WomanSavers.com Forum / MEN'S AREA / how can I stop cheating!??!!

I am the last person to give you advice on this one.

I will admit that I don‘t understand.  I have never known men to have sex with other men who weren‘t gay.  The fact that you choose to cheat with men tells me that you are in denial about your sexual orientation.

I hope that while you are engaging in these destructive activities you are not also having sex with your wife.  You are putting her life, and her health, in danger if you are.

I strongly recommend that you see a therapist.  I think you should also find a 12 step group for sex addicts.  And you need to tell your wife what you‘ve been doing.  It is likely to end your marriage and break her heart, but she needs to know.  If you have engaged in relations with her as well, she should be completely tested for STDs.  Do not try to take the easy way out and continue to deceive her.  She does not deserve this.

I really hope that you will seek immediate counseling and testing.

The first thing taht you need to do is come clean with your wife. It will be hard but you must do it. She may very well leave you but you are the on that has issues not her.

The second thing you must do get yourself to a doctor and have a complete STD panel. You should have your wife do this also.

Third, get yourself into counseling. You say that as a child you were sexually abused by a 17 year old. Did you receive any counseling as a result of the abuse????

Fourth, hire a lawyer(divorce) you are gonna need cause unless your wife is Mother Theresa reincarnated she is gonna kick your ass to the curb.

Good luck you are gonna need it. But you have brought all of this on yourself. Own your **** to your wife not just on a message board.

By the sounds of it, you really don‘t want to be called "gay"...so I‘m not going to tell you that you are. However, I am going to tell you that their does appear to be some internal confusion going on with regards to your sexuality...as a therapist I would urge you to get some talk therapy so that you can figure all of this out...you are only hurtinbg yourself, your wife and the people that you are cheating with by staying the way you are. Nobody here can give you a magic pill that is going to make you (1) stop cheating and (2) stop being attracted to men for sex...in fact their is no known way of changing ones sexual preference, whether you are hetero, home or bi sexual. A therapist is not going to change your sexuality, but they may help you to explore each choice fully and be comfortable with the choice you make. There is nothing wrong with being homosexual or bisexual, in fact their is a theory that we are all born bisexual and that at some stage in early development we subconsciously veer towards either homosexuality or heterosexuality, some children don‘t veer towards either and stay bisexual...again, this is only one of many theories out there. OK, lets be real, their are still some homophobic people out there (usually with latent homosexual tendencies themselves) who would be prone to looking down on anyone "different" but I think that society is becoming more accepting of the different sexualities that can exist in humankind, the more the pioneering genetic scientists and psychologists learn about our fascinating psyche and biological processes the more we are realising that these different sexual preference are not abnormal...they are simply the way we have developed.

As far as the cheating goes...come on, you don‘t really think their is a way that you can just stop cheating do you? The first thing you need to do is understand why you are cheating...and I think by sitting down with a professional and discussing your sexuality on a cerebral level will help a lot.

This kind of thing annoys me to no end.  I just can‘t understand why people hurt and abuse young children.  I hate it.  Look how it‘s effecting your life years later.  GRRRRR!!!

It‘s not like you go on automatic pilot, I‘m sure you seek out partners to cheat with.  It‘s a choice.  Your wife is not going to take this well.  But this is something you have got to come clean about to her.  I personally really hate when things are hidden from me and I have no say in the matter.  She deserves to know and make her own decisions.

not only are you gay but you hate yourself. you feel you are worthless and just to prove it you act worthless.

perhaps you are re-inacting the rape you suffered.

what ever it is, its unhealthy mentally and physically dangerous.

ask your wife what she thinks you should to.

STOP!  Make the commitment to yourself and get serious.  Sure any addiction is extremely difficult to overcome, and many people resort to all sorts of ways to deal with it.  The mind is much stronger than any one of us really knows and you can use it to your advantage.

Did you read the story a few years ago about a young man that was rock climbing in NJ and got his arm caught so badly he could not free himself.  After a few days he took his pocket knife and cut his arm off so he could live.  TRUE story, look it up.

You say you have a problem and you want to quit?  Then do it.

Bottom line, to answer the question  how can I stop cheating!??!!

You will stop cheating when you leave this earth.

cuz once a cheater always a cheater.