WomanSavers.com Forum / MEN'S AREA / Thoughts on wifes involvement with another man

don‘t be a fool.  she is making you stay home with the kids so she can go out and have fun....with another guy!....ALONE!

the idea here is that if you are at home with the kids, you can‘t check up on her.

Do you have a friend that can come over and stay with the kids after they have gone to bed?

She is up to no good, that I can guarantee.  There is absolutely NO reason why she needs to see him alone drinking and NO reason why he needs to do the same when he has a wife and family as well.

Tell her its inappropriate and if she gets defensive, then there is your answer.  You need to find a babysitter to come over after she has left and try to watch their interaction without her seeing you.

I was left home with the kids, and boy was I a fool.  I thought i was being a good husband and letting her blow off some steam because she too was a SAHM.

And yes, you are being a doormat.  let me guess.  She didn‘t ask you...she TOLD you she was going to do this and that you need to stay home with the kids??

and she gets defensive about spending time with "male friends".  I‘ll bet she never stays home with the kids while you go out does she?

maybe you should just divorce this obvious sorry excuse of a wife.

"To me this thing looks like a straight up date.  Out for dinner and drinks alone with this guy.  She defends it by saying they are old friends and that they never have a chance to catch up when other people are around.  The desire to be alone with this guy made me angry."

Of course this looks like a real date....BECAUSE IT IS! You should be damn angry and she should know that.

There is absolutely nothing ok/apropriate about her behaviour and she is walking all over you. Tell her NO!

Or better yet I agree with the above...Go find out what‘s going on. 5-6 emails a day? That‘s the recipe for disaster.

All I can say is you already know something‘s wrong...The question is what you plan on doing to stop this immediately.

Hearing this kind of stuff from users of this forum makes me wonder if those stories are fake or if those men are dumb and naive as they sound...

I don‘t think she‘s cheating to be honest...BUT I could be wrong.

I wouldn‘t mind so much her going out for drinks with this guy if you knew him as well. I have guy friends I catch up with for coffee and might sometimes meet up and go to a gig as we have similar tastes in music...but my boyfriend knows these guys, is on friendly terms with them...also they are all in relationships themselves with women I know and am on friendly terms with....its the fact that she hasn‘t arranged for you two to meet that worries me.

The woman emails this guy everyday, goes out for dinners and drinks with him while he takes care of kids and that‘s what worries you ?

I couldn‘t expect anything different from you, bublecropper...

I have a question for the topic creator, though. Your woman EVEN WORK ?

She is having an emotional affair with this guy, which will probably turn into a physical affair.  This is why she has not and will not let you meet him.

Talutah asks some very good questions.  And yes, it was most definitely a date.

Hi, Adam.   For sure it‘s a date!    Sorry!   She doesn‘t want you to meet him because she has feelings for him.  You will probably never meet him.  But if you do, you can bet your sweet bippy she will not have a good time.  The frequency of their e-mail exchanges is a bit alarming.  Some of them being flirtatious is completely unacceptable.  That certainly is not normal friendship behavior.  Who has that kind of time to e-mail with that frequency on a daily basis?  I don‘t have that kind of time for my girlfriends, nor do they for me. 

I have a male friend.  We‘ve been friends over 20 years now.  We meet up for drinks maybe twice a month.  I couldn‘t give two craps what I look like when we do go out, nor does he.  He has a girlfriend.   Sometimes she comes out, too.  Sometimes not.  If he wants to go out and she doesn‘t, she tells him to call me.  She‘s had me to her home for dinner with them.  I‘ve invited them to dinner at my home.  We all go out to dinner together sometimes.  They vacation at a local beach once a year and I am always invited to come for a day or two.  She‘s the one who is disappointed if I can‘t make it.  He and I exchange random joke emails and that‘s about it.  She and I do about the same.  My point in all of this is that what I‘ve stated here is normal friendship behavior.  

Where there are secrets, there are lies/hidden truths.  You‘re going to have to do some "research" to find out what‘s really going on there. 

Best of luck to you!

Adam,  even if she is not having an affair, she is not being a good wife. She should think about your feelings.

I do believe that men and women can be just friends, as long as neither of them is attracted to each other sexual. 

I think she is bored with her life and he adds a bit of excitement to it.  I am sure he tells her she is pretty, fun to be with and that he wishes his wife was more like her. 

He is her fantasy man and introducing you to him would kill the fantasy.  I am sure it started out innocent and that is why she told you about him,  it has since evolved to not innocent.

You need to lay down the law.  This isn‘t acceptable in a marriage. I would bet that he is totally different then you.

She needs to get her **** together or get out!!

hey, i was a trusting husband with a wife that did the same as original poster.  so if he is dumb, then you are calling me dumb a well.... and for you to call me dumb, or any other person that simply has been played for a fool, well, you can just go f#ck yourself.

you wouldn‘t be here if you didn‘t get played for a fool by some woman....as misogynistic as you are.

MTB  you aren‘t dumb!  Either is he.

I think that a lot of us were played for a fool!  That is on them  not on us!  You should be able to trust your spouse,  you shouldn‘t have to worry about them cheating, or emailing other people.

I feel the only thing I am guilty of is trusting the man I married. 

"hey, i was a trusting husband with a wife that did the same as original poster."

Nice way to introduce yourself.

"so if he is dumb, then you are calling me dumb a well.... and for you to call me dumb, or any other person that simply has been played for a fool, well, you can just go f#ck yourself."

Right back at ya!

"you wouldn‘t be here if you didn‘t get played for a fool by some woman....as misogynistic as you are."

No, I haven‘t been played a fool by some woman. To me, any married person these days = dumb in one way or the other. Sorry, that‘s how it is. A married guy who‘s wife goes on dates is just a step further. In the case of this guy, IF he is saying the truth about this situation, he probably is stuck with no solution. If I ever find myself in this situation, that last thing I would do is ask for advice on the internet. People here can‘t help him. And if, like you say, this forum is for people who "has been played a fool",  probably they have been in the similar situations and couldn‘t deal with them themselves. How they are going to help others ?

I would not accept that my girlfriend to go in this kind of date with friends, in this situation I would just walk away. That‘s the only thing you can do. Of course, in his case, he is married, and would lose contact with his kids, lose his money, so on and on. So, his situation has no solution, the only thing he can do is a pray to the gods and ask them to make his wife to behave herself. The rest is just out of reach.

You never know what you will do or how will you react until you have been in that situation.

I hope I have helped people who come to this site.

May I ask why you are here if you would never ask for advice on the internet and believe we are incapable of helping?

"May I ask why you are here if you would never ask for advice on the internet and believe we are incapable of helping?"

I don‘t think his situation can be helped. Like I said, the only thing he can do is pray that his wife behaves.

Look how he describes his own marriage:

"As far as my relationship with my wife is concerned, things could be better.  I help out with the kids immediately when I get home from work.  Basically tell her to relax and I‘ll take it from here.  She is not very affectionate with me.  I‘d say I‘m the instigator of most of the affection in the relationship.  If I stop the hugs, the cuddling, etc. it just doesn‘t happen at all.   
Sex is not all that frequent.  Maybe once a month.  I think this is fairly typical for a married couple with 2 young kids.  She says she is tired all the time and that the kids take a lot out of her.  I understand completely and don‘t push the issue"

I don‘t how accurate is his description, but  it seems that he is not that happy about his marriage situation anyway.

What I would do in his situation would be:

I would show to her my thoughts about her involviment with this man, though, I would exercise restraint to not be accused of excessive jealousy or something.

Then I would put a detective to see what happens in those "dates" and takes pictures. If happens that she is cheating, I would also have a lawyer ready for anything.

Another thing. He never met this guy. He does not know who he is. Probably he is some "nice guy" who likes his wife for a long time, while she sees him only "as a friend", but he is waiting for any opportunity to have her. I know that I, as a man, would never want to meet alone with a married woman, far from her husband. If he wants that, I would say there is a good chance that he wants something.

Hahahahahaha!!!!!