| AUTHOR |
MESSAGE
|
| Drew J |
 |
|
Posted: 10/9/2009 4:57 PM |
 |
Subject: See what I‘m talking about guys? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Male Member
Age: 25
.gif)
Total Posts: 308
Canada
Canada
offline
Invite To Chat Room
 Send Note
|
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucda/20091004/lf_ucda/coupletradingaffrontsputtheirmarriageontheline
Couple Trading Affronts Put Their Marriage On The Line
By Abigail Van Buren Abigail Van Buren – Sun Oct 4, 2:16 am ET
DEAR ABBY: Several months ago I made a terrible mistake and e-mailed "Tom" -- a friend I had a crush on -- some topless pictures of myself. Tom rejected me because he is happily married. I am married, too, and when my husband, "Jake," discovered the pictures on our computer and realized what I had done, we discussed it and agreed to put them aside and never talk about them again.
Because Tom and I are friends and he was doing some repair work on our home, I have spoken to him on my cell phone numerous times. When Jake saw the phone records and realized I was still talking to Tom, he posted my pictures on an Internet porn site for all the world to see and blamed Tom so I wouldn‘t speak to him anymore.
Abby, Jake never told me I couldn‘t speak to Tom. That he made me believe that Tom was the bad guy is upsetting, even though I was wrong in the first place for sending my pictures to him. Do two wrongs make a right? I‘m so upset by what Jake did that I don‘t want him to touch me. In fact, I want a divorce. I don‘t know what to do. Please help me. -- LINDA IN TEXAS
DEAR LINDA: Your husband was willing to forgive and forget the fact that you were trying to start an affair by sending the photos to Tom. When you "discussed it and agreed never to talk about them again," he took for granted that you would end the "friendship." And you should have. Your actions weren‘t platonic and were a threat to your own marriage. When your husband realized that the flirtation was ongoing, he punished you in a cruel way.
Two wrongs do NOT make a right. And my advice to you and Jake is to sit down with a marriage counselor, figure out where your relationship went off track and decide, calmly, whether your marriage is worth saving.
In other words, if a woman does wrong and has the mindset of cheating, it‘s best to forgive her and work it out. Now if the roles were reversed, what do you really think Abby would be telling the woman who was cheated upon, especially since the man would be at fault and she could get a big pay out in divorce court to ‘teach him a lesson‘? See what I mean all male readers on here about sexist double standards? The fact that she kept up contact with someone she tried to seduce means she doesn‘t deserve not have a lesson taught to her.
|
| supermom21664 |
|
|
Posted: 10/10/2009 11:51 AM |
|
Subject: See what I‘m talking about guys? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 54
Total Posts: 1420
Greenbeau
Alabama
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
| Drew J wrote: | http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucda/20091004/lf_ucda/coupletradingaffrontsputtheirmarriageontheline
Couple Trading Affronts Put Their Marriage On The Line
By Abigail Van Buren Abigail Van Buren – Sun Oct 4, 2:16 am ET
DEAR ABBY: Several months ago I made a terrible mistake and e-mailed "Tom" -- a friend I had a crush on -- some topless pictures of myself. Tom rejected me because he is happily married. I am married, too, and when my husband, "Jake," discovered the pictures on our computer and realized what I had done, we discussed it and agreed to put them aside and never talk about them again.
Because Tom and I are friends and he was doing some repair work on our home, I have spoken to him on my cell phone numerous times. When Jake saw the phone records and realized I was still talking to Tom, he posted my pictures on an Internet porn site for all the world to see and blamed Tom so I wouldn‘t speak to him anymore.
Abby, Jake never told me I couldn‘t speak to Tom. That he made me believe that Tom was the bad guy is upsetting, even though I was wrong in the first place for sending my pictures to him. Do two wrongs make a right? I‘m so upset by what Jake did that I don‘t want him to touch me. In fact, I want a divorce. I don‘t know what to do. Please help me. -- LINDA IN TEXAS
DEAR LINDA: Your husband was willing to forgive and forget the fact that you were trying to start an affair by sending the photos to Tom. When you "discussed it and agreed never to talk about them again," he took for granted that you would end the "friendship." And you should have. Your actions weren‘t platonic and were a threat to your own marriage. When your husband realized that the flirtation was ongoing, he punished you in a cruel way.
Two wrongs do NOT make a right. And my advice to you and Jake is to sit down with a marriage counselor, figure out where your relationship went off track and decide, calmly, whether your marriage is worth saving.
In other words, if a woman does wrong and has the mindset of cheating, it‘s best to forgive her and work it out. Now if the roles were reversed, what do you really think Abby would be telling the woman who was cheated upon, especially since the man would be at fault and she could get a big pay out in divorce court to ‘teach him a lesson‘? See what I mean all male readers on here about sexist double standards? The fact that she kept up contact with someone she tried to seduce means she doesn‘t deserve not have a lesson taught to her.
|
The point here is: the lady (using that term loosely) should not have sent the topless photos of herself to the man. Next the husband should not have posted her pictures on the internet. What the hell was HE thinking of??? Did he not understand the danger he could be placing HIS family in? Forget the wife just think if they have children. What if a child saw their mother‘s picture on the internet? Grow up Drew, not everything in life is a conspiracy to screw men over.
|
| Wire |
|
|
Posted: 10/10/2009 12:03 PM |
|
Subject: See what I‘m talking about guys? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Male Member
Age: 22
Total Posts: 1891
Chicago
Illinois
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
I have no concerns with Abby‘s advice. While I don‘t know for certain
what she would‘ve said if the roles were reversed, I do know I would
say the same thing if they were.
I do however notice a bit of egocentric bias in the wife‘s testimony. She reminds me of the woman in the Leykis thread, wallowing in self-pity because she has to sleep in the bed she made. Sounds like a real catch.
It sounds to me like while the husband is likely very faithful and ethical, he can become quite vindictive when he has been hurt. There‘s not enough information to say what the correct course of action would‘ve been on his part but in any case, two wrongs still don‘t make a right. Violence breeds violence; hate breeds hate.
|
| Drew J |
|
|
Posted: 10/10/2009 12:53 PM |
|
Subject: See what I‘m talking about guys? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Male Member
Age: 25
Total Posts: 308
Canada
Canada
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
If not post the photos, at least divorce the **** and use them as evidence in court that the marriage is basically dead and she killed it. She‘ll just cheat on him anyway now.
|
| supermom21664 |
|
|
Posted: 10/10/2009 4:38 PM |
|
Subject: See what I‘m talking about guys? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 54
Total Posts: 1420
Greenbeau
Alabama
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
| Drew J wrote: | | If not post the photos, at least divorce the **** and use them as evidence in court that the marriage is basically dead and she killed it. She‘ll just cheat on him anyway now. |
This would have been the logical thing to do. However, when men are placed in a situation like this they tend to not think logically as women do also.
|
| Kitty Kitty |
|
|
Posted: 10/12/2009 11:20 AM |
|
Subject: See what I‘m talking about guys? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 4659
Total Posts: 313
Americas Finest Citee
California
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
| Drew J wrote: | | If not post the photos, at least divorce the **** and use them as evidence in court that the marriage is basically dead and she killed it. She‘ll just cheat on him anyway now. |
Ditto what Supermom said...Divorce her yes...Use this pictures against her in court...yes. What she did is disgusting.
Post them on the internet? I think that‘s immature and uneccessary..If there are children involved even worse.
|
| breezydream |
|
|
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:50 PM |
|
Subject: See what I‘m talking about guys? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 30
.gif)
Total Posts: 286
Toronto
Canada
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Cheating is disgusting. Period. The first time he deserved the relief of a divorce from her so he is free to marry a woman. He was not cruel and that is a blame the victim attitude. Cruel! Sorry, no one is such an imbecile they would not know to stop having communication with the guy. And having him over to "fix" something, BS!
He‘s not so kosher either, if he is happily married, slumming over to her place to fix stuff. oh yeah, sure. please.
Cheating is wrong no matter who does it.Hopefully now he will find himself someone who knows how to love, respect and make boundaries.
|
| sunny fl |
|
|
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:12 PM |
|
Subject: See what I‘m talking about guys? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 4806
sunshine and daisies
Wyoming
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Drew I think she would have said the same thing, find out where the marriage went wrong. Saying go to a counselor isn‘t say stay with the cheater. It is saying see if your marriage is worth saving.
I think the fact that the wife sent the pictures to him, shows that she has issues and doesn‘t need to be married. She opened a door that she should have kept closed and not talking about it again isn‘t going to help. Anybody that has been thru that type of pain, knows that acting like it didn‘t happen isn‘t going to work.
I feel sorry for TOM too, he turned her down (good for him) But if I was Toms wife, I wouldn‘t wnat him working at her house.
|
| Drew J |
|
|
Posted: 11/5/2009 3:10 PM |
|
Subject: See what I‘m talking about guys? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Male Member
Age: 25
Total Posts: 308
Canada
Canada
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
"Saying go to a counselor isn‘t say stay with the cheater. It is saying see if your marriage is worth saving. "
You can‘t save something she has already violated nor should you as a man be under an obligation to. Looks like you as well have succumbed to feminist double standards. Woman cheats, it‘s worth saving. man cheats, get a divorce. And please as I have said before on this topic, no nonsense about women taking back cheating husbands. That doesn‘t count. They only do so for the kids or because they can‘t afford to and are afraid of what a male judge in his seventies may do to them. They don‘t do it for themselves. Which is what I say men with cheating wives should do. Divorce them for themselves. This ‘think of the kids‘ claptrap is feminist propaganda. I mean feminists always claim that one female parent is enough for the kids so how can they turn around and contradict themselves and then complain if men want to divorce cheating wives even though kids are in the picture?
|
| sunny fl |
|
|
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:58 PM |
|
Subject: See what I‘m talking about guys? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 4806
sunshine and daisies
Wyoming
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
| Drew J wrote: |
"Saying go to a counselor isn‘t say stay with the cheater. It is saying see if your marriage is worth saving. "
You can‘t save something she has already violated nor should you as a man be under an obligation to. Looks like you as well have succumbed to feminist double standards. Woman cheats, it‘s worth saving. man cheats, get a divorce. And please as I have said before on this topic, no nonsense about women taking back cheating husbands. That doesn‘t count. They only do so for the kids or because they can‘t afford to and are afraid of what a male judge in his seventies may do to them. They don‘t do it for themselves. Which is what I say men with cheating wives should do. Divorce them for themselves. This ‘think of the kids‘ claptrap is feminist propaganda. I mean feminists always claim that one female parent is enough for the kids so how can they turn around and contradict themselves and then complain if men want to divorce cheating wives even though kids are in the picture? |
No Drew you are wrong.
Both sex cheat. I think that some marriages can be saved and some can‘t.
I did try to save mine, it didn‘t work because I couldn‘t get over it and I have to beable to trust. I did go to couselling alone not marriage counseling. My counsellor told me that I needed to do what ever it takes to make myself happy. We talked about both, staying or leaving.
I respect the people that stayed and made it work. I didn‘t have the stomach for it.
I will tell a man the same thing I tell a woman. Some marriages are worth saving and what will make you happy. Shally told me the hardest thing I have to do is live with the choices of others, he choose to cheat. I choose not to live with a cheater.
|