WomanSavers.com Forum / MEN'S AREA / Men with no balls make me puke

I‘m going on the assumption this story is true. It sure does reflect the type of **** other men on here have opened up about.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t207126/

I‘m not sure where this belongs. I figure this section is probably as close as I can get. I never posted here before, so please let me know.

I‘m in a pretty desperate situation right now and I hope you all can help me somehow extricate myself from this. After a marriage of 3 years, my wife and I separated about 4 months ago, which was her idea. I was in very much in love with her but she evidently needed her space. I moved out of the house and went to an appartment my dad left me after his death. I figured I‘d give her that space she so desperately seemed to need and I didn‘t want to smother her. Sex had dropped to almost nothing in the past year and she seemed to be angry with me the last month I was there. I expected that the absence might help give her some perspective.

To make a long story short, I discovered that she was seeing someone else, hence the need separation. She just needed to be with him. I started trying to get her back, and I did everything for her. I fixed things around the house, she called me when she had a flat and needed some help, etc. I resorted to begging her to stop seeing him and that we should work things out. But she wouldn‘t drop this guy.

We never had sex during this separation, but she would give me occasional handjobs probably out of pity (she would keep her clothes on). I knew in my mind I should never have accepted, but I was incapable of saying no. Even if it burned me up that this new guy was getting to have her the way I used to and all could get was the this. This is one of the things that embarasses me the most and I hate myself for it. I‘ve lost count of the times I‘ve driven away and sworn to myself I would never do that again and that I would never come back. But the next day, my resolve melts completely.

About a month ago, I (again) asked for us to get back together, and she replied that she wanted to keep seeing him for awhile, and that she was planning on dumping him in 2 weeks. After that, she promised, we‘d get back together again.

I was counting the days, and in the last days, I could barely sleep or eat as I was counting down the minutes. When I came over on that day, she was dressed to kill. She was all dolled ip and I thought this was for me. But she said that her and this new guy were going to spend the weekend together out of town and that when they get back "We‘ll see where we are". I was completely crestfallen and utterly devastated. She offered me another release, which I took, and while she was stroking me, I was begging her not to go away with him. She actually laughed as I begged her. When I got home, I puked.

I feel completely damaged by this experience. I cannot seem to get her out of my mind even for a second and I cry myself to sleep at least 5 days a week. I must have lost about 20 lbs already just because I have a burning pit in my gut at all times. I can barely stomach a boiled egg. I know she‘s messsing with me, but can‘t imagine not being with her.

What do I need to do to get her out of my head? What can I do to get her back?

I already know that this situation is messed up. No need to tell me. I realize that completely. I also know I‘m addicted to her like a junkie to crack. I don‘t know what the hell to do about this.

I think part of it is her being on a power and trip...and she‘s having her cake and eating it too...So why would she give that up? You are going to easy on her.

I hate to sound cliche...but if you back off and she comes back...then she cares...You know the old "if you set them free..."

(but after the way she‘s treated you do you want her back?)

You can do so much better for yourself...is it really her you want? Or a happy marriage?

She has you on the sidelines and she‘s playing the game...Honestly I think the second you start to ignore her she‘ll be back...and when you pay attention to her she might leave again...Selfish person.

Drew, you are better than this.

There are a lot of very needy, insecure men and women on this site who have put up with stuff like this from relationships. They come here to heal, to move on and to learn something from others who‘ve been through it.

They don‘t come here to be insulted or attacked...not sure how attacking them will help. They need support, validation and encouragement. Perhaps at a difficult time in your life Drew, you didn‘t get the support you needed from someone who counted and therefore are very angry at the women, thats really sad and I hope some day you gain some self-awareness, it will be the key to unlocking some happiness in your life.

Men with problems like these don‘t need to be coddled into a false sense of security by the likes of you when you recommend things like ‘mere seperation‘ to cuckolded men instead of nasty and vicious divorce with a pro male lawyer like me. They need a wakeup call and a kick in the ass with some common sense.

Soooo Drew, do you take on womens divorce cases?

Oh and you really should leave work at work.

Drew,  first  I agree with you,  the woman in this story is a BITCH and she deserves to be with this other man.  He needs to divorce her.

But I agree with Bubbles too,  when you are hurting you do stupid things. He wants advise,  give him your advise and move on.  Others will give them there advise too. 

She wants both of them,  see if it doesn‘t work with the new guy,  she still has the old one to fall back on.  Once he moves on,  she will want him back.  Which I hope happens and he is smart enough to tell her hell no!

I think my words were misinterpreted. I meant to say don‘t give ****ty advice to only get a seperation and give her a second chance like her, tell him to get a nasty divorce lawyer that is pro male, like I would give.

I never meant to imply I myself was a lawyer. I should have worded it differently.

I did a complete 180 after I found out about my xwife.  When I came to this site, I was still in 180 mode.

And while I have snapped out of it, I‘d say I haven‘t switched and did a 180 back to normal again.

I‘d say I did a 135 back towards normal.  By that I mean I know there are good women out there, but there will be always 45 degrees away from 0 that will keep my guard up, not be played for a fool...and IF it happens again, there won‘t be any grief, depression....I‘ll simply leave the relationship and not look back.

I guess I am an different,   I was the bread winner,  I was the responsible one,  I lost half my retirement to him,  I lost half my house to him,  I lost half my savings to him.  I never got a cent of child support,  alimony.  I have paid all the legal fees and court cost. and you know what Drew

I still believe in love and I would get married again.  (not yet, but oneday I hope to marry again)  I would just be smart enough to have a prenup this time.  I was young, stupid and thought it would never  happen to me before.  Now I know better and I understand that situations and people change.

Question for you Drew

I understand that you say you will stay single,  but does that mean that you won‘t seriously date?  That you won‘t get in to a serious relationship?

You don‘t have to be married to be in love to have a great relationship.  There are a lot of people that just live together because of situations that they have gone threw.

Cohabitation laws are nearly the same as marriage laws in Canada. There have been cases where guys who divorced their wife years ago suddenly have their retirement funds dipped into to help fund the lifestyle of an ex wife who was completely irresponsible with her money. That‘s scary. But that‘s part of feminist doctrine. Making sure women aren‘t held accountable 100% of the time.

Because of certain feminist strides in the courts, I don‘t want to be treated like a bad guy just because she decided to leave and didn‘t even accuse me of abuse or anything. Let me show you about another case I saw. Husband was a good guy but wifey was BORED with him and got a divorce. Judge said he had to turn over not only half the house but half of the personal properties of his. In other words, I could lose my massive record collection and book collection which is worth thousands of dollars. Chris Cornell was tied up in a divorce and his wife tried to get a hold of nearly all his guitars. And don‘t think certain judges wouldn‘t grant stupid demands like that. It nearly happened.

You know sunny, it doesn‘t surprise me you would ask for a prenup given what you have been through. Yet when women do it, they‘re being independent. When men do it, they are being cold and heartless. Yet women don‘t get accused of not really being in love and untrustworthy if they do the same things certain men want to do. The fact that you get that one has to look out for one‘s self above all, makes me see you‘re one of the closet women on this board to the type I may take a chance with in terms of at least dating. But ultimately, the answer to possible dating would be no.

Until more men wise up and start ignoring stupid women, and laws change, maybe more will smarten up and not be such piranhas and it‘ll be safe to wade into the dating pool again. Although I doubt that will happen. Especially not when you have so many men going around acting like that asshole Tucker Max which basically vindicates sluts.

Cohabitation laws are nearly the same as marriage laws in Canada. There have been cases where guys who divorced their wife years ago suddenly have their retirement funds dipped into to help fund the lifestyle of an ex wife who was completely irresponsible with her money. That‘s scary. But that‘s part of feminist doctrine. Making sure women aren‘t held accountable 100% of the time.

Sounds like the laws there suck.  But there has to be a reason they are the way they are. I understand that back in the day, women didn‘t work and stayed home with the kids.  But in todays time,  most women work so I see no reason that anybody should get half of somebodys retirement.  Unless it is a company co owned and both work in the company.

Because of certain feminist strides in the courts, I don‘t want to be treated like a bad guy just because she decided to leave and didn‘t even accuse me of abuse or anything. Let me show you about another case I saw. Husband was a good guy but wifey was BORED with him and got a divorce. Judge said he had to turn over not only half the house but half of the personal properties of his. In other words, I could lose my massive record collection and book collection which is worth thousands of dollars. Chris Cornell was tied up in a divorce and his wife tried to get a hold of nearly all his guitars. And don‘t think certain judges wouldn‘t grant stupid demands like that. It nearly happened.

You know sunny, it doesn‘t surprise me you would ask for a prenup given what you have been through. Yet when women do it, they‘re being independent. When men do it, they are being cold and heartless. Yet women don‘t get accused of not really being in love and untrustworthy if they do the same things certain men want to do. The fact that you get that one has to look out for one‘s self above all, makes me see you‘re one of the closet women on this board to the type I may take a chance with in terms of at least dating. But ultimately, the answer to possible dating would be no.

You know to be honest,  I use to think that a prenup was saying that the marriage would fail before it even started.  I have since grow and learned more about the way of the world,  I feel that everybody should have a prenup.  Man or woman.  Especially if you have children from a previous relationship.

Until more men wise up and start ignoring stupid women, and laws change, maybe more will smarten up and not be such piranhas and it‘ll be safe to wade into the dating pool again. Although I doubt that will happen. Especially not when you have so many men going around acting like that asshole Tucker Max which basically vindicates sluts.

Drew there are stupid men out there too.  I feel that when people smarten up and realize that marriage should be taken seriously and not **** every person that offers it to them  then and only will the situation get better.

I don‘t have any idea how common it is, but anecdotally ... my wife earns *alot* more than I do.

Does that bother you?

It always pissed my ex off.  In all fairness to  him,  he was a great worker,  he just worked for the wrong companies,  they always went out of business  or didn‘t have money for payroll,  so he was unemployeed a lot of our marriage. 

Its not always the man that gets screwed over in the divorce!

Nah, doesn‘t bother me. I‘ve always felt pretty good about it, really - whatever I‘ve got, it sure isn‘t money!