WomanSavers.com Forum / MEN'S AREA / heres a question or two.....

I walked into a situation (after i had just gotten off a 16 hour shift) and caught my wife having sex with a black man and a white woman.  she was (yes i said was, we are getting a divorce now) my first love, i started dating her when i was 12 i‘ve known her since i was 5 years old, never been with another woman. i got arrested that day for the first time in my life. i messed up bad that day, went into the other room while the two people got dressed and left, and i proceeded to drink a fifth of scotch WAY too fast, ended up catching a domestic violence charge because of it. i felt betrayed beyond belief, i had no idea how to react really. i‘m 30 years old now and scared out of my mind about attempting to meet new people.

question #1

why isn‘t there a site out there for men like this?

question #2

any woman care to tell me how the hell after the divorce i should attempt to approach a woman, after a 13 year marriage (with me having 3 kids), to just say hi?

question #3

how can i find a LOYAL, HONEST, GOOD lady. i don‘t want an emotional vampire like i am getting rid of.

WOW!  Sorry to hear about your situation.  I understand what you mean about not knowing how to handle the situation.  I found myself walking around in circles at work and could not function.  I told myself I was not going to go to jail over this.  If you are having a hard time of it, try councilling.  I learned allot from doing that.  Insurance should help pay a portion of that.  I went to church and that helped me more than anything.  I am not a re-born or about to preach to you but I found it was helpful to go there and clear my head.

Now to answer you questions, #1 - good question. I just walked into the room to catch the bit on TV, Tool Time, where Tim is telling his wife that men do not atalk to men about relationships.  She say yes but he, meaning his brother, is having sex with another a women.  Tim says Yeah, but that‘s not a relationship. LOL!  (Not funny but had to laugh at Tim)

#2 Just like meeting anybody else.  Wlk right up to them and say Hello my name is .......!  How are you?  A woman wants a man with confidence in  himself.  Show that and be polite and you have got it started.

#3  Make good decisions.  Don‘t rush into a relationship.  Those who do find they made a mistake and are vurdened with guilt feelings having to get out, time wasted and bad feelings for that period of time when you realiize you acted too fast.  Take it slow.  Give yourself plenty of time.  Date several women and I don‘t mean get busy screwing around I mean don‘t fall in love with the 1st women who holds your hand.  Trust your gut feelings,  use common sense.  Is she a trash talker, does she have good manners, is she polite, does she care about her looks and take care of herself, does she work and earn a living, does she like the bar scene or a stay at home.  You sound like an intelligent guy.  I think if you just take your time and make good decisions you will be just fine.  Come back and visit.  I hope this info. helps you.

Good luck and ^5‘s!

I am sorry you have to go threw this and your children to.I would have went after them to and my h .

It takes time,one day at a time.Dont rush to meet someone ,it will happen when the time is right.

I wouldn‘t look on line to meet anyone if I where you.

And like Sunny said,we are here for you.Stay strong for your self anf your 3 children because they need there dad.

my kids are fine, they are soldiers if nothing else, i do get to see my children though. my wife and i have been seperated for two months now, the courts have a no contact order in place, couldnt speak to her even if i really wanted too.

=) gonna be kinda silly when i do attempt to get into another relationship, will be 30 years old going on my first real date.

Don‘t sweat it....I was thirty before I found the right one. You have to go through some suckers to get to a prize...remember that.

I married the only man I dated and was married nearly 20 years so I understand being a bit nervous about dating.  It took me a full year after my seperation before I even wanted to consider going out with another man.  Prior to that I had murder of just about all men on my mind so I had some issues to work through--ha ha.   Then something just "clicked" and I knew I was ready to talk to men or go out.   I decided to go online to meet men because I did not want my co-workers, family or friends to get involved.  It was my business and my business alone.  My strategy was simple (and sorta dumb):  I would do some practice dates over coffee with some unattractive men just to build my confidence.  Now, doesn‘t that sound horrible but that is what my big plan was.  I did go out with a few men who were very nice but not for me.  I did get fooled because this one man who did not look attractive in his picture on line was very attractive in person.  I was almost disappointed--ha ha.  He and I have been seeing each other now for nearly a year and I like him allot most days.  Other days--not so much--ha ha.

I would say to you to put yourself in situations where you can easily talk to women and where it seems natural.  Grocery store is a good place.  Men always talk to me at the grocery store for some reason.  Maybe I look like someone who knows how to cook or something.  Just talking one on one and over nothing in particular might boost your confidence.  Join a club or go to church or take a class where you think there might be women will open doors for you.

To me, confidence in a man is the most attractive thing.  I love a man who is confident in himself and any situation.  Manners are important too.  Flattery will get you just about anywhere as far as I am concerned.  I love the sweet talk.

Take it slow and do some practicing.  Talk to women at the grocery store.  Flirt with women at the post office.  Build your confidence.  This is supposed to be fun too so don‘t take any rejection personally and keep it all light.  It is all good.

SAM

wow is right.  you got domestic assault charges against you?  did you beat your wife after the other two left?

I tell you what i would have done, I would first have slapped a sleeper hold on the man, drug his ass out of the house and thrown his ass out the door without his clothes, then called the cops.

Then I‘d go back upstairs, tell the other wh0re that was with them to get the hell out of my house.

Once that was done I‘d go back up stairs and ask the wife, "are you going to pack a suitcase or should I do it for you?"

Even as angry and enraged as I would be, I wouldn‘t have touched her.  Dragging him out of the house is another matter, he is in your home and you have the right to throw him out by hand, even if your slut wife invited him in.

All you can do now is just divorce this skank you are married to and concentrate on that right now.  Worry about approaching women later.

I‘ll tell you one thing from experience.  When I divorced, dating another woman was furthest from my mind.  My mindset was, don‘t want another woman, don‘t need another woman.  My thoughts were, that is shiit I don‘t need ever again.  So i wasn‘t looking and a woman out there was actually awaiting my divorce and approached me.  And boy is she leaps and bounds over my X.

Now having said that it doesn‘t mean I‘m not cautious and I won‘t be played for a fool again.  One strike and they are out.

Didn‘t mean to get off on a tangent there, but what I was trying to get at is, don‘t worry about approaching women right now.  Concentrate on yourself.  Do things for yourself.  Get a membership to a local fitness club...get buff.  You have to be confident in yourself before being confident with another woman.

In answer to this question, I can‘t tell you where to find a woman like that.

but I can tell you where NOT to find them.  Stay away from bars and nightclubs.  Sure there is a chance that any woman can cheat, but I‘d bet the percentage of women,and men, that would is higher that frequent these types of establishments.  It certainly has been in my experience.

I won‘t ever hook up with anyone that is a regular at a nightclub.

Phffft...30 years old?  You are just a pup.  I ended up being 39 years old this past year after my divorce was final and now dating again.

I actually like it that I‘m dating at 39.  In my opinion, since i want women my own age, more women at my age are tired of the head games just as I am.  I try to be selective though.

I did have to turn down one woman because she was a known cheater though.  When she found out why I wouldn‘t date her from a friend of hers, she told me to fek off, LOL.  My instincts don‘t fail me!!

wow is right.  you got domestic assault charges against you?  did you beat your wife after the other two left?

didnt beat her per say.... after i finished off the scotch we got into a loud ass arguement, she shoved me into a glass curio cabinet and i slapped her. hence demostic violence charge on me. aint too damn proud of it. first time i‘ve ever been arrested (or struck a lady), i handled the damn situation wrong. shouldve just walked out.

i‘ve known her for 25 years and been with/married to her for 18 of them. excluding my children, the time i spent on her was a complete waste.  this may sound harsh... and i‘m not a person that hates other races.... but walking into that situation... i didn‘t know what to do. this woman that i love, i‘m walked into THIS... i see this black guy (dunno how to say this nicely) f‘ing her, while a white lady was sitting on her face.

how the f‘ing hell couldn‘t i know about this? i know i was working a lot of hours... but why would she cheat on me like this.

swear to christ only thing keeping me going at this point is my children.

everytime i start thinking about it... i just start thinking about ma kids... i love those soldiers... they are awsome...

myspace.com/misterekted

under pics tab to see em... love em to death.

No you shouldnt have slapped her,  but she shouldnt have pushed you either.  In my state they would have arrested you both.   I think you handled it better the most would have.  I would have grabbed a bat or a gun.  wow  that had to have been hard!!

I agree with Trueblue.   work on yourself  before you think about dating.   It has been over a year since my husband cheated  and then we tried to work things out  didnt happen.  but i have just started dating a very nice man  that is nothing like my husband     wow  i mean  night and day!!

she actually assaulted you first.  What you should have done is brush yourself off and called the cops and pressed charges against her.

yes, you shouldn‘t have touched her, but she should have had charges brought up on her just the same.  But you are the man, they aren‘t gonna believe you once you crossed the line and hit back.

Hi and I‘m sorry you have had to deal with all that crap. Either cheating and lying is the new black or people are just talking more about it these days, but it seems like an infestation.

First of, take a little time to be just you ( and the kids). Maybe pick a hobby - take some classes, who knows you might bump into someone interesting.

And don‘t be scared. Be prepared to kiss a few frogs. It‘ll be ok.

Best of luck,

TM

1# Well because no man has started one? Start one yourself!

3# You can‘t. People change, that is the hard part of a long-term relationship, having to deal with the fact that both you and your partner are going to be different people. That expectations you had might not be met and over the years you then start behaving in ways you once thought were never possible.

Take your own story, I can only presume that ONCE you two were in love and only needed each other.

Now 13 years later you were of a 16hour shift and found her in a three-some. Might it be that over those 13 years you gave less sex then she needed? You got older, lost part of your sexdrive and worked far too hard (I wouldn‘t want to have sex after 16hours of work), she got older, got into her sexual peak and had all this time at home to kill.

Two people met, fell in love and then drifted apart. Sad, but that is life. What you both wanted out of life turned out to be something different.

Don‘t let it spoil the rest of your life, in many ways the worsed is over, at our age, we aren‘t going to be changing that much anymore and any new women you find will probably be the same (and that goes for you as well) for far longer.

#2...just relax.  You are who you are.  Be who you are.  There is someone out there looking for someone like you.  :)

You had a really bad day.  Dont let it ruin the rest of your life.  Im of the mindset.....nobody is perfect and the older I get I feel ...forget about the perfect man.  I look to see if our flaws compliment each other!  Ha!

Now 13 years later you were of a 16hour shift and found her in a three-some. Might it be that over those 13 years you gave less sex then she needed? You got older, lost part of your sexdrive and worked far too hard (I wouldn‘t want to have sex after 16hours of work), she got older, got into her sexual peak and had all this time at home to kill.

WHAT A BUNCH OF HORSE SHIT. It‘s called being faithfull, and paying the damn bills. It‘s not like she was going to, working 20 hours a week.

ok I have to say by what you wrote you are out of your mind.

If she was not happy and wanted to try something new and cheat ,she should have said something she can talk or write a letter saying we need to talk and let him know how she was feeling.

this is know way his fault,this is all on her for being a whore.and for doing this to him and his chidren is so very wrong.