| AUTHOR |
MESSAGE
|
| bobinexile |
 |
|
Posted: 3/31/2007 7:32 PM |
 |
Subject: Still hurting! Is this why she left? Opinions appreciated. |
|
|
|
New WomanSaver
Male Member
Age: 48
Total Posts: 5
McDonough
Georgia
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
 Send Note
|
--4/21/2010 UPDATE --
I became suicidal in 2007 and got involved in a Christ centered 12- step program -"Celebrate Recovery" (CR). No longer suicidal. I have been One-day-at-a-time now for over 3 years!!
Many MOSTLY GOOD things have happened! Will not preach but I must say my GOD has been good to me. I have more friendships now with men and women.
My depression is under control and I am moving SLOWLY developing an intimate relationship. I have NO desire to repeat the pain of the past.
There is HOPE. Suicidal people DO NOT WANT PITY - I just wanted the pain to stop. My main purpose in updating and "bumping" this post is to let someone who may be hurting know that there is HOPE! CR will provide a safe place to heal from life‘s hurts, habits and hangups.
Bob -- 4-19-2010
Below is from 3-31-2007:
I am a 48yo male. Divorced after 10 years in 1988 and came out of a 12 year reltionship in late 2005. March of 2006 I met a 45yo recently divorced woman.
Having mutual friends we felt confortable with each other chatted frquently and hit it off well. We became engaged and I put a ring on her finger in June. She left me in August stating she could not give me "what I needed". We got back together in late August & by late October she left me again for good.
No drugs or booze and we never fought or even raised our voices. When we got back together in August I made the commitment to her that I would follow her lead regarding sex with the understanding that we would not have intercourse again (my idea) until after marriage.
We returned to cuddling, holding, etc. I got scented candles and started massaging her. She knew she was beautiful to me, special and not taken for granted. We saw each other several times thru the week and slept together on weekends.
We were teaching each other more of our likes and dislikes.
The first weekend in October we were holding and cuddling and she asked me to "Do her". I stood up and asked her not to do that to me, she knew how bad I wanted her and how good it could be and at the same time I wanted to honor my promise to her. SHe proceeded to help me with release.
We spent the entire rest of the day together.
The next weekend the cuddling and holding started to get heated and she jumped out of bed angry. We did spend the rest of the day together and she would not talk about what happened in the morning. THe next Friday she gave my ring back to me saying she could not be in a relationship "right now"and that "singled mindedness was a good thing but...". I mentioned to her that I had kept my promise and she told me that If we had sex that morning that we "would not be talking right now". (That could have 2 different meanings.)
My question: DId she leave me in part because I kept my promise regarding intercourse with her?
Her history: Total of 5 marriages at 45 years of age and 4 failed relationships including mine. I just bond for LONG periods of time and am having problems understanding what went on.
Any input from the ladies would be appreciated.
Added 4/2/07 after 6 replies:
Thanks Ladies (and Man) for your input. Its just that it hurts so d*mn bad. Months have gone by and I am still depressed and suicidal. NOTE: I am on medication and am getting professional help as a result of this. I guess I just can‘t get how some ladies want the "bad guys". She had told me a story about one of her relationships and I responded that I understood why she divorced him. Then she told me that all of the stuff in the story occured BEFORE she married him. I just don‘t get it.
Thank you again for your support and input.
style="text-align: left;">
|
| TiredOfWomen |
|
|
Posted: 4/1/2007 6:06 AM |
|
Subject: Is this why she left? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Male Member
Age: 53
.gif)
Total Posts: 1741
Dunedin
Florida
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Well...I‘m not a lady but I do have an impression.
Have you ever heard the term "psycho bitch from hell?"
The reality is she doesn‘t appear to me to be all that stable in terms of what she wants. Five marriages is a good indicator that there are some problems there. You‘re not at fault here.
My advice to you is to be a man and stand up for yourself from now on. A relationship only works if BOTH people have a say in things. The fact that she didn‘t want to have sex until after marriage may or may not have been something you agreed with. If you didn‘t, you shouldn‘t have complied. She doesn‘t have the right to determine how things will be conducted in your relationship any more than you do. And if you don‘t see eye to eye on things you need to be prepared to walk away and find someone else.
It sounds to me like she just wanted a puppy dog..and that‘s more or less what she got.
|
| BustySpumonte |
|
|
Posted: 4/1/2007 8:00 AM |
|
Subject: Is this why she left? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 39
Total Posts: 4040
Trapped In
Burkina Faso
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
In my opinion you need stop wondering what happened with this woman and start looking for someone who is crazy about you.
Who knows what this womans problem was. Just be glad you were not the next husband she divorced. You were lucky I think.
|
| CaliforniaGirl |
|
|
Posted: 4/1/2007 8:18 AM |
|
Subject: Is this why she left? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 3
Total Posts: 1771
Women and Cats
California
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Five marriages says a lot. Sounds to me that if things do not go her way, she‘s outta there. You may not feel like it right now, but you are lucky she is out of your life.
|
| Rhiannon |
|
|
Posted: 4/1/2007 10:31 AM |
|
Subject: Is this why she left? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 0
Total Posts: 3499
Lacey
Washington
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Bobinexile: You sound like an extraordinarily kind and sensitive man. You not only accepted her history of failed relationships - you accepted her for who she was - and even her terms for a relationship, which shows supreme unselfishness on your part. I didn‘t think men like you existed, and to be really honest, I don‘t think you‘ll be alone for long.
I agree with the others that you have to look at her history to find the answers. You know that it isn‘t you. You did everything possible to make it work and it didn‘t work. The fact that you have a history of long term relationships is an indication that you can commit yourself to someone - where obviously, she cannot.
It is very disappointing, but break ups happen for a reason. You are not right for each other. It doesn‘t mean that anything is wrong with you. Better to know now before you have invested too much. She has left you for a reason.
I do, think, however, this would be one time when a woman should be the one to say, "It‘s not you, it‘s ME!" She should be the one to say, "I am fucked up" instead of using some crappy line about how she can‘t give you what you need.
Give it time. Another woman will come along.
|
| uberbeotch |
|
|
Posted: 4/1/2007 11:29 AM |
|
Subject: Is this why she left? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 489
Total Posts: 1269
In a Dark Castle
Belarus
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Hi Bob
Sorry this happened to you. I have to agree with the others, 5 failed marriages does say a lot. Sounds like she is not one for stable, long term relationships, and you are.
You sound like a very understanding, kind & sensitive man. Hell, if you were in Belarus, I‘d go out with ya!
Best wishes. You will heal, and the powers that be will send the right woman your way.
UB
|
| Thom |
|
|
Posted: 4/2/2007 12:50 PM |
|
Subject: Is this why she left? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Male Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 1033
Toronto
Canada
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Bob,
I am so sorry that you wasted this much of your life and passion on a woman whom clearly has her own internal untamed demons.
Free advice put this woman in your past, she is not worth the time or trouble. Allow her to make some other man insane. Find a woman whom will appreciate you for whom and what you are.
P.S.
You might want to reconsider making promises like that, and allow relationships to develop naturally.....
|
| Keka |
|
|
Posted: 4/3/2007 11:16 PM |
|
Subject: Is this why she left? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 45
Total Posts: 412
Las Vegas
Nevada
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
| bobinexile wrote: |
style="text-align: left;">
|
Well, it sounds as if you are better off without her, but not better off. I‘m sorry for what you are going through and wish I could say something to ease your pain.
This woman has issues, I think we all can agree on that. You were kind enough to acquiesce, but it obviously made no difference, only prolonging the inevitable. If I had to guess, I would say she has deep trust issues due to her childhood and she has not worked through them, only trying to push them aside. Of course I am no doctor, just someone responding to your post.
But, there is or was nothing you could have done to help her, she has not even helped herself.
But you can help yourself. One step at a time. One day at at time. One moment at a time.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and hope to see a positive post from you very soon.
|
| ForOtherWomen |
|
|
Posted: 4/5/2007 3:21 PM |
|
Subject: Is this why she left? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 43
.gif)
Total Posts: 250
Cocoa
Florida
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
I‘d have to agree with the others here also. You bent over backwards, and she made the choice that it wasn‘t enough. Don‘t let the smoke screens she threw at you make you down, you didn‘t do anything wrong. That‘s just her way of dealing with her own guilt. We‘ve all seen it. I‘m so sorry you had to go through this, hopefully you will be rewarded soon for being a gentleman. =)
|
| crazylegs |
|
|
Posted: 4/7/2007 9:26 PM |
|
Subject: Is this why she left? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 43
Total Posts: 28
macon
Georgia
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
I AM NOT GOING TO JUDGE HER 5 MARRIAGES. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TWICE AND BOTH SPOUSES CHEATED. I DECIDED TO TAKE TIME FOR ME. I HAVE BEEN CELIBATE FOR A WHILE NOW AND I HAVE NO STRESS TO WORRY ABOUT. BUT SOUNDS LIKE HER PROBLEM IS THERE MAY BE SOMEONE ELSE AND SHE CAN‘T MAKE UP HER MIND. DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND TAKE EACH DAY SLOWLY. YOU WILL THINK ABOUT HER AND IT‘S GONNA HURT FOR A WHILE BUT IT DOES GET BETTER. I HAVE BEEN THERE. LET HER BE SOMEONE ELSE‘S PROBLEM
|
| Africanguy |
|
|
Posted: 4/20/2010 5:02 PM |
|
Subject: Is this why she left? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver Addict
Male Member
Age: 25
Total Posts: 189
Juanito
Brazil
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
I think the TC is looking for some simpathy here.
I don‘t understand why a man in his age would want to wait for sex till marriage with with woman that have been married 5 times already.
What are you waiting for, her dad approval ?
My question: DId she leave me in part because I kept my promise regarding intercourse with her?
I think she left you because there is a good chance she is thinking you are gay, or that there might be something wrong with you in that area. Most guys would just do her right then.
But I agree with the others here when they say it‘s a good thing she left.
I just think you should not keep this attitude in the next woman.
|
| bubblecropper |
|
|
Posted: 4/20/2010 5:10 PM |
|
Subject: Is this why she left? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 32
Total Posts: 1642
dublin
Ireland
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Bob I‘m really glad to see that things have improved for you. You have done lots of good things for yourself, you have given yourself time to heal, time to learn, time to move on. You deserve good things...and yes, there is ALWAYS hope!
|
| bubblecropper |
|
|
Posted: 4/20/2010 5:12 PM |
|
Subject: Is this why she left? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 32
Total Posts: 1642
dublin
Ireland
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
| Africanguy wrote: |
I think the TC is looking for some simpathy here.
I don‘t understand why a man in his age would want to wait for sex till marriage with with woman that have been married 5 times already.
What are you waiting for, her dad approval ?
My question: DId she leave me in part because I kept my promise regarding intercourse with her?
I think she left you because there is a good chance she is thinking you are gay, or that there might be something wrong with you in that area. Most guys would just do her right then.
But I agree with the others here when they say it‘s a good thing she left.
I just think you should not keep this attitude in the next woman.
|
You need to read the update, the other stuff was from 2007.
|
| Africanguy |
|
|
Posted: 4/20/2010 5:16 PM |
|
Subject: Is this why she left? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver Addict
Male Member
Age: 25
Total Posts: 189
Juanito
Brazil
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Hm ? Why not in a different post ?
Then he is 51 now, hm ?
Found love again ?
|
| bubblecropper |
|
|
Posted: 4/20/2010 5:18 PM |
|
Subject: Is this why she left? |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 32
Total Posts: 1642
dublin
Ireland
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
| Africanguy wrote: |
Hm ? Why not in a different post ?
Then he is 51 now, hm ?
Found love again ?
|
Hm ? Why not in a different post ?Free will maybe?
|