WomanSavers.com Forum / INSPIRATION FOR WOMEN / I got last laugh after my BF made fun of my judo skills

(I posted this originally to Dr. Sarah for advice, but it occurs to me that--while it‘s become a problem in my relationship--it may also be a source of inspiration for any woman who‘s been made to feel physically inferior, or has been abused or intimidated by a man. I hope you don‘t mind the double posting. Thank you):

. A few weeks ago I finished taking beginner level judo classes and earned my yellow belt. I really enjoyed the classes and found i was pretty good at it, even though I‘m not really muscular (I‘m tall, 5‘9", but slender, and weigh about 125lbs)...plus i‘m a pretty girly-looking girl..i wear my hair long and like dresses, etc., and I am considered a "looker."

Anyway, b/c of all this,my BF didn‘t take my classes very seriously and when I told him i got my yellow belt he just laughed a lot and said stuff like "that‘s so cute" and other condescending stuff. Now I probably should have just ignored him but he made me really mad and so w/out really thinking about it I challenged him to a wrestling match.

We‘re the same height but he has at least 40lbs on me, and he didn‘t want to do it at first but I said ‘are you afraid of losing to a girl?‘ and he was like, "OK, let me teach you a lesson‘. So we moved some firniture out of the way and we got going and he didn‘t try very hard at first, b/c he just didn‘t think he‘d have to! But then i caught him w/a leg sweep and he went down on the floor, and I could see his face get all red and when he got back up he started trying really hard to beat me.

Well, long story short, I kept using throws and leg sweeps to send him to the floor, and waited til he got really tired, and then when i could tell his strength was running out,and he was having trouble catching his breath, I used some ground techniques to keep him down on the floor and after a fairly long struggle, I pinned him!

So i had a little at his expense and said "I hope you learned YOUR lesson", and kind of figured i‘d made my point and that would be the end of it....but he couldn‘t let it go, and kept after me for a rematch, saying "I got lucky", etc...so last week I finally said "OK" to one more match b/c he wouldn‘t stop asking, and, yes, I beat him again.

Now he‘s TOTALLY bent out of shape and keeps trying for another match to prove he can beat me and I need help b/c I‘m sick of his attitude! Was I wrong to defeat him? Should I just fake it and let him win? Have any other girls out there defeated a guy at something physical and gone thru this?? I keep telling i beat him b/c I know judo and he doesn‘t but he‘s still pissed and thinks he can beat me just b/c i‘m a "pretty girl". (Also, when I suggested we take classes together so he could compete w/me better, he said "I don‘t need to know judo to beat a girl!" )I know, it sounds like he‘s a total ass, but he was NEVER like this until I beat him at wrestling! What should I do???

If he doesn‘t change his attitude real soon, that‘s what I plan to do. I had no idea mens egos are so sensitive when it comes to losing to a woman. He continues to ask for a rematch, insisting I "just got lucky."

You might have a yellow belt in Judo, but you‘ve still got your white belt in the fine art of ego stroking! 

If you‘d like to keep him as a boyfriend, lay off with the matches, and explain to him that Judo uses your opponent‘s strength against him.  That might make him feel better.

Besides, your Sensei would not be pleased.

I know...that‘s the part that‘s really keeping me from enjoying his humiliation--it‘s not right of me to use martial arts skills when he doesn‘t have them--and you;re right--i‘m just using his greater strength against him & he doesnt even realize it.

I just wish you could have heard the way he laughed about "girls" knowing judo and how smug he sounded when he said there was no way i could POSSIBLY beat him in a wrestling match.

It just made me want to teach him a lesson!

meandnotyou wrote:

jenster wrote: meandnotyou wrote: You might have a yellow belt in Judo, but you‘ve still got your white belt in the fine art of ego stroking!  If you‘d like to keep him as a boyfriend, lay off with the matches, and explain to him that Judo uses your opponent‘s strength against him.  That might make him feel better. Besides, your Sensei would not be pleased. I know...that‘s the part that‘s really keeping me from enjoying his humiliation--it‘s not right of me to use martial arts skills when he doesn‘t have them--and you;re right--i‘m just using his greater strength against him & he doesnt even realize it. I just wish you could have heard the way he laughed about "girls" knowing judo and how smug he sounded when he said there was no way i could POSSIBLY beat him in a wrestling match. It just made me want to teach him a lesson!    Bad Girlie!

Bad indeed.

Maybe my New Year‘s resolution should be to ignore sexist remarks from my BF instead of throwing and pinning him to the floor!