WomanSavers.com Forum / MEN'S AREA / i could really use some advice from married women

after 30 years, my high school sweetheart contacted me, to "see how my life turned out". we had no contact in all of those years, and yet here she was tracking me down....

i will get straight to the point. she married a man at age 23 because she feared being alone and wanted kids. she has admitted that she never was in love with him but he provided for her and kept her safe. in her own words, her marriage is good....but she is not in love with her husband.

 for the past six months, we have spoken every day, visited each other several times, and now she is telling me that a) she has fallen in love with me, knows that she has found the love of her life, and b) has thought about leaving her husband for me.

she has also been honest from day one by saying that she cant guarantee she can leave and wants to be sure that i will be there if she does leave. further, she is not sure she is strong enough to uproot her very nice life, and leave family, friends, job and kids, though the kids are gone now. and yes, i am able to provide for her....

how do i know she is in love with me?? well, she has flown to my city to spend 4 days with me giving an excuse to her hubby. she has told her closest friends about me and that she is in love with me. we have made love on the living room couch of her home while hubby is working, and she is planning several getaways where she spends entire 4 day weekends with me, alone. she has broken down and pleaded with me to stay when i said it was time for a break. and her words and e-mails are always loving, fun and simply more than a married woman involved in an affair.

i too have fallen in love with her, and if she were to break away from her husband my heart tells me to walk her down the aisle immediately. but, if she doesnt break away from him it will be my heart that is shattered....

i am asking those women here to give me an honest assessment. does it sound like she will leave for me? once again, i KNOW i am the love of her life. yes, its an affair, but to both of us its more than that.....

please help me out here.....

o i feel sorry for you. you didn‘t see any of this coming?

you are a cheater. you are sleeping with a married women which makes you the other man.

putting that aside for the moment i think wild horses can‘t drag this leech off you.

She is a cake eater Hank.  She will never leave her marriage.  Sounds like you two are back in high school.

Oh, and I must add, I am sure you are not her first affair.

Tracked ya down, huh?  Ya think that mighta bin yur first clu?

My word!  She should be about 48 now and has been married to her "mistake" for 25 years and used him to provide her with creature comforts and kids.  What a jewel!

So she‘s in luuuuv.  Do me a favor.  Ask her to define what love is and means then post her response.  I want to see if I‘ve missed anything by being faithful to my wife.

Yup!  There it is.  That "nice life" she doesn‘t want to give up.  Ever heard of a cake-eater?

So, lying to her husband to be with you is a measure of luuuuuv.  Cool!  I never knew that before.  Guess that means that the more she lies to you the more she luuuvs you, huh?

Hey, Hank.  Are you married?  You didn‘t say.  Just wondering.  After all, you cake-eaters hafta stick together, ya know.

Let‘s get serious.  What kind of help do you expect from people on a site dedicated to those whose spouses and partners, present or past, have betrayed their trust and done precisely what you and your doxie are doing.

By the way, screwing her on his sofa.  Nice touch.  Did the kids line up and score your performance?

Let me help you out, Hank.  After all it‘s the least I can do as a former betrayed husband.  The fact that I‘m a man is inconsequential because clearly that‘s something you‘re not.

Oh, yeah.  Help you out.  The exit is to your right, clearly marked by your wrong.

Seeyalaterbye!

after 30 years, my high school sweetheart contacted me, to "see how my life turned out". we had no contact in all of those years, and yet here she was tracking me down....

RED FLAG!!  SHE‘S LOOKING FOR A SUCOR

i will get straight to the point. she married a man at age 23 because she feared being alone and wanted kids.

TRANSALATION: WANTED A GUARANTEED INCOME FOR HALF HER LIFE.

she has admitted that she never was in love with him

BUT SHE LIED TO HIM ABOUT IT

but he provided for her and kept her safe.

WHAT SHE WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE AND WANT SHE WANTS NOW...EVIDENT LATER IN YOUR OWN POST

in her own words, her marriage BASED ON HER LIES is good....but she is not in love with her husband...BUT HIS ABILITY TO PROVIDE

 for the past six months, we have spoken every day, visited each other several times, and now she is telling me that a) she has fallen in love with me, SHE YOLD HIM THAT TOO knows that she has found the love of her life, TOLD HIM THAT TOO and b) has thought about leaving her husband for me.WOULD‘VE TOLD HIM THAT TOO

she has also been honest from day one

20 YEARS OF LIVING A LIE BUT SHE‘LL BE HONEST WITH YOU??  WAKE UP BROTHER!!!

by saying that she cant guarantee she can leave and wants to be sure that i will be there if she does leave.

YOU‘RE IN LUST AND INCAPABLE OF SEEING THE BIG PICTURE....RUN!!!

further, she is not sure she is strong enough to uproot her very nice life, and leave family, friends, job and kids,

SHE SHOULDN‘T

though the kids are gone now. and yes, i am able to provide for her....

YOU THINK NOW....BUT WAIT TIL SHE GETS YOUR CHECKBOOK

how do i know she is in love with me??

SHE‘S NOT. SHE‘S USING YOU

well, she has flown to my city to spend 4 days with me giving an excuse

LIEING

to her hubby. she has told her closest friends about me and that she is in love with me.

BS‘ING YOU

we have made love on the living room couch of her home while hubby is working,

DECIEVING

and she is planning several getaways where she spends entire 4 day weekends with me, alone. she has broken down and pleaded with me to stay when i said it was time for a break. and her words and e-mails are always loving, fun and simply more than a married woman involved in an affair.

MANIPULATOR

i too have fallen in love with her, and if she were to break away from her husband my heart tells me to (FALL FOR HER BS)walk her down the aisle immediately. but, if she doesnt break away from him it will be (THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN TO A FOOL BLINDE BY LUST) my heart that is shattered....

i am asking those women here to give me an honest assessment. does it sound like she will leave for me? SOUNDS LIKE SHE‘LL SH*T IN YOUR FACE TOO once again, i KNOW i am the love of her life. yes, its an affair, but to both of us its more than that.....

please help me out here.....

Hank, break it off with her.  Do not call, write or go any where near this woman. 

If she divorces her husband.........stays single for a year (while establishing herslf, ie; household, job, etc) then I say give it a whirl.

I would guess she ain‘t leaving her comfy life.  And if she did leave for you and go straight to you.........you get a mess and the stinky garbage that goes with it. 

Good luck!

I don‘t think she will leave her husband.  Between the two of you, she has it made.  He provides the stability and you provide the excitement.  I wouldn‘t want things to change either if I were her.  But, what do you want?

SAM

Hank,

    You are getting a cheater.  If you are ok with that, then so be it. 

     Just quit letting her sneak around behind her husband‘s back and make her come to a decision and leave him.  Its not fair to her husband and you would want the same courtesy....to not have a cheating wife.

What the hell were you thinking?????? Have you lost your mind???????? You are sunk to the bottom of the cesspool,congrats on that. You have to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with a cheater. If you have any morals at all you will tell this hussy that if she wants a life with you then to divorce her husband and become a productive member of society. Then maybe you two can have a life.

And one more thing, why would you post something like this on a website for women that have been cheated on and/or abused by spouses or significant others?

Hank, Hank, Hank,

I find you and this "woman" to be skanks

To the bottom of the barrel you have sank

Keep her around and you‘ll lose your bank

The atmosphere around you both is dank

Not to mention, the smell is rank

If I were her H, I‘d run over you both with a tank

Taaa-Daaa! (Learning takes a bow).  This post was fun for me, so fanks a lot.

Hank, on a more serious note, this woman intentionally weazled her way into your life.  Know why she‘s being "honest" about you with her friends?  My money‘s on this possible reason:  They‘re all having extra-marital affairs and comparing notes and stories, seeing how much they each get away with and laughing their asses off.   It‘s a game to them.  You‘re just a pawn. 

Now, who gets the checkmate? 

No, I got the point. 

But she said:

"I wouldn‘t want things to change either if I were her."

Don‘t know if she is joking or not.  She could mean it.

I don‘t get involved with married men.  Hell, it is hard enough to be involved with unmarried men--ha ha.  My next boyfriend needs to be an orphan who never married or had children.

I think some people can compartmentalize and put emotions in one box, security or their work in another box, their family (children) in another one.  Some people can live double lives very easily.  No guilt.  Keep all the little compartments seperate.  My former spouse was one of them.  He liked living a double life but was real bad at covering his tracks.  The cell phone did him in.

Back to the poster though, if the woman involved got to keep her financial security by staying married but got to have some fun every now and then had her emotional needs met by the other man, why would she change things?  The OM knew she was married from the get-go so he really cannot pressure her to leave her husband.  It is win-win for her and most likely a losing situation for him if he really loves her.  Not ideal at all.

SAM

Not until the husband finds out.  And if he has any integrity, he will file for divorce and there goes her happy home.