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| Wire |
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Posted: 10/18/2009 5:49 PM |
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Subject: An idea |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 22
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I was going to post this in the "nice guys" thread, but I think it‘s time for that thread to die. I mean, 7 pages. I find it futile to contribute to a debate that hasn‘t been resolved after 7 pages.
Here is how you avoid heartbreak: Don‘t expect anything of anyone, ever. It sounds really sad and bitter at first but I am not intending it that way. I don‘t feel bitterness at all. I just think, the more people you have involved in accomplishing a goal through discussion and consensus, the longer it takes to complete the goal.
The only time 2 heads are better than one is in physical labor. That‘s it. Any other time, in order to make other people feel special and valuable, we waste time going around in circles of rhetoric and hyperbole.
Back to dating, this means don‘t try to change your partner, ever. If you met your lover in a bar, you only hurt yourself in the process of realizing they just might have a drinking problem. And you end up looking foolish too... like you didn‘t see that coming.
If you are the "other man or woman" in an affair, don‘t be surprised if you‘re not the only one.
Almost every unfortunate circumstance you can possibly think of in your life can be prepared for. Prepare for it and better yourself in the process.
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| MrTrueBlue |
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Posted: 10/20/2009 9:42 AM |
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Subject: An idea |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 37
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Peoria
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I completely agree. I keep my emotions in check now. Not saying I don‘t open up, and don‘t love, but by keeping them in check and keeping some sort of shield up, if cheating goes down or the relationship doesn‘t work out, I won‘t be sitting there grieving over it. I‘ll simply move one.
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| Kitty Kitty |
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Posted: 10/20/2009 9:48 PM |
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Subject: An idea |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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I understand what you mean and where you‘re coming from...For me I like to keep it optimistic...and try to hope for the best in people...But learned a long time ago that you can‘t expect someone to do what you want...or what you would do...
If I am with or dating someone...I will always expect respect and to be treated well...I wouldn‘t tolerate less...In agreement with your point though...Sometimes people can let you down even with that simple demand...
My only question here is...Isn‘t it hard to have a relationship with someone when you‘re expecting nothing from them?
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| Africanguy |
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Posted: 10/21/2009 3:47 PM |
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Subject: An idea |
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WomanSaver Addict
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Age: 25
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Juanito
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My only question here is...Isn‘t it hard to have a relationship with someone when you‘re expecting nothing from them?
You must not JUST expect something, you must demand something. Well treatment and respect are just the basic stuff. If you don‘t demand this stuff, you are going to be stuck in bad relationships, being treated like you don‘t apreciate. You just can‘t force anyone to anything.
People like space, and they will use all the space they can get, even your own, leaving you with nothing. For example, if at work, you have to share a desk, if you don‘t set limits, the person on your side will ocupy even what should be your side. People always push as far as they can. So you must define frontiers. You say to yourself "this is as far as it can go", and you never let any beyond that. If it goes beyond that, the only thing you can do is to leave.
The only power you have in a relationship is the power to leave. If the person with you cares, he/she will fear that power. With fear, comes respect. If they don‘t fear you leaving, they don‘t care, so you should leave.
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| Kitty Kitty |
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Posted: 10/21/2009 9:49 PM |
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Subject: An idea |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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I get what you‘re saying...but my let me clarify my question..
Say i‘m in a relationship with someone where I have no expectations of them...I am never let down...(this I understand) BUT wouldn‘t I be settling for whatever I get rather than hoping for something great from them (no I don‘t mean money...just great qualities, conversations time)
So, if I‘m not happy what what I get out of the relationship...I just leave?
I think some men want to know what expectations the woman they care about has for them and the relationship so they know what steps to take to make them happy....
I just think it would be hard to really be happy in a relationship with a grey cloud over it...Not expecting anything from someone I cared about. I know there‘s risk involved...But I think it would be hard for me. (just my personal opinion)
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| Africanguy |
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Posted: 10/22/2009 4:43 PM |
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Subject: An idea |
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WomanSaver Addict
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Juanito
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Say i‘m in a relationship with someone where I have no expectations of them...I am never let down...(this I understand)
I wouldn‘t say you are never let down. I‘d say you would never surprised. For example, if you don‘t expect loyalty, you wouldn‘t be surprised when you find out you are not the only one. But I think you would still be disapointed.
If my girl were to leave me, well, I would accept it no problem. But I wouldn‘t like it.
So, if I‘m not happy what what I get out of the relationship...I just leave?
Well, if there is a problem that talking about it won‘t solve, what else can you do ?
A question for you, how old are you ? Fell free to not answer if you don‘t want to.
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| Kitty Kitty |
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Posted: 10/22/2009 8:32 PM |
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Subject: An idea |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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When people do some of the cold hearted things they are capable of...(that you wouldn‘t think anyone would do to another person) i don‘t know if I could ever not be surprised or prepare for that...
I‘m 26...Curious how that‘s a factor?
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| Africanguy |
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Posted: 10/23/2009 2:53 PM |
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Subject: An idea |
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WomanSaver Addict
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Age: 25
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Juanito
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I‘m 26...Curious how that‘s a factor ?
Well, young people tend to be more idealistic. You are a baby, like me. i did not gone trhough some terrible **** like many of my friends, but I try to learn with them.
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| Kitty Kitty |
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Posted: 10/23/2009 9:27 PM |
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Subject: An idea |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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| Africanguy wrote: | I‘m 26...Curious how that‘s a factor ?
Well, young people tend to be more idealistic. You are a baby, like me. i did not gone trhough some terrible **** like many of my friends, but I try to learn with them.
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I‘ve been through some bad...I‘ve been through some great too....
While I understand how/why this works for some people (and respect their choice) I don‘t know if I could do it...
Back to my question...How do you get close to anyone with this thinking?
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| Africanguy |
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Posted: 10/24/2009 11:31 AM |
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Subject: An idea |
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WomanSaver Addict
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Age: 25
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Juanito
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Back to my question...How do you get close to anyone with this thinking?
What do you mean by get close ? Don‘t you have male friends whom you are absolutely confortable with all the time? I guess it should be like that.
What exactly do you expect when in some relationship ?
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| Kitty Kitty |
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Posted: 10/26/2009 9:18 AM |
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Subject: An idea |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 4659
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| Africanguy wrote: | Back to my question...How do you get close to anyone with this thinking?
What do you mean by get close ? Don‘t you have male friends whom you are absolutely confortable with all the time? I guess it should be like that.
What exactly do you expect when in some relationship ?
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Whe I say "get close" I guess I mean if you don‘t expect anything from them...You can‘t expect a future...
I expect when my relationship grows and gets closer to become more and more a part of their life...and to be included in more....Just the natural steps that move a relationship forward..If that‘s what you both want...
It‘s hard to put into words...I just seems like putting a negative spin on someone before you really know...I understand being careful and protecting yourself...but you have to start trusting them... I would to expect them to consider me in their choices, be a good friend to me and be faithful.
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| Wire |
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Posted: 10/26/2009 3:28 PM |
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Subject: An idea |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 22
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| Kitty Kitty wrote: | | Whe I say "get close" I guess I mean if you don‘t expect anything from them...You can‘t expect a future... I expect when my relationship grows and gets closer to become more and more a part of their life...and to be included in more....Just the natural steps that move a relationship forward..If that‘s what you both want... It‘s hard to put into words...I just seems like putting a negative spin on someone before you really know...I understand being careful and protecting yourself...but you have to start trusting them... I would to expect them to consider me in their choices, be a good friend to me and be faithful. |
When you adopt the policy of not expecting anything, you move toward non-attachment. They don‘t define you. They, at the very most support you in your life and terrestrial evolution.
Love, by a conventional standard, is saturated with lust, jealousy, possessiveness, control, eroticism and a little bit of novelty. Hardly a recipe substantial enough to found a relationship upon.
It seems most people have forgotten what true love even is. Real love. Nothing anyone has ever seen in a chick flick.
No, to truly love someone else, you have to love yourself, and if you truly love yourself, you will take care of yourself to the point where you‘ll never expect them to.
Real love is just a deep feeling of respect and positive regard for another person, much deeper than anything anybody sees in the modern American culture regarding love.
Before I close this, I have to point out something else: there‘s no such thing as being *in* love. To love someone yet not be *in* love with them... well that distinctly implies that to be *in* love is merely infatuation, an obstacle that gets in the way of seeing people as they really are.
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