WomanSavers.com Forum / INSPIRATION FOR WOMEN / help seriously

well im only 20 yrs old turning 21 in february. and im a mother too a almost 1 yr old in july and im having a baby girl in august. so theres a start.

well in september 2005 i met an amazing guy named david. and we fell in love. His friends gf hated me and all his friend wanted to do was get in my pants. annoying but at least we got along this other girl hated me. anyway me and david hung out all the time he was there when nobody else was he listened to me, he loved me, he made me feel like a queen. I trusted him with everything i had and everything  i was. We were fin, normal fights he didnt know how to express himself. that cause alot of it.

Well in March 2007 rob davids best friend left for the army. Leaving the girl that hated me behind. David in May started hanging out wiyh her more. I was finishing school and plus i trusted him so what ever. Well needless to say suddenly one day he just stopped hanging out with jen and we were together again but this time it changed. he never said i love you any more thats when the hitting started. Not alot but enough when i got him mad. I usually got slapped even knocked down.

Well then i found out i was pregnant with our son. it was like he hated me. He still was unhappy but we bought a house together. and then every wed, he started to go to church and sunday and always come home wierd. Like a distant i want my life to channge thing. But we went to see the ultrasound and he promised wed be a family and he cried with me. Even though afterward he was mentally very mentally not there for me when i was pregnant and mood swings he would get pissed at me telling me i wouldnt be a good mother if i was freaking out. I was feeling alone depressed and i thought it was all me. And i kept blaming myself for rob not being around david. It was horrible. Then in July i had my little boy. Which i think god knew how much pain i was in. he gave me an angel and a very short labor an hr and a half. all natural no complications.

After that i immediatley starting cleaning our house and letting david go out while me and our son hung out. I would even put on a happy face no matter what. Then 3 months later our fightig stopped he asked me to marry him. he just seemed geninually happy. But my brain kept putting me back to what jenn said to me David put his hands down my pants 3 times, And so i asked for his myspace password. And this is what hurts so bad

This was 8 months ago. I found out that while rob was gone. Jenn was emotional and well they held hand kissed and then as in jenns own words she wanted me out of davids life so she sucked him off. Know understand this hurts so bad cuz ive only had sex with david and its very sacred to me. Maybe im old fashioned. Well anyway after she did that well he left stop texting her. he knew it was wrong and i think he started hitting me cuz he was upset with himself.

Then i found out while i was in my last term of pregnancy a girl from church he liked he talked to alot and got real close. She said shed been waiting for 5 years for that. Well he asked he out and told her he loved her. And he was leaving me cuz we‘d never work out, Well she relized he wasnt going to leave me so she said no and left it at that.

After i found out he told me everything that happened. And he was glad it was all out in the open so know we can look to the future which is hard for me. Heres a man i fell in love with was betraying me so much. I trusted him with my whole world. I wanna belive he will never hurt me again. nut i just dont know.

But he is trying to change he hasnt hit me at all when i get angry and even when i throw his mistakes in his face. He says he dosent even think about hitting me. He tries to understand my pregnancy mood swings. He also says i love you something i missed so much. and the seex feels more meaningful. He also sees past my mistakes now. And when he looks at me and our son together he almost looks as though hes gonna cry. he says how could i ever leave this.

But all i see is this man i dont know thats gonna hurt me. I get jealous alot now. All i think about is he wasnt there emotionally for me when i was pregnant with zeke sure he is know for this one but what about then . or he was just gonna leave me and zeke. But hes genuially changing. But my mind does love him. I want to trust him. I just keep thinking the first time our relationship was sorta bad he just needed space and second time well he just didnt want to grow up with zeke he was 22. Can anyone help me. I do love him and im trying but its so hard to trust. Ive been with him since i was 16 and he has opened himself up so much to me now. He has even learned to talk to me. And everytime i ask him if ill make a big mistake if i marry him he say no. I ll never do it again i know whats  important know. can anyone just give me advice or hope.

I don‘t know why no one has answered this.  I rarely check this section so I apologize.

First off.............

I personally think you two should go to counseling.  Do not get married yet.  You both are very young. 

I am very concerned about him hitting you.  Did he ever hit you before that?? 

I am not sure he has sewn his oats.  I know you don‘t want to hear that but he obviously isn‘t very stong willed when it comes to women throwing themselves at him.  And I‘m not saying they were the ones who initiated things.  It takes two.

Just because you have babies with this man doesn‘t mean you have to stay with him.  I do see that you love him, so why not invest in your future and make it better?  Try counseling if you can get him to go. 

Are you really just 21? You have your whole life ahead of you. You are not paved into a corner.

Busty is right about it taking two but no matter what you did, or how bad he feels IT IS NEVER OK TO HIT.

If you want to salvage this relationship at all, you need to do counseling together. A third party can help you identify what your problems are and where they are stemming from. If he‘s isn‘t willing to do this to save it, and for his kids. then it‘s time for you to get on with your life without him. You do not want your children being raised in a hostile household. I was, and thought it was normal until people explained it was not. It can continue a very ugly cycle in the future.

Getting married right now won‘t repair your problem...Just make it fun for a while. That will wear off. What are you hoping for your future together?

OK, so everything is better now?

OY!

Your choice, girlie. If it were me, I‘d run.

If you were my daughter, I‘d tell you to get out of the relationship.

But don‘t let a forum full of older, more experienced women who have been thru this sh!t before tell you what to do. What do we know?

Good luck.

UB

p.s. at the very least, get on some birth control. Don‘t breed with this man any more!