WomanSavers.com Forum / MEN'S AREA / ladies, what about this situation

no, don‘t feel inferior to them at all....but to me, there was an aspect of a good guy that IS inferior to her to make such a comment.

I‘m fine with who I am and what I can do....she obviously had something in bad boys she likes that she THINKS she is sacrificing now.

and sure, it would be hard pressed to find a woman that hasn‘t dated and highly attracted to players.....but they can keep those opinions to themselves.  If they feel the need to tell me "bad boys were fun"....then my inner reaction is...."then go get one and leave me to find somene that at least can keep their trap shut about them".

Ok, I hate to play devil‘s advocate and agree with Japaneseguy here....but this is exactly what came to mind when that comment was made by her.

that I don‘t have all the qualities that she is REALLY attracted to(which I believe I am very attractive), but I‘m stable and "useful".

kind of like buying a car....I REALLY want a Mustang Shelby!!!!  but I bought the watered down 6 cylinder instead because it gets better gas mileage.

I know men that have raised others children and the children think more of the step father then they do there own father.  Its a crap shoot.  I think that a single parent shouldn‘t bring home everybody the date.  Introduce your date  only when you have gotten to know them and you are in a serious relationship.

so what ? Itt‘s not the best interest of a man to raise someone else‘s child. It‘s just not worth it. A man should look for a young woman to have HIS kids, not to raise another man child. Its just not good.

So your answer is to get a young lady  and raise her the way you want her,  so when she is 35 or 40  she realizes what a loser you are and leaves you.  You are sick,  you have your right to your opinion  but I am sure you will not live a happy life with view like you have.

Look at this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrBVMUVt1Aw&feature=PlayList&p=5B68A07DA90B959A&index=103

And IMO a woman should not look for that. Just the fact that some women even consider it, it just shows their character.

I don‘t think I failed at my marriage.  I tend to think I am wiser because of what I have been thru and I look for the red flags that i was blind to before.

But you have failed. You made choices that did not turned out well. Let me ask you this: Did you had a child with this guy you call "bad boy". Is your current husband supporting him and you ?

You don‘t need to answer if you don‘t want to.

Yes I was married for over 20 years,  I had two children.  I am not married to my boyfriend and no he doesn‘t pay my bills or pay my childrens bills.  I have always and will always pay my own way.  

Well  what happens when those young girls get older?

Well, my friend, you should grow older together. If it works, works, if don‘t well, you move on. One thing is certain.  settling for women over the hill is something that it‘s not in the best interest of a man to do.

The american pie story is true,  a man I know was dating somebody 18 years younger and she was dumb as a box of rocks. 

So are you implying that all young women are dumb ? Also, you know that men doesn‘t care much for inteligence, right ?

I am sure you have some baggage too.We all have baggage.  Its part of life.  When you love somebody and want to be with them,  you deal with bagage.

You mean, you take the bad boy kid as your own right ?

The point is: Is just not worth for a man to invest in another man child. We ALL have baggage ? No. You can speak only for yourself.

hahaha   boy are you wrong

Care to explain a little further ?

Dude  trust me,  women in there 40  are far more hot sexually then women in there 20‘s.  I didn‘t believe that in my 20 either  but  it is so true.

Yeah, And I don‘t believe that at all. Women at 40 just don‘t look as good. If they are 40, they are probably already divorced or have kids, in others words, forcing you to deal with things you don‘t wan‘t to. Things that are not in the best interest of a man to deal with.

You keep dating young girls that are looking for a father figure.  I will stick with the amazing man that I have.   You keep buying them stuff and partying with them.  I for one grew out of the party stage.  I don‘t do bars anymore.  I love my life and the man that I am with.  We have a great time together and enjoy life.

The most ironic thing is that you admits you are an example of everrything I said. I assumed you would try to hide it, but not only you admits, but you also seem to be proud of it. You are not only the same as the woman Mrtrueblue described, but you are proud of it.

You spent your young years having fun, partying with bad boys in bars, and now that you are old, you found a stable nice guy to settle.

you are wrong,  what example am I that you have said?  First  I  refused to put up with a cheater,  I made the choice to be single  yes,  that doesn‘t make me a failer, did my marriage fail,  yes it did.  did I cause that  HELL NO  I didn‘t.  I would never expect a man to raise my kids or pay my bills, plus my kids are grown. 

There are a lot of men that are raising there kids,  do you think that they should also stay single?

What if my husband would have been killed in a freak accident,  do you think I should have stayed single too?

I love being 40,  it is amazing the confidence and secured that come with age.  You may not think a 40 year old is attractive or sexy,  but it sounds to me that that is your issue to deal with,  Thank god I have a real man, that thinks men that date young young girls have issues,  Thank god I found a man that enjoys my company and conversation. 

I wish you luck,  but I don‘t see a happy future for somebody with your line of thinking.

So your answer is to get a young lady  and raise her the way you want her,  so when she is 35 or 40  she realizes what a loser you are and leaves you.  You are sick,  you have your right to your opinion  but I am sure you will not live a happy life with view like you have.

Are you describing your life here ?

My answer is, don‘t settle for less than you worth. Don‘t raise anyone else‘s kids. Be with young women who don‘t see you as a wallet or consolation prize.

you are wrong,  what example am I that you have said? 

It‘s quite simple to see that by just reading your posts. I am sure anyone here already can see that.

First  I  refused to put up with a cheater,  I made the choice to be single  yes,  that doesn‘t make me a failer, did my marriage fail,  yes it did.  did I cause that  HELL NO  I didn‘t.  I would never expect a man to raise my kids or pay my bills, plus my kids are grown. 

You refused to put up with a cheater but you spent your youth with him and had his kids. It‘s not so hard to understand.

What kid rock gained by marrying Pamela Anderson, a woman over 30, divorced, and full of kids from bad boys ? He gained nothing. He is what I call an big idiot. Can you argue that ?

It is not in the best interest of a man to be with a old woman who had kids with bad boys. his best interest is in investing his time and efforts in a young woman who will have his kids.

There are a lot of men that are raising there kids,  do you think that they should also stay single?

If possible. What he should not be doing is look for someone else to take care of them.

What if my husband would have been killed in a freak accident,  do you think I should have stayed single too?

There are circunstances and circunstances. a widow is not the same thing as a divorcee or single mother. ANYWAY, still not in the best interest of a man to get involved.

I love being 40,  it is amazing the confidence and secured that come with age.  You may not think a 40 year old is attractive or sexy,  but it sounds to me that that is your issue to deal with,  Thank god I have a real man, that thinks men that date young young girls have issues,  Thank god I found a man that enjoys my company and conversation. 

I agree with you on this one. Thank god, now that you are 40, already had your kids, and are already divorced you still can find a nice reliable guy. Thank god he has been indoctrinated into feminism to think that men who dates younger have issues, otherwise he would be dating them too...

Let the younger ones to the old Hef. Now those are age apropriate relationships, aren‘t they ?

Still, I think is not in the best interest of that man to be with you. And what about him ? He has his own kids ? He is divorced too ?

I wish you luck,  but I don‘t see a happy future for somebody with your line of thinking.

I am already quite happy and fullfilled, thanks to my pragmatic view of the world. I‘ll keep my younger girlfriend.

African man,  I guess we need to just agree to disagree.

I spent my youth with a man that I loved dearly.  Yes he was a bad boy,  yes he treated me great for the first 20 years.  My husband had a mass mid life crises.  He wacked out.  I tried to forgive him and couldn‘t.  He regretts his actions more then anything.

Your thoughts about dating a younger women baffly me because  there is more then looks and sex to a relationship.  I can‘t imagine spending my life with or having children with somebody just because they are younger and have no baggage.  I can‘t imaging having sex with somebody that I am not madly in love with.  I can not be madly inlove with a man that I can not have a conversation with.  One I have nothing in common with.  Looks are over rated,  its the person that counts.  

African man,  I guess we need to just agree to disagree.

Ok.

I spent my youth with a man that I loved dearly.  Yes he was a bad boy,  yes he treated me great for the first 20 years.  My husband had a mass mid life crises.  He wacked out.  I tried to forgive him and couldn‘t.  He regretts his actions more then anything.

That is very interesting. But your first husband is not part of the point. Your now guy is. Forget you and your ex a little bit. Try to think now in the perspective of your current boyfriend.

Do you honestly think it is in HIS best interest being with you in this stage of his life ? How is his life ? He has an ex wife too ? He has kids ? He is much older than you ?

I can‘t imagine spending my life with or having children with somebody just because they are younger and have no baggage.

If tomorrow you born again as a man you would probably change your mind.

I can not be madly inlove with a man that I can not have a conversation with.  One I have nothing in common with.  Looks are over rated,  its the person that counts.  

You are again assuming things that are not related to the main question. I am not saying you should find anyone younger and start ****ing with them. You are acting like you can‘t have anything in common with younger people, or you can‘t have a conversation with them. That is not the case. Are you saying that you couldn‘t be in love with a man 10 years younger than you ? Cause women like Maddona or Demi don‘t have that problem.

The man I was married to was almost 10 years older then me.  The man I am with now is the same age as me.  We went to school together.  He has been divorced for 8 years.  Yes he has children,  like mine they are all adults. He was off fighting for our country when his wife was screwing the next door neighbor,  he divorced her.  The get along fine now and we have been around each other often (at the kids military graduations and birthday parties) she lives 6 hours away so I don‘t see her all the time,  but several times a year.  Is she my BFF  no,  but I respect that she is the mother of his children.

So being with somebody that is older, I realize that the age differents does come in to play sometimes.  Yes we had alot in common,  but  when he started drinking to the point of being drunk every night.  I was smart enough to get out of that situation.

Some woman in cougar type relationships are making it work  for now. Let see,  I think you are wrong about the money too.  The young girls wil use you like an ATM. 

Do you plan on taken care of all the money in this perfect relationship you are dreaming about?  I feel that the respect for money also comes with age.  live without it a while and it will make you respect it more later.

I believe there has to be more there then sex.  I also believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  My favorite saying is  your are beautiful because I love you,  I do not love you because you are beautiful!

Good luck,  I hope you find you hot young, single,  no kids, no family  girl with no baggage.  I will stick with the wonderful man that loves me for who I am.

Then she‘s not the sharpest knife on the block and will let her words and immature thoughts ruin many positives in her life.

I think you‘re missing something really important here.....

Women dont take players seriously.  Is that what you want?  To NOT be taken seriously?  I believe many women can look back and say thay had a lot of fun dating one...but the guy was still a loser.  LOL You‘ll also be hard pressed to find a woman who wont say they wasted their time dating one.  In the end.... the trouble usually out weighed any fun you might have had.  Once we get over the inital anger...we laugh at them.  LOL

Its notsomuch "good guys" are  stable and useful...its more to the tune you‘re worth a womans time.  You‘re a "real" person...not some flake/poser who thinks he needs to run the countryside lying to women to prove himsllf a stud or some such nonsense.  Players have a pathetic element going on...and they dont even know it.

On the bright side....to any woman who has ever dated one....it has given her valuable insight to what she really wants in a man.  If you find offense to that....it most certainly will be your loss.

Personally...I think you should feel proud she isnt comparing you to a player.

Oh...and for the record.  I feel the true defination of a player is someone who feels the need to lie.  Such cowards!  Not to be confused with the people who are upfront and honest about their "needs!!"

I know many people who could never be happy in a monogamist relationship.  While its not my particular lifestyle choice....I find nothing wrong with it as long as they‘re honest and upfront with their partners.  Its the lowball coward "badboys" we‘re talking about.......

Just sayin......

That‘ll never happen!  LOL

Problem is...it depends on "why" a woman is entertaining one....some women want to tame bad boys.  Some women dont know they‘re in the company of one and some women are jusssst as bad as the bad boy himself! The combo is endless.

The only thing you can really count on is somebody is going to get hurt.

Its toxic as hell!  I learned along time ago to smile pretty as you‘re waving goodbye!  LOL

Once a woman KNOWS shes in the company of a player.  She does one of two things.  She either runs like hell or she goes for the ride.  Unless shes a fool ...she will know without pause its going to be brief, meaningless and probably end up more trouble than its worth.

MTB is a decent guy looking for a decent woman.  Therefore he wishes to be taken seriously.  Clearly his GF knows the difference.  She said so and it scared him off! 

Once a woman KNOWS shes in the company of a player.  She does one of two things.  She either runs like hell or she goes for the ride. 

Exactly my point! This woman he was with when she was younger, she wanted to have fun with those dudes and she did it, now that she is probably old, and probably have a couple of kids with those idiots, she wants to settle down with a stable dude, like MTB.

So in others words, "being worth a woman‘s time", quoting you, is the worst thing possible for any man, in special case of those kind of women. He may be worth her time, but she apparently is not worthy his time.

When she was younger her priorities were differents. She would sacrifice stability in order to get other stuff. The pressure to get a stable relationship with a nice guy will appear as time passes, as women has an expiration date.

Just look at sunny fl words. She says, I don‘t do bars... ...anymore... I don‘t do that... ... anymore...  Meaning: When she was younger her priorities were different.

Like you said, women KNOW who they are dealing with. And then why they are all the time whining about Jerks, when they know who they are dealing with ? Because they choose to be with them regardless of anything else.

And real life example: A few months some friends and I convinced another friend to call of his wedding. And why ? See the situation. He is a college graduated men, who is now starting his carreer near his 30. In his life, he mostly worked and studied, and now he is starting to see the fruits of his efforts, and earning a good deal of money. He never had a big relationship in his life. Now she, is around 25, has one kid no one even knows who the father is, has no real job, no education beyond middle school, and does not sound very smart either. She barely can afford to live on her own.

 Now, I was the one who was the first to convince everyone that we had to do something. He is very naive when it comes to women, and obviously was leting his feelings go too far. He was about to make a huge mistake.

Now what do you think, touchebaby ? This is a match made in heaven ?

Just look at sunny fl words. She says, I don‘t do bars... ...anymore... I don‘t do that... ... anymore...  Meaning: When she was younger her priorities were different.

Do not put words in my mouth!  I never have been a partier!  I have no use for drunks!  I wasn‘t raised that way.  When I was trying to work on my marriage I went to bars,  Then I realized that I am not changing who I am  for  anyman!

Oh and to answer you question from before, 

My man said that he is VERY luck to have me in his life.  He said that I am worth any baggage that may come along with me.  Then he said he hopes that I feel the same way.  He is smart enough to realize that most of us have baggage.

That is a statement from a true man,  not one that wants to controll his woman,  not one that wants to raise his women.  Not one that is a father figure.  You really sound like a young ignorent boy.

MTB.....Wow, it took me awhile to read this thread. I debated whether to tell you my story, as it seems that some people feel the need to jump on your ASS if you do....but what the HELL....I like a good fight....LOL....

When I was young 15-30....I couldn‘t get enough of "the bad guys"....I even married them...LOL....who knows why...maybe I craved the drama, because that‘s all I had as a child growing up. Maybe I thought that because my dad was a big drunk that I needed a big badaSS to take care of me, or he would replicate what I knew as a father figure....who knows, who the FUCK cares. All those relationships were brutal. They ALWAYS are. I didn‘t LIKE them, was NOT happy in any of them, but I guess I just NEEDED to do them. You see...the problem was ME. When I divorced the last DRUNKEN ASSHOLE, I decided to really search my soul for what I wanted... and I knew that that kind of guy was NOT it.

I needed to get mentally healthy...I needed to break out of that thought process and cycle.

And then I met Prince.....OMG.....I distinctly remember thinking..."he is soooooo queer". And I don‘t mean queer in the sense of homosexual, I meant queer as in weird. He was soooo nice, so kind, so stable, so genuine, so honest...etc. I didn‘t know if I could take it, or how to handle it. I literally had to FORCE myself to go out with him. Doesn‘t that comment on the face of it sound horrid?? But in my heart of hearts I knew that I had to change ME....for the better. And guess what?? I DID!! I finally realized that someone like Prince was what I was really searching for my whole life, and I had finally found him. It took ME changing my sick outlook on the past, to realize what was good for me in the future. He knows this story, my friends know this story, and my family certainly knows this story. I have not hidden it from anyone. Prince and I will be married 16 years, and I intend to keep on rolling until the day I die.

I DO NOT feel that I settled....and I know he was NEVER insulted, or felt that I settled for him.

Do you know your ex-girlfriend‘s past?? Are you giving her any slack at all??

I just think that she deserves more credit than you are giving her. I think you took her comment way out of context. You should be proud of the guy you are, and that she wanted something better for herself and you were that guy....I know I did.

Eves

but she WAS comparing me.....they were apparently "fun", with a devilish twist to it, and I am "stable" "faithful", and a "good" one.

its like this, what would your reaction be to a guy that is with you and said, "those hot women I use to date were delicious, but I have a stable woman now"??

I took it as she really desired such a guy, but only if he wasn‘t a player/jackass.  Sorry, her comments DEFINITELY rubbed me wrong.  Moot point though, I have moved on.