WomanSavers.com Forum / MEN'S AREA / wife

I have a problem in that I have confronted my wife about my belief that she was having an affair with the husband of a couple with whom we are friends.

I had plenty of circumstantial type evidence but could really prove it so basically while I couldn’t get her to admit it , she did promise to be open and honest from now on.

There has been an upward lift in her general mood which was previously very argumentative and she has become more affentionate than she was. In return I agreed to try and trust so I don’t go near her emails, phone etc anymore.

I do not honestly know whether she is still carrying a liason. If she is she could only do that on a week day during school hours with a person who has a demanding job so the sheer logics would be extremely difficult for both of them to actually ever meet up.

I first sense because of a change in attitude by her like she just didn’t want to be there . I  figure it if it had happened before I would have felt it so I am pretty sure it is the only time she has done something like this .

My question if anyone has an opinion that, leaving aside cheating on me she is betraying a friend (her lovers wife) and that is something I just didn’t think she was capable of. If you do something like this does the guilt just build up inside you?

My wife is aware I have copies of emails between where is asking him to call her , copies of her phone records showing she texted ( messaged ) him over 100 times in an 8 week period and she would no doubt have told him I had these . In such a case , I believe he is in it for ego reasons rather than any emotional need  He has gone about it in a systematic way like having a second secret cell phone number that he calls or messages her on rather than his normal number which suggests to be he has certainly done this sort of thing before.

In that case is he more likely to walk away from the entanglement because the “heat is on “ or just continue on . I would walk away because I would be too scared of me being pushed to the point where I showed what I have to his wife . But I am not him so he may not think that way

AJ, why do you think that she is no longer in the affair? Cheaters will go to great lengths to meet up with each other.

What do you intend to do with the emails and text messages? The fact that the OM has a secret cell phone is proof positive that he is a serial cheater.

Have you and your wife gotten any counseling? You really should. You both need individual counseling and then you both need couples counseling.

She might still be cheating and she might not , I cannot answer that for sure .

The counselling I have received advises me to give some time for both of us to be clear on what both of us want .

I just feel that I need to focus on me for the moment. In the past couple of months ,I have quit smoking , lost a few kilos in weight , and starting exercising a a fair bit more . My next phase is to get involved in a few new social activities that will not involve my wife

There is no way she wants me out the door if she is continuing she is wanting to have her cake and eat it as well .

I think the worst thing I can do is to seem needy

I will push on with my own life and within a short period of time she will start to work out she HAS to do to keep me in the relationship and not visa versa .

If she gets to that point she will realise that she has to come clean , if she doesnt then there will come a point when I am out of there

You confront her about an affair. She decides to be more affectionate to you and give you more sex if you stop spying on her to confirm your suspicions. You abided by this for some time. That makes you a dumbass.

If you have any proof that she is seeing someone else such as emails, phone records, etc, and you are still with her waiting for her to make her decision, remember this.

SHE MADE HER DECISION WHEN SHE FUCKED AROUND ON YOU. KICK HER ASS TO THE CURB.

The fact that you as a cuckolded man come on here asking advice FROM WOMEN shows me that you have a problem and have succumbed to feminist brainwashing that no matter who cheats in the relationship it‘s always the man‘s fault. You should know better.

This forgiveness crap that women spew either comes from a double standard that only women should be taken back when they are caught cheating, or it comes from a different point of view. One of consistency in where both sexes should be given an equal chance, but they say it because they or someone close to them had a husband **** around on them and they didn‘t want to go through a divorce because it would either harm the kids, or they would lose a nice house and cars that the man worked for during the marriage.

Thanks for proving my point about many of the women on this site.

Your full of sh1t and I‘ll prove it...go show me some posts where I‘ve stated that I believe cheating to be the mans fault? (women cheat too!). Oh and show me where I‘ve said counselling is preferable to divorce...

If you can‘t find any such post then shut your trap, rev up and f*ck off. I‘ve had just about enough of your gob****e Drew!

stick to the topic drew, i‘m ashamed of you.

you should have told the op:

a.  get to the doctor for aids/std/hiv tests, pronto.

b.  wear a condom!

c. if his darling wife asks him why he insists on wearing a condom he should go ahead and TELL HER!

Drew you are wrong!

You are also an angry little man.

"Oh and show me where I‘ve said counselling is preferable to divorce..."

The fact that you recommend it at all after finding out a man was cheated upon proves you think that way. You imply it rather than say it explicitly. And the fact that you think cheated men should go to counselling seems to imply you think it‘s their fault. If it wasn‘t their fault, you‘d recommend they get a divorce and fight for everything. Anytime you recommend counselling to a cuckolded husband, you reveal yourself to someone like me who is paying attention.

If you really don‘t think men should sit and suffer and not get a divorce, then maybe you are just suffering from cognitive dissonance and can‘t see it. Maybe you don‘t see how absurd it is to recommend counselling for cuckolded men and then claim you think men like that should get a divorce. If you agree with them getting a divorce, then you shouldn‘t tell them to waste their time in counselling where they will either have to

1. Accept blame for what their wife did

2. Listen to her make excuses. "You didn‘t love me enough. You didn‘t show me enough attention," etc.

Your recommendation of counselling implies what I say it does because of simple logic. Something that is elusive to you at the present moment. Maybe upon serious reflection and contemplation, you will see that too.

"stick to the topic drew, i‘m ashamed of you."

Team vagina once again. How dare he think about divorce or question his wife‘s fidelity. He should be doing other things.

"you should have told the op:
a.  get to the doctor for aids/std/hiv tests, pronto.
b.  wear a condom!
c. if his darling wife asks him why he insists on wearing a condom he should go ahead and TELL HER!"

Yeah right. Tell her. So she can go and file the divorce papers first and then try to make him look like a bad guy who drove her away. He shouldn‘t have to wear a condom when ****ing his wife unless she was cheating. I would wonder why he would want to continue to **** his wife at all if she has shown signs of being unfaithful. Unless he wants to **** her to keep her off guard so he can file divorce papers and prepare to kick her out of the house.

However, if he is too stupid to not wear a condom with an unfaithful wife, then he deserves whatever diseases he gets.

Finally, you call her a darling wife though she was unfaithful. As I have said before on this board, women play on team vagina. And they can‘t and won‘t admit it.

If a man OR woman has been cheated on but doesn‘t want to leave...I‘m not going to shove divorce down their throats now am I?

You‘ve proved nothing Drew....I asked you to show me where I‘ve said counselling is preferable to divorce in ANY of my posts...you can‘t do that because I‘ve never said it...and have never implied it..

Go on, find it...find where I‘ve said it or as I said f*ck off with you gobsh1te!

You‘ve proved nothing Drew....I asked you to show me where I‘ve said counselling is preferable to divorce in ANY of my posts...you can‘t do that because I‘ve never said it...and have never implied it.."

In the first paragraph you say counselling should be given a chance. In the second one, you deny that you say counselling is preferable. By saying you shouldn‘t recommend divorce in some instances, you are admitting that counselling is prefereable to divorce if the brainwashed cuckolded man wants counselling. You have contradicted yourself and proved my point.

"This isn‘t a battleground Drew..."

Of ideas and consistency of said ideas, it is so. That is called debate. That is what this board is for. Get over it.

"nobody‘s obliged to attack anyone here..."

And yet I get attacked all the time. How about a little consistency?