WomanSavers.com Forum / INSPIRATION FOR WOMEN / I forgive my Husband‘s affair

hey Girls,

It is what it is. I love my Husband even after his affair. Anyone out there that can identify w/ Me?

Forgiven but not forgotten.

And yes I love the big lug!

A cheating man loves nothing more than to have 2 women fighting over him.

Try ignoring him and see if he comes to you.

damn, I have the wrong mindset...I should become a cheater!

It does hurt so much, esp when they say "they can‘t make up their mind"......screw him!  How could anyone do that to their partner/wife..........that‘s just abuse........its also abuse when they screw around on you..........I‘m so sorry for the game that he‘s playing with your head and for his stupidity.......Just makes you want to crawl in a cave and not come out!

YEah that‘s the hard part, when you really love your partner........and that‘s also  what makes us also get S----t on all the time........b/c they know they have us right where they want us.  I‘ve never loved anyone like I do him and he tells me the same......but how can you forgive them, esp when they‘ve done it twice?  His were not long term things, they were quicky skanky stupid flings........which really doesn‘t make a difference, its all sick.

We had made future plans and now I‘m stuck in limbo and wouldn‘t consider any of those plans.......it terrififes me now. 

I‘ve considered going for couple therapy, but when someone is a cheater........what are the chances of them changing their behaviours?  I just don‘t want to go through all that and then have him do it again.  I‘ve already been devasted twice and I can‘t stand it.  The other thing is that it makes you into a crazy person.........I do things I never thought I‘d do........constantly checking his pockets, his cell phone numbers, accounts, etc etc........its awful, I hate what I‘ve become!  Plus it makes it like a co-dependent relationship........where you always have to be together or know where they are and have proof of it.  I‘m falling apart!  HELP! 

They always say, we can forgive, just never forget....the problem is that because we can never forget, it seems that we have to continually forgive.  I do not like what I have become either...always checking up on my husband, pockets, wallet, email, cell phone, cell phone bill, accounts, everything...I saw a debit card transaction for Wal-Mart when he was traveling and had to find out what he bought...I partly afraid it was a calling card...I was wrong, but still, all the little things that never seemed to matter, we never paid much attention too, are all now huge deals.  We have to know everything and be reassured all the time.  I feel so insecure and I told my husband that.  My husband has not given me any reason to not trust him now, but I am still just so anxious about it all.  I do have good days and bad.

It really sucks, but not much that can be done.  They say it gets better with time...we‘ll just have to wait and see.

Loving them is not the problem, never has been as we have always loved them, we would never have married them if we didn‘t, we would never have had their kids and done everything for them, put up with their crap when they are scr-wing someone else.

but hey don‘t know about everyone else, but i have started thinking ‘i chose to not throw him out, now i have to try to get on with it all‘. yes i have felt at times that i forgive him, but then it all comes flooding back and i think no i haven‘t, i have always thought if you forgive someone then the memories will go too and i would forget, but this is not the case is it? i do think i have forgiven him, i just can‘t forget and more than anything i have not forgiven that whor-, and i don‘t know if i ever will or can. that Bit-h went out of her way to destroy someones marriage and she didn‘t care who‘s. How do i know this? because i read her profile on the dating sites where they first met, and she advertised herself as wanting sex with a married man, so to my way of thinking she deserves nothing.

hey that felt good i just said all that and didn‘t get angry.

yes we do go checking on everything, i even took readings on his speedo to check that he was only going to work, i even sat in the car for hours near where he worked to make sure he didn‘t leave work. Because he was leaving work to go and f--k her. No i never caught him going anywhere, (so i must think he isn‘t) sometimes i still drive past work to make sure he is where he is supposed to be.

i really don‘t know if i will ever be able to trust him again. but i do know that i am not obsessing over catching him out like i was (which was every minute of every day) now it is only some of the time, and i only need to have the slightest little doubt and away i go again. But at least it is not constantly. so i guess things do get better at times.

plus i am going to be so much more positive about my life and myself from now on, how can one heal the pain in our marriages until we heal the pain in ourselves first.

put ourselves first and foremost and bugger everything else it can wait. for the first time in our lives make ourselves no 1 to ourselves. we are wonderful beautiful loving courageous caring forgiving beings of God. we need to love ourselves like God loves us. WE ARE PERFECT.

In 1995 I forgave my husband‘s affair.  I was devastated but I forgave him and kept our family together.  Anybody can make one mistake.

In 2002 he cheated again and I started to prepared to divorce him.  Nobody should make the same mistake twice.

2005 and 2006 were really miserable years.  I could barely stand to be in the house with him.  But little by little I was able to separate our finances and tell all the children.

Finally in 2007 I got him out of the house.

It is so sad that it was necessary.

Now he is cheating on his girlfirend. 

Cheating is all about the cheater‘s lack of character.  It really says nothing about the faithful spouse.

I‘m new here, but I hope you don‘t mind me jumping in to post.

I would NOT forgive cheating because it means they have betrayed your trust. And from what I read  there are more than a few here who seem to struggle with this.

Don‘t cheat yourselves people. Even if you do think you can forgive, I can tell you that in the back of your mind you will have doubts about their behavior and not be able to trust them completely. Think about it.


My choice would be to dump them!

If it‘s established in the beginning that you want a committed,managamous relationship and they violate this then why struggle with it?

In my book a cheat will always be a cheat! They say some can change, but deep down will you be able to always believe them? Will you build up trust completely?