "hey, it‘s all fault of his ex wife", or "it‘s her hubby who is to blame", but certainly, there is a good reason to think that a failed once will become failed twice. You can check that, in statistics, second and third marriages have a higher rate of divorce than the first one. So if the first one failed, there are even more odds that the second one will too.

Besides, if a man or woman is divorced already, odds are they have kids, and they are bagage you don‘t want. For example, I would never marry a woman with a child of another man, I don‘t want to live in a anckward situation with a child that is not my own.

For the child is also bad, having to live with strange man, who bosses them around, and many times is not even good for them. I know many guys who are bitter towards their mother for that reason.

I know men that have raised others children and the children think more of the step father then they do there own father.  Its a crap shoot.  I think that a single parent shouldn‘t bring home everybody the date.  Introduce your date  only when you have gotten to know them and you are in a serious relationship.

I don‘t think I failed at my marriage.  I tend to think I am wiser because of what I have been thru and I look for the red flags that i was blind to before.

"Why shouldn‘t you date a single mother?"

Read above. Also, it‘s even worse when the father is not present, don‘t pay child support, and the man end up supporting them both.

"Why would any man want to date a 20 year old when they are in there 40 or 50.  "

Because they are younger.

Just happens that when women are young, and they are in their "party years", they get around with every crook, jerk, and whatever other adjectives they can give them. So, when they get older, fat, and certain realities of life start knocking in the door, then they try to settle down with the "nice guy", the stable, the "good father", the "good provider", and so on.

Even more when they need to find a chump to take care of the kids they made with the bad boy.

When women get older, the "market" is not favorable for them to explore their sexuality anymore, so who is she going to marry ? Who is she going to settle down with ?

To avoid that, you must date women who are in their party years, in others words, young. You want to be the "fun" guy, not the guy for when the fun is over

You won‘t see hugh hefner dating 50 years old women. For a man there is no good reason for that, unless he cant get a younger woman.

"Sorry buddy you may want a trophey on your arm,  but oneday really soon its not going to be about sex and you better have somebody by yourside that you enjoy being with  somebody you can talk to."

And you can‘t enjoy talking with young women ? That is not even an argument. Older women are not necessarily better at anything. Except they don‘t look as good, and probably have already their bagage.

"  Not some airhead that thinks  Maddon wrote the song,  Bye Bye  Miss American Pie."

Because young and beautifull women are dumb right ?

Well  what happens when those young girls get older?

The american pie story is true,  a man I know was dating somebody 18 years younger and she was dumb as a box of rocks. 

I am sure you have some baggage too.

We all have baggage.  Its part of life.  When you love somebody and want to be with them,  you deal with bagage

Livin proof that what I said is VERY common: You are an example:

"If somebody said you are done with the bad boys to me.  I would say HELL YES,  I realize how wonderful life is with a man that loves me,  is responsible and makes me very happy"

If I understood correctly, you spent your youth with a guy you are calling "bad boy", right ? Nothing personal against you, but it is something that is very common.

There is a evolutionary reason for things to be this way, and this kind of stuff happens in many species, not just humans.

I am kinda going of topic, but these is somewhat related to this as well. If you want to stop here, ok.

That is because women are programed to have kids with the male with the best genes, and then, geting the best provider to support them. Women are on their reproductive peak for a short period of time, while men are not. So, when they are in that peak(when they are young), their biologic urges makes them pair up with men who are good genetic material(atractive, masculine, strong, tall, so on an on), but he is not necessarily long term material, which would be a good provider, stable, type.

So suming up, "jerks" when young, childless and free, and then nice guys when old.

hahaha   boy are you wrong

Another very important thing.

It has been comproved be science that women change their attraction in times of her menstrual cicle. I will provide a link to studies that show that as soon as I find them. That also is common in many species. How it works ? Simple. When women are in their fertile period, they are attracted to men with more masculine features. In the rest of the month, they are in general more attracted to more feminine types.

That also works for guaranting that the men who are good genetic material pass his genes on to the next generation. The women get in a long term relationship with the man who has more feminine features, but in her fertile period, she is tempted to have an affair with a more masculine type of man.

That is why the "nice guy vs jerks" is common on popular culture, movies, novels, and so on.

Dude  trust me,  women in there 40  are far more hot sexually then women in there 20‘s.  I didn‘t believe that in my 20 either  but  it is so true.

You keep dating young girls that are looking for a father figure.  I will stick with the amazing man that I have.   You keep buying them stuff and partying with them.  I for one grew out of the party stage.  I don‘t do bars anymore.  I love my life and the man that I am with.  We have a great time together and enjoy life.

Wow  when you put it that way  I would be pissed too.

But MTB  did she mean it that way?

"On the face of it, I believe it was a compliment."

TEEEAAAMMM VAGGINNNAAAA