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freakadistic
  Posted: 10/25/2004 4:34 AM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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  I have never heard of a man denying sex. Its usually the woman who says...no honey, not to night, I have a headache. I always thought a man thought about sex so many times an hour etc. Is there ever a time when a man actually refuses sex? How about refusing it  for days at a time? Does anti depresants have a bad sexual side effect? Help me out guys! Im getting a case of female blue ....something(I dont have balls!)

krismiss
  Posted: 10/25/2004 8:31 AM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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Anti-depressants can absolutely cause a lack of sexual desire.  Your partner can ask his doctor to switch him to a drug that does not have any sexual side effects, like wellbutrin.   Also, if the anti-depressant he is currently taking has not yet kicked in, he may have a lack of desire due to depression.

Men definitely say no to sex, oftentimes due to the same reasons we do, i.e. very stressed, general health problems, exhausted.  A man will continue to try to have sex after a few days, though.

I would venture to say your man is either still depressed or suffering from the side effects of his anti-depressant. Talk to him and ask him what he thinks and how is feeling.



lucky
  Posted: 10/25/2004 12:09 PM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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Absolutely, but check his pulse first

hellhathnofury
  Posted: 10/25/2004 2:22 PM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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My ex would never have sex with me if id initiated it (well only once or twice he would react) he would only be up for it when he felt like it and if i wasnt up for it he would go and sulk somewhere or do evertything he possibly could to get a shag.

but thats the only one who was like that



freakadistic
  Posted: 10/26/2004 3:20 AM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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Ok if I initiate it, he calls me a nympho. But its ok when he wants it? I want to turn him down like he does me, but since I dont get it when I want it, I have to "jump" on the chance.

  I seriously dont think he is cheating, well...we all know his addiction to the porn sites(which has slowed down since my threat to leave him). I was thinking like LMM, perhaps he was too busy with the wankervision. Besides, he is currently taking zoloft and xanex for sleep. I hope that is the side effect.  I dunno, I just miss the action! Its pretty bad when the thrill I get is when my thong rubs the wrong way!



krismiss
  Posted: 10/26/2004 3:50 AM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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freakadistic wrote:

I dunno, I just miss the action! Its pretty bad when the thrill I get is when my thong rubs the wrong way!



That's OK.  I once had a very brief, but glorious, affair with the washing machine. 


freakadistic
  Posted: 10/26/2004 4:49 AM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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krismiss wrote:
freakadistic wrote:

I dunno, I just miss the action! Its pretty bad when the thrill I get is when my thong rubs the wrong way!



Thatís OK.  I once had a very brief, but glorious, affair with the washing machine. 


Ya think I could put my cell pone on vibrate and call myself over and over? LMAO!!...hey wait...not so funny, sounds very very interesting.


stefanee
  Posted: 10/26/2004 5:28 PM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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freakadistic wrote:
  I have never heard of a man denying sex. Its usually the woman who says...no honey, not to night, I have a headache. I always thought a man thought about sex so many times an hour etc. Is there ever a time when a man actually refuses sex? How about refusing it  for days at a time? Does anti depresants have a bad sexual side effect? Help me out guys! Im getting a case of female blue ....something(I dont have balls!)


i dont think he is cheating because he has been going through so much with all his problems, however, i would never rule it out 100%, my boyfriend was cheating on me and i suspected it, however everytime i came near him, he was like not now, i was like what is up with this joker... well he was hitin it somewhere else.... so just be alert, you know what to look for, youre smart...  but from i have been reading from you lately, i honestly dont think he is cheating... just be patient with him, i know its hard but he is making efforts.... and you are giving him chances. 


husbandwasaliar
  Posted: 10/26/2004 11:12 PM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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I would like to think Im rather talented with oral sex, while I was married to my husband I would gladly give him oral sex atleast 2x per week.  I never heard him complain, only compliments flowed from his mouth as freely as sperm flowed into mine.  But there were occasions when he did turn me down in giving him a BJ-what gives?  I have never, even to this day, heard of a man turning down oral sex?  Did I miss a meeting here?  Please advise gentlemen.

freakadistic
  Posted: 10/27/2004 3:39 AM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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husbandwasaliar wrote:
I would like to think Im rather talented with oral sex, while I was married to my husband I would gladly give him oral sex atleast 2x per week.  I never heard him complain, only compliments flowed from his mouth as freely as sperm flowed into mine.  But there were occasions when he did turn me down in giving him a BJ-what gives?  I have never, even to this day, heard of a man turning down oral sex?  Did I miss a meeting here?  Please advise gentlemen.


 Oral sex? I gave this man bj's all the time. In fact, I wouldnt even wait for him to ask, I would just take it. It used to happen at LEAST 4 times a week, but just as the physical sex, he has turned that down too.


freakadistic
  Posted: 10/27/2004 3:51 AM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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steven wrote:

Iíve seen some psych stats tht say 20% of the American population has no sex drive at all.  Unfortunately that is not broken down by age.  When I was on anti-depressants for six months I couldnít get it up.  It was pretty embarrassing because one time a guy tried to give me a blow job and I couldnít... finish.  I almost died from the embarassment, but I did find out I wasnít gay.  Men are just not attractive. 

OK, back on subject, I think you man has got a porn addiction.  I do have some knowledge in this area (donít ask) and I can tell you that with some porn addictions, men will not even be attracted to normal women, the only way he can get off is by some wierd fantasy sex, like screwing the nieghbors wife or daughter or dog or snake or whatever.  Its just not exicting to make love to the wife or girlfriend when you can fantasize about tieing women up or rape a wife in front of her husband.  Thatís it.  Thatís all there is too it.  Women donít get it because so few of them are afflicted by this disease and this wierd sex fantasy is totally outside their understanding. 

Freakadistic hereís what you should do to fix your problem.  

1.  Go through the house, open up all of the drawers and closets and put all of your belongings into boxes,

2.  Take out a pen and some paper and write the following: "Iím tired of waiting on you to get your act together and stop looking at porn.  Iím tired of waiting for you to realize how much you hurt me when jerk off in front of the computer.  Iíve realized that you are never going to change.  Have a nice relantionship with the computer.  P.S. Be sure not to get your dick stuck in the floppy disk drive, even if it is pretty small."

3.  Put the not on the computer screen so he will see it.

4.  Put your boxes in your car and drive away.

5.  Donít look back. 

Dear Steven,

  I was way ahead of you. I left him a letter stating that Icould no longer compete with his computer fantasies. I told him that I hope he and his computer have a happy life together. etc. It was a pretty damn good letter! I was proud of it.(copy and paste didnt work very well for me here)

  Unfortunately, due to some legal matters, I cant leave just yet. I just moved to the next bedroom. when I got back from work that evening he had moved it all back into our room and we talked. He has improved a bit, but like I said before, its only a matter a time before he falls back into his same routine. Who knows. thanks for the advice babe!

| |
 



krismiss
  Posted: 10/27/2004 5:12 AM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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Just to clarify something, Steven...

Women DO have weird sexual fantasies.  We are much less inclined to act them out and, if we do, it will be with our partners. 

Freadkadistic, have you tried putting the computer in his bed?  Or perhaps you could leave little post-it notes around the house from the computer to him:

"Dear______, Not tonight.  I have a headache. Love, The Computer"

"Dear_______, Despite common belief, it takes more than pushing one button to turn me on. The Computer"

"Dear _______, Bad news! The hard drive died. I'm pregnant. The Computer"

You get the picture.  Just a thought....

 



freakadistic
  Posted: 10/27/2004 6:28 AM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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krismiss wrote:

Just to clarify something, Steven...

Women DO have weird sexual fantasies.  We are much less inclined to act them out and, if we do, it will be with our partners. 

Freadkadistic, have you tried putting the computer in his bed?  Or perhaps you could leave little post-it notes around the house from the computer to him:

"Dear______, Not tonight.  I have a headache. Love, The Computer"

"Dear_______, Despite common belief, it takes more than pushing one button to turn me on. The Computer"

"Dear _______, Bad news! The hard drive died. Iím pregnant. The Computer"

You get the picture.  Just a thought....



LMMFAO! No I never thought of that! Hmmm...Still laughing...good idea...thanks!


freakadistic
  Posted: 10/27/2004 11:40 AM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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krismiss wrote:

Women DO have weird sexual fantasies.  We are much less inclined to act them out and, if we do, it will be with our partners. 

 



Oh I agree, women do have weird sexual fantasies.  Iím not a woman and I donít claim to know everything about them and their fantasies, but from what you described it seems that these fantasies just arenít as destructive as menís.  The fantasies and behaviors that I was describing exclude the partner, not bring them together.  Most people have sexual fantasies and to me it only goes wrong when it stops being in moderation and becomes excessive.  But believe me, I understand what youíre saying and I appreciate your thoughts.

PS, those suggestions are hilarious, much better than mine!



freakadistic
  Posted: 10/29/2004 12:59 PM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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Argueably...no. The drive and urge are powerful...unless The male is self aware as to the concept of sex for a woman as an emotional need, or release, for lack of a better word, and that for me, seemed to equate to a "time release capsule" : I knew it would happen, I need only be patient, she would approach me with that need. Especially if the "initiator" is the woman, Its pretty much a 24-7 feeling, I had difficulty in initiating(have-ugh!) based on that, from my perspective I am consisantly horn...er, um, ready and willing to pleasure at a moments notice, My trouble is I cant always recognize when I should or not initiate activity, how do I ask without seeming like a sap?

 

Edited11/24/04===================

Rereading that, it seems somewhat onesided.I do have a libido, but dont project it at all. Still too scared to...I may think about it frequently, but mood and having a partner are the real deciding factors. Fatigue, as well, played a role in when and how much. I dated a woman who could initiate several times a day, they were short, high energy bursts. That often did not include the ímegalopolisí of lovemaking that would ensue the same evening. It was exhausting. At the time I became somewhat burned out on sex, yet performed to satisfy the demands of what she wanted.

So, in retrospect, yes, I felt like saying no, because it could go on and on...It lost that specialness to it. It seemed more like exercise. A chore I had to do. But that 3-5 seconds of  flowing love liquid is its own boss. Its better than any drug ever could be. Now, having not had my metabolism change to much, and not being with anyone for a long while, I feel a craving that Tantra cannot provide. And the willingness to íreplentishí the reservoir continues to grow in strength. Now a cockring changes all the rules...Ahem...what was the question?

In high school I went out with a girl who shyly told me that when I couldnt be with her, she masturbated while thinking of me. I was ecstatic! No greater flattery could have ever been bestowed upon me. Of course it had the immediate effect of turning me on...

At Utah state in Logan I dated one of two LDS women who thought that oral on herself was dirty, but oral from me to her was okay, giving me head was okay, but any penetration was forbidden...It was the religion, tied to some sexual repression, and self respect-her virginity was for a husband, most everything else was on the menu, so to speak. it was frustrating to try to figure her out at the time, I was 21, she was 23. Youngsters...

 



krismiss
  Posted: 10/29/2004 1:06 PM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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While sex for a woman can certainly be about creating emotional intimacy, make no mistake that we also like sex for sex.  Women get horny....VERY horny. 

You can initiate sex by giving subtle hints, romantic gestures, seduction, and begging.  With the right guy, I respond to all of the above. 



Colleen
  Posted: 11/1/2004 9:58 AM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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freakadistic wrote:
  I have never heard of a man denying sex. Its usually the woman who says...no honey, not to night, I have a headache. I always thought a man thought about sex so many times an hour etc. Is there ever a time when a man actually refuses sex? How about refusing it  for days at a time? Does anti depresants have a bad sexual side effect? Help me out guys! Im getting a case of female blue ....something(I dont have balls!)


Refusing sex...that's my workaholic ex-husband. I counted the days of no nookie once in my sex-deprived marriage....23 days was the longest dry spell. When it did happen, it was nothing to set fireworks off about anyways....but that's another thread....



Colleen
  Posted: 11/1/2004 10:46 AM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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hellhathnofury wrote:

My ex would never have sex with me if id initiated it (well only once or twice he would react) he would only be up for it when he felt like it and if i wasnt up for it he would go and sulk somewhere or do evertything he possibly could to get a shag.

but thats the only one who was like that



That brings up an interesting point...some men really get turned off by sexually aggressive women. They want to be the ones in control of the sexual activity, which seems really unfair to me, since it's about satisfying both partner's needs. I think that the partner having sexual issues should take the responsibility of having these issues resolved. The partner being denied sex should be supportive and voice their concerns in a way that won't lead to hurt feelings, but it's ulimately up to the person with the lowered sex drive to do something about it. Sexual satisfaction is an important element of a healthy relationship, and both partners need to put the effort in to ensure the other's needs are met. If communication in the relationship is equal, then either should be able to initiate or ask for sex without being made to feel as though they are doing something wrong. It shouldn't be a power struggle, and I'm sorry, but calling someone a "nympho" because they have sexual needs that aren't being met seems wrong to me. With my ex-husband, his need to control, and thereby withhold, the sex in the relationship extended to many other facets of our marriage. I've had sex in relationships when I wasn't totally into it, because I was selflessly thinking of the other person. I know men have the inability to get an erection unless they are turned on or on viagra, but that doesn't mean they can't use their tongue.


Colleen
  Posted: 11/1/2004 5:05 PM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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krismiss wrote:

While sex for a woman can certainly be about creating emotional intimacy, make no mistake that we also like sex for sex.  Women get horny....VERY horny. 

You can initiate sex by giving subtle hints, romantic gestures, seduction, and begging.  With the right guy, I respond to all of the above. 



Begging is acceptable? It dosent say that in my romance instruction manual, ya'know, the one made of napkins wriiten in crayon


krismiss
  Posted: 11/1/2004 8:10 PM Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
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Well, when you have a libido that moves like a freight train, you'll even accept begging.  Hell, it's probably me that does the begging. This, of course, is contingent on the guy.

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