WomanSavers.com Forum / MEN'S AREA / Men‘s Double Standards

hmm..maybe

Hi Cowboy.  My brother asked his friends about “bi being the door step to being gay” and they responded:

We should do away with labels.  Gay, Bi, Straight....who cares? 

I am inclined to believe that this shows you are very secure with your sexuality.  I think that some men can‘t handle the thought of gay men simply because they are afraid to consider it.

I can look at a woman and think she is "hot" but I don‘t have a desire to have sex with her in any way.  It just isn‘t my thing, but I‘m not afraid that thinking a woman is beautiful, or considering what makes her so beautiful will "turn me gay."

The ones that are most fearful are the ones that seem to think that being gay is a choice, and they wonder if they might make that choice and it scares them.

My son is very active in supporting gay rights.  He‘s not gay.  He has friends and relatives that are.  Anyway, I read things he writes on message boards and I think, wow, there‘s a kid that is secure in himself and cares about others.

As far as men and their double standards - I think it does boil down to them thinking it‘s hot for 2 women to have sex but they don‘t dare let 2 men together enter their mind.  It scares them.

It is said, but I have never "scientific"evidence of this, that the men who howl the most about gay anything are very insecure in their sexuality and are afraid of something they know nothing about.  And, they don‘t want to learn, either.  As to learning, I am not saying that guys need to go out and play with another guy and think they have learned something.  I am talking about reading about gay life and actually knowing someone who is gay who will answer any questions honestly without putting the make on the guy.  Just because I look at a guy doesn‘t mean I want to bed him.  I just like to look at them.

On the other hand, I don‘t dislike women.  I just don‘t sleep with them.  I think women are beautiful creatures of the Universe and deserve the respect that they are the mother of everyone one.  God doesn‘t make mistakes.  Some are just a little special in some ways. 

There‘s an old joke:

In the news it was reported that two gay men assaulted a woman in downtown Dallas.  It was further reported that one held her down while the other did her hair!  LOL!!!!

The amazing thing is that most men who are homophobic actually know someone who is gay and don‘t know it.  It could be their best football buddy, bowling buddy, his mechanic, fishing buddy, ...  I could go on and on.  Not every gay man speaks with a lisp and walks funny.  And, they don‘t all flip a wrist.  So, men shouldn‘t be so quick to judge those who might be their friend. 

I dont know why, but I think men have their male identity at stake if they go all out and admit they are gay. So some of course claim only to be Bi because for some reason that is seen as being more masculine.

I actually view femininity and masculinity as personality traits. Like Jung I believe that if you are a balanced person you have both sides integrated in your personality and ideally, you would be attracted to both sexes.

I am bi and have been with both women and men. I could never live with a woman though and I am primarily attracted to men. And also some people think that Bi individuals have their libido going all over the place, being totally promisuous. I think this is one of mens fantasies about Bi women, and even lesbians, that they are promiscous and they indiscirminantly will sleep with anyone. Nothing is further from the truth.

Yours,

Yasmina

Well said!  I agree with you 100%.  Jung was inciteful (sp) in human behavior.  His perspectives on the human mind and how it works is so much more logical.  My therapist has me using Rational Emotive Therapy (RET) developed by Albert Ellis.  I have difficulty with it since it doesn‘t cognitively cover a lot of my problems.  Sometimes, it is difficult to realize what an irrational thought is.  So, I have trouble trying to rationalize an irrational thought.  LOL!

Yasmina, are you a trained therapist?  If not, you should be.  You are always so logical.  Very deductive in reasoning.

Ooooh, thank you! What a compliment!!. I´ve had some formal training in psychotherapy as part of my degree in clinical psychology. And I have worked as a counsellor doing cognitive therapy, but there is a long way to go before I get my licence.....

RAT...read about it, but I dont know anyone who uses it here. Have you discussed your concerns about the therapy with the therapist?

hugs,

Yasmina

Gosh, you brought memories flooding back from a guy friend I had in school...haven‘t seen him in 23 years and I miss him.  He was bi, but very flamboyant.  He was very open about his bisexuality and no one at school (that I know of) gave him a hard time about it.  In our forensics class (speech, not the other forensics..haha) he would sit and tell me how I was abnormal because I was too far to one side in sexuality.  He would tell me about his sex life, which didn‘t "bother" me in the least, and then tease me about how I‘m not balanced.  God, I miss him.

Thinking:  Mike - I miss you....where are you?????

Now I shall google.  Maybe I‘ll find him. 

Sorry I haven‘t posted in a while.  Want to say hello to all you wonderful people.  Still in depression and don‘t really feel a lot better.  Dr. has given me Effexor and it is tearing me up.  He said to give it another couple of weeks.  Can‘t stand a lot more.  No sleep, not eating, go to work and do my work, home, to bed, then toss and turn all night.  My brain won‘t shut down.  Too many things flying through it at one time.  Carl, Carl‘s ex, Jack, me ...  All too overwhelming for me.

Now, for Larry Craig:

Whatta queen!  That old auntie needs to come clean and stop pussy footing around his orientation.  No man would have a "sprawl" like that in a men‘s room, and I sure as hell wouldn‘t be picking paper up off the men‘s room floor!  The other signals he used, i.e. tapping foot, running his hand along the underside of the stall wall, are what t-room queens do to get a man next to them.  He can fight all he wants, but he is GAY!!!  He needs to resign, get honest with his wife and family, and get on with his life and find a good man to settle down with instead of playing in men‘s rooms.

okay, yuk.

for me, pandora is the closest.

i heard this line on desperate housewives: "your son came flying out of the closet and your husband keeps looking for the door knob".

i am sorry, but if a man is using the back door, he‘s gay.

 call it whatever is in vogue this decade, but its gay.

 and please, why can‘t everyone just pick a freaking team for god‘s sake. make a choice and stick to it. do humans have to indulge every single craving or whim?

Most men think it is erotic for two women to play together and then participate.  How many of the women on here have had their mate ask them to participate in a 3 way with another woman?  Chances are, there are many.  but, if you had asked him to participate in a 3 way with another man, he would have gone ballistic!  It ain‘t right for two men to play together is probably what he would say.  But, he would think it is OK for two women to play together and him participate after watching the two women for a while.

Daouble standard!  :"

If I wouldn‘t want another man with my mate, I wouldn‘t want another woman. She‘s mine and I‘m hers. That‘s it. And yes, you are right about the ballistic part above. That is indeed a double standard. That means that men not only lack empathy and just can‘t understand that a straight woman isn‘t necessarily secretly gay, but I also think it means that a lot of guys can‘t seperate fantasy from reality. Just because you see a girl **** a guy and then a girl in a porno, doesn‘t mean that your wife or girlfriend automatically will.

I‘m not following the post much because the original post is gone.

But I gather the double standard talked about is guy‘s liking women on women, but wouldn‘t do man on man for their woman.

I am not into seeing two women together.  It doesn‘t do anything for me.  Likewise, I wouldn‘t be into a 3some with me and two other women.

Like someone else said here, I am not into sharing my mate with anyone, whether it be a man or woman.