WomanSavers.com Forum / MEN'S AREA / I need some clear advice, please

Let me get this straight.

You expose her lies and it blows up in your face? How the hell did she turn the conversation around on you and make it your fault? Let me guess. She said, "How dare you not trust me," all the while ignoring the fact that it was her sneaky and lying behavior which caused you to distrust her and check up on her in the first place. If you fell for that, you really let her sneak one by you back then.

So when your ex came back because he wanted to settle for you, you wouldn‘t take him back.

GOOD FOR YOU. WAY TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.


Now I hope you would tell this man the same thing. That he doesn‘t have to settle for someone who clearly isn‘t into him anymore and isn‘t in love with him anymore.

Just when I was beginning to think this board had a bit more wisdom than I had assumed, I was proven wrong. We have yet another woman subtly encouraging a man to take back a wife who will cheat on him as she doesn‘t love him anymore by dignifying this lying bitch and going along with her games. Via, counselling, where she can blame everything on the man.

Counselling? To get her to finally open up to the husband? Sorry but I don‘t buy this crap. If you can‘t talk to your husband or wife about anything, it‘s ****ing over. Cheaters always use this excuse. "I just couldn‘t take to you about my true feelings. It‘s your fault, etc."

I‘M SORRY. I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE ABOUT ANYTHING. CERTAINLY MORE THAN SOME RANDOM PIECE ON THE SIDE WHOM YOU SHOULDN‘T BE FUCKING.

Now back to cheaters using this pathetic excuse. It‘s from the book WOMEN‘S ADULTERY by Michele Langley.

ML:  I understand that that’s what you believe, but again, all of your decisions so far have been
leading you away from a life with your husband and in order to get clarity, we can’t
sidestep that fact. We also can’t sidestep several other facts either. For instance, you
need to acknowledge the fact that you asked your husband to move out of the house
because you met a man that you were attracted to at work. Additionally, you should
accept the fact that your husband would do anything that you asked him to do and that the
only reason your needs were not being met in your marriage is that you never told him
exactly what those needs were.

Other: I agree with what you’re saying, but let’s not make Brad out to be some kind of
saint. You and I both know that he’s not. From the beginning, I waited on that
man hand and foot. Brad wouldn’t do anything for himself and after we got
married it was the same thing.

ML:So, why exactly did you love Brad so much and want to spend the rest of your life with
him?

Other: I know what you’re doing…you are trying to turn this around on me.

ML:No, I’m trying to make you see that you’re not an innocent victim. You not only created
the life that you had with Brad, but you went after that life with a vengeance. You waited
on Brad hand and foot because you wanted something from him – marriage. So let’s not
pretend that you were being selfless or loving. You wanted something from Brad and
you were willing to do whatever it took to get it. Brad was a pretty hot commodity when
you married him and you wanted to be the one to win the prize.

Other: You’re right, I did.

M:"Women love a challenge just like men do and you found Brad to be a challenge;
therefore, you were willing to modify your behavior to get him. So the life you had with
Brad was created by your own design. However, after closing the deal and winning the
prize, you, like the majority of women who pretend to be something they’re not in order
to get “the guy” had to make a decision. Here the decision was to either come clean and
feel like a fraud for luring your husband in under false pretenses or subvert your desires
and hope that one day your husband would just figure out what your needs were on his
own.
Unfortunately, like most men, your husband didn’t know he was playing a guessing game
so he wasn’t even trying to guess what you wanted. He thought he knew what you
wanted. He thought you wanted to marry him. He thought you wanted to be his wife and
do all of the things you had done in the past – both prior to getting married and during the
beginning of your marriage.

Other: Okay, so all of this is my fault, right?

ML:Sondra, now you’re trying to pull the “poor me” card. That won’t get you anywhere.

Other: But I feel like you think this is all my fault and I don’t believe that that’s true.

ML:Many women have a really hard time taking responsibility for their actions because
they’ve been conditioned to believe that they’re innately good. Most of the time, they
don’t even have to make excuses for their bad behavior because society has always been
eager to makes excuses for them. This is one of women’s greatest stumbling blocks to
happiness because it allows women to believe that their happiness is contingent upon the
behaviors and actions of others as opposed to something that they alone control.

Women constantly say to me that they can’t tell their husbands the truth because they
don’t want to hurt their husbands; but the truth is they don’t want to lose the power they
have over their husbands. Most women know full well that their power lies in their
image. So not telling the truth is simply their way of remaining in control and
maintaining their special privileges.


Unfortunately, this is a no-win situation. Women lose respect and desire for their
husbands when they’re able to deceive and manipulate them. For instance, you see your
husband as a child who needs to be protected because you think he can’t cope with the
truth of who you really are and of what you’re really capable. Yet, maintaining the
illusion of who you are feels false to you because it makes you feel like a child.

Other: Yes, that’s exactly how I feel. How can I feel close to someone who doesn’t even
know me?

ML:Or to someone who you believe would stop loving you if they did?

Other:Yes, I do think he would stop loving me if he knew the truth. I think he needs to
believe that women are all sweet and innocent.

ML:This is what ultimately can kill a woman’s attraction to a man. Many women have begun
to realize that they’re playing a role and many want to drop the role, but they don’t think
men will be able to handle it. Women are afraid that men will either reject them

(Read: withdraw their support, protection and resources. - Drew J)

 if they drop the act or stay with them and become terribly insecure.

(Read: justifiably paranoid - Drew J)

So they believe it’s a loselose situation. They either get dumped or…

Other: Or, they’re stuck living with an insecure man which is just as bad.

ML: Right.

Other: I would love for the man I’m with to know the truth. I want a man to know that if
I’m not happy, I’ll move on. I also want a man to know how important sex is to me
and that if I’m not sexually satisfied, I’ll get sexually satisfied somewhere else. But
men don’t get that and I don’t see why. Why would we need to say it? Shouldn’t
this just be obvious?

(The only thing obvious is that she‘s a spoiled, backstabbing, slut. Note how she DOES NOT mention the most obvious win-win reaction, simply ASK her man for what she wants. - Drew J)

ML:You’re acting as if it’s men’s fault for believing women’s lies. Women seem to want
men to see through their deception and manipulation, but wouldn’t it be just as easy for
women to stop being deceptive and manipulative?

Other: But how can we if men can’t handle it?

ML: Trust me, men can handle it. Advertisers and the media have convinced each sex of the
illusion that they have to be someone other than who they are to attract the other sex but
it’s ridiculous because nature has already deemed it to be so. Men and women are
attracted to each other – that’s just the way it is. Believing otherwise is a result of being
raised in a consumer society which only thrives by creating imaginary desires and
insecurities

As suspected, it usually takes a man to set things right with regards to cheating women and what to do with them. Occasionally you‘ll find a woman speaking correctly on the issue and giving correct recommendations instead of playing on team vagina, but that‘s rare.

overandout wrote:

I‘m sorry to give my negative opinion but I think your relationship is probably ending. my hubby and I went through counseling because he was texting and having coffee with a co-worker and swearing it was all business. if you feel it‘s ‘iffy‘ then it is. I finally gave him an ultimatum: her or me, totally. he chose her. I‘m still dying inside but realize he wasn‘t the keeper I thought he was. and....think this way: if she knew she would lose and arm if she talked to him again, she‘d stop. right? she CAN stop but is choosing to continue. if she‘ll go into counseling with you, it might get you back on track. if she won‘t, there‘s an answer too. good luck. I know the pain so well.

Another wise woman who doesn‘t play team vagina. Nice to see.

Yes. You realized he is not a keeper. This guy jrjr apparently hasn‘t realized that his wife isn‘t one either. He just doesn‘t want to though. Amazing how he is willing to go through the pain of not trusting her and always worrying, but he is not willing to ditch her completely, and only suffer temporary pain at being single, only to be relieved that he doesn‘t have to go through the worry about being with a likely cheater ever again now that he is alone.

Why a man (OR EVEN A WOMAN FOR THAT MATTER) would take a longer duration of the first kind of pain over only a temporary duration of the second kind of pain listed above just boggles my ****ing mind.