WomanSavers.com Forum / MEN'S AREA / Man V. Woman?

Dear DaddyofTwo,

I got off of work late last night (2 am to be exact).  I was captivated by your post.  You tried very hard to keep emotion down and just use the facts.  I felt the pain for you.

I do agree that cheating is not a man/womna thing.  It is based upon the individual person.  Your wife is lacking in the morals department, the love department and well....she‘s just plain lacking. 

The comment that you made that she became argumentative, distant etc reminded me of my STBX.  It wasn‘t just the cheating.  It was the emotional abuse that came with it.

  Meanwhile you are still seeking for HER to make it up to you.  For HER to make things right.  She goes on oblivious and in denial that she what she has done would be so wrong.  This is because she does not care.  There is nothing in it for her.

You must realize that this is NOT about you.  You need to let her own her own wrongs.  The only thing different about you and the happily married guy down the street was that you picked a cheater/emotional abuser.  She kept it well hidden for a very long time.  There is nothing wrong with you for picking her. You were deceived.

If your children are in the home with her.  That could be the pattern they will learn. (pushing guilt, lies, lack of love)....or they will learn to be the victim like you.

I am reaching out to you because I don‘t believe you need to suffer with a loveless relationship any longer.  Even alone, you can be true to yourself.  Your kids need a role model.

That is you standing up and refusing to settle any longer.  I know.  I am right where you are.  Except my husband kept up the cheating. The verbal and emotional abuse became a constant in our household. 

I too thought the beautiful children that I gave him would make him more in love with me.  That he would appreciate and cherish our family.  I have a 6 year old son who is incredibly cuddly, smart and loves to draw.  My 5 year old daughter walks, talks and smells like sunshine.

He now takes them to his girlfriends house when he has them.  Nothing is sacred.

There is a you still there FatherofTwo.  In order to learn from this and grow, you will need to give yourself compassion.  Give the wife the hell she deserves. Make her cheating public. Go for custody of the kids.  If they were that important to her...she wouldn‘t have cheated.  They honesty and integrity.  They are now learning to cover lies and hate internally.

Just be free baby.

  MissL

DaddyofTwo,

       I haven‘t the chance to read any of the responses in this thread from anyone or from you, so I am only replying so far from reading only the first post.

There would be NO WAY I‘d stay with a sorry excuse of a woman like this.  And not only would I divorce her, this is an instance I‘d talk to a lawyer and tell him what you told us...."I had to listen to her tell me about the blow job she had promised him for his birthday, how she would leave our two children, both under the age of 5, home alone while she would go over to his house to screw his brains out"

Admitting she was going to leave the children alone while she went to give another guy a blow job might be the only way you could get custody.  It shows neglect.

What are your plans?  You want to stay with this "woman"?  If so, sorry to say, she needs to account for every minute of her day.  thats not being controlling, she lost the privilege of a trusting husband, and lost the privilege of being believed at face value when she opens her lying cheating mouth.

So what are you going to do?  Divorce? Stay with her?

I‘ll read more of this thread when time allows.

being a cheater isn‘t going to give him any leverage in court.  None whatsoever.

The only thing he might have is that she admitted to planning on leaving her small children at home alone to go blow him.  That shows neglect.

And even if this is a possibility for him getting custody, it won‘t matter one iota in terms of dividing the marital assets.

I love ya sunny, but I have to correct you here.

Women are of the HUMAN race, but of the femail SPECIES.

so maybe Drew is Specieist!

I love ya sunny, but I have to correct you here.

Women are of the HUMAN race, but of the femail SPECIES.

so maybe Drew is Specieist!

Drew is many things!!

He is still a pig in my book,  he feels that women are all evil and he groups us all in to one catagory.  He thinks that all women screw over the men in a divorce.  Its not always that way.  and  about the female race.  Its a matter of wording and it is proper wording.  look it up.  I did.

He knew what I was talking about anyways. 

I do understand where you are coming from Sunny.  And this message is not just directed at you but for anyone who gives him the spotlight:

Please stop talking about Drew.  I would be surprised if DaddyofTwo would even read through that rubbish. 

This thread is about DaddyofTwo...quit helping Drew highjack it.

ENOUGH SAID.  Let‘s help DaddyOfTwo!

THANK YOU.

are you picking on me?

"I had to listen to her tell me about the blow job she had promised him for his birthday, how she would leave our two children, both under the age of 5, home alone while she would go over to his house to screw his brains out""

Anyone who doesn‘t recommend he divorce her (regardless of how much he might lose) is a liar when they say they feel sympathy for a cuckolded man and don‘t hold double standards when it comes to leaving (men stay, women go).  I‘m surprised no one has recommended that he get his kids DNA checked to make sure they match his. So bubblecropper, you can pretend to side with wounded men all you want, but you‘re not fooling me. You never told him to get divorvced, just seperated. In other words, he should give it a chance. You can reply with, "I never explicitly said that. Divorce could come after seperation." In other words, you don‘t care where the chips fall. If he decided to take her back, you wouldn‘t advise him against it. Even though you know you should since you would never advise a woman to take back a cheating husband if she didn‘t have to and could afford not to. Again, your silence, is your assent. Period. Quit living in denial cupcake.

"I had to listen to her tell me about the blow job she had promised him for his birthday, how she would leave our two children, both under the age of 5, home alone while she would go over to his house to screw his brains out"

That sure would worth something in court...

Daddy of Two:  I will only say thank you for sharing your story, and telling it so eloquently.

I am very sorry to hear what your wife has done to you, and I think it‘s appalling.  I got pretty worked up just in reading your post, and how betrayed you must feel.  The fact that you didn‘t kill her - and kick the neighbor‘s ass - shows real restraint under the circumstances.

It‘s disgusting.  If it were me in your shoes, I would probably do an ex parte restraining order and boot her out of the house.

You have spoken with an attorney I hope??? 

I strongly advise you to do your homework.  I know you are trying to prevent trauma to your children (who you adore), but I really think you need to look out for your own best interests.

She does not deserve you.

Wire...nobody is born codependent or desperate for attention...they usually get that way because of trauma‘s experienced in childhood.

I am really glad that you came out ok after your parents separated...but thats not the case for everyone, a lot of kids are left emotionally scarred if their parents are not getting on and it does effect a lot of them into adulthood, so please, don‘t put down those people as "codependent" or "desperate for attention" its really not that simple.

So...you didn‘t read my post about me being Irish and how Divorce has only come in here very recently??? OK...you really are making an awful fool of yourself little man!

I had a thought,

Fatheroftwo,

Are you in a one party state for wiretapping?  You need proof that she left your children at home alone to go have sex with the neighbor.  If you are in a one party state you can record her confession without her knowledge.  Only you have to know.

This will give you the evidence you need to get custody.  Your children need a healthy home.  She cannot give it.  You will spend eternity wondering what she is doing next without being able to fully love or trust her again.

I‘m sorry sweetie.  You need a divorce, and you need to be vengeful. She lied to you before.  She will lie again.