WomanSavers.com Forum / MEN'S AREA / Intro

Ohhhhhhhhhh, ladies!  I gotta say I‘m happy to be here.  You all so frequently mis-read us guys, maybe I can clarify things.

I‘m not here to be combative, I just hope to get some feedback from you, and maybe we can help understand each other.

Me: I‘m 44, divorced, non-custodial father of one boy (whom  I love dearly), great income, with no "drive" to remarry (i.e. neither opposed or seeking marriage).  Translation: No woman‘s presence has tickled my belly lately.  :)

So let‘s go; look for my comments everywhere.

This should be fun!   and   with that!

I‘ve only just landed here myself a few days ago myself and while I understand that the women here primarily share one thing in common that influences their perspectives, as a man whose ex needed the attention of other men (part of why she‘s the ex), I find that the ladies are right on target as a general rule.

Most of all they pull no punches so I hope you‘re quick on your feet.

Now would someone please pass the popcorn so I can just sit back and enjoy the show.

Okay   Question and answer time!

Why did you get divorced?

How long were you married?

Just how much money do you make? 

How old is your son?

Are you a good day, do you spend time with him,  do you go places with him??

Divorced after 22 years.  My ex transformed, became extremely controlling and fiscally reckless, and she accused me daily of affairs, which I honestly never had. It was an unbearable environment to live in.  Counceling didn‘t help.

Nearly $90k, and where I live, that‘s pretty good.

He‘s 13, I bought a house close enough he can walk over any time he wants. I see hime about four times a week average; we are very close.  We actually get more quality father/son time since the divorce.

I‘d like to present for comment: My closeness with my son has been an issue recently with having a girlfriend...The very women who say their kids come first to them seem to have issues with my kid coming first to me.  Somehow they forget their children do have a father and want me to replace him  at the expense of my own child....come on, they ARE another man‘s kids.  Moms should encourage the natural father to participate in the kids‘ lifes, not make it a hassle. 

I‘ll check back tonight.

Now this I can agree with wholeheartedly.  I woulod never have spent any time or attention on any woman who resented my time with my children.

Unfortunately, the ex decided to perform a radical parentectomy to sever me from my two youngest daughters but throughout, my eventual wife wasd always wholly supportive of my efforts to combat the ex in this regard.

Admittedly, the four-figure monthly child support I paid was a bit of a shock to my wife but she admired the fact that I paid it faithfully and never complained about it.  Her ex never did provide any support for their two daughters.

Actually, Audie, if you ever needed a "test" of a woman‘s devotion to and belief in you, supporting a child from a previous marriage is as good a one as you can get.

Wow  you answered  I am impressed.  and to think i was being a smart ASS and asked about money.

I agree with you about the children,  I cant stand when divorced parents  bring there gf/bf  in and out of the kids lives.  I dont think you should introduce the child to a bf/gf  until you have been dating somebody for months.  I respect that you moved close so that you can stay in your kids life.

I respect a man that puts his kids first!  I also respect a man that tells his kids,  that he has a date tonight and will see him when he gets home  or the next night.  everybody needs to be put first  sometimes.  A decent woman will understand if something important comes up and you need to change plans.

My stbx moved one street over  so he could stalk me and check up on me.

How long have you been single??  I wonder if your wife wasnt feeling loved or appreciated  and thats why she was that way to you.  starving for attention?  or was she having an affair  and twisted it around to make you look bad.  I do give you bonus points  for trying counceling!!

Impressed I answered?  I like these dicussions.

Forgive my inexperience here, but what does "stbx" mean?  I‘m sure I‘d put it together over time but will ask.

I‘ve been divorced just over two years now.  We lived separately a year and a half before that.  I dated no one during the separation.

I don‘t think the X had an affair either.  I do think she was extremely insecure.

Why did you get divorced and after how long?  Considering this web site, I assume it was an affair?

"a radical parentectomy"...parental alienation...it takes a lot of time and determination to get through that.  Thankfully I hung in long enough my son could form his own opinion. 

I understand a mother‘s desire to have a dependable father figure in the home, and that‘s good.

I just wish they would understand that when dating, a man is looking for a meaningful relationship with a woman, not a meaningful relationship with children...I think a good relationship with kids who aren‘t your own takes considerable time. 

I dated one lady who practically evaluated every interaction I had with her child.  That was stressful and derailed our relationship before I could have grown close to the boy.

It‘s a pleasure to meet you.  Thank you for joining this site. 

Looking forward to reading your posts. 

Thank you, Learning.

I must say, I only joined here last night and I THOUGHT I‘d find a lot of man-hating, hurt women on here.  I had expected a bunch of jabs at me but so far all has been polite. 

Looking forward to exchanging perspectives with you all.

Sunny, I‘m sorry ya married a man who turned into an *ss.  Ya know, if he cheated on ya, I support your position in a divorce; if he hit you, I support you even more.  If I knew you, I‘d have more to say.

Ladies, NEVER return to a man who has hit you, regardless of how hard it may be to leave.

Hang in there, not all men suck. 

Sunny, yes my X was insecure from the beginning.  At first I thought it was just part of being married (we were married at 18), I wasn‘t old enough to know what a healthy marriage should look like, so I gave in much more than I ever should have.