WomanSavers.com Forum / MEN'S AREA / Guilt...Help Me!

Hi everyone,

I need a female perspective. First, a little history; I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half, I am very much in love with her and she says she feels the same way. We have not had sex, she says she wants to wait for marriage not because of religious reasons but she is afraid of pregnancy (even .1% chance is too much of a chance), and so I understand and support her in that. We do engage in intimate activity however, you know, deep kissing erotic massage and the like we have had this arrangement for about a year now and this seems to take care of our needs just fine. However yesterday she told me she wants to back off with that kind of activity "we can still hold hands and kiss" I was wondering if this is some sort of precursor of a break up and so I asked her "Why the change of heart?" she explained that lately she feels guilty and depressed after we do engage in such activities and she doesn‘t know why. I went to a men‘s forum asking about this and they said to keep dating her and just start engaging in these activities with another girl but I think that’s probably the worst idea I have ever heard. I wanted to know what I could do to ease that guilt and if this has happened to any other women here. I am just so afraid that she is feeling guilty because she doesn‘t want to be with me anymore or worse she was charmed by some smooth talker into breaking her abstinence and now she is afraid to tell me. She cheated on me once before and I don‘t know if I can handle another. I‘m not so worried about lack of physical intimacy it just bothers me a lot that she feels guilty and it kind of makes me feel bad that I do that to her. Please help!

You cannot make her feel guilty, she feels guilty on her own.   Those are her feelings.  You have no control over how she feels, so stop taking on her guilt.

When you say she cheated on you before, what do you mean by “cheating,” since she is saving herself for marriage?

Sorry, Lover, but erotic massages and blow jobs to me is sex.  I don’t care what Bill Clinton wants to call it.  It is sex.  Let’s call a spade a spade. 

She wants to cut off the play fun.
You want to keep it going.

She cheated before.
You didn‘t.

What‘s the ****ing mystery? Stop getting swept up in this womanly notion about regaining someone‘s trust. Dump this bitch for cheating on you. You have nothing to feel gulity about since she broke your trust. Simple as that. Think logically. Be a man.

I would be worried lover. She doesn‘t have a clean history...If you‘re used to doing the things she‘s beginning to feel guilty about...there‘s something going on.

I have the same ? as above...what‘s cheating?

I‘m sorry I was not very specific; by not having sex I meant my penis has never penetrated her vagina. Also I don‘t know if you would consider this cheating but I did; We had agreed on an exclusive relationship and about a year after that I found out she had begun seeing another man and if erotic massage and the like is considered sex then she was having sex with him as well. She broke up with me to be with this other man at which point he promptly told her he did not want to see her anymore. That was 2 years ago. CaliforniaGirl thank you, you are right, I cannot fix her guilt she must confront it herself I had forgotten that we slay our own dragons. Kitty Kitty it‘s good to be validated in my suspicion and I will certainly keep an eye out thank you. And Drew thank you for the encouragement about not feeling guilty and thank you for the advice, it may come to me dumping her but for now I am content and maybe that is illogical and "womanly" and it may lead to pain down the road, I accept that and for now I will see where this is going.