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    WomanSavers.com Forum / WOMEN'S ONLY FORUM / Why does he flirt so much?

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sufferinginsilence
  Posted: 12/20/2005 11:41 AM Subject: Why does he flirt so much?
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I have a question for you....... my boyfriend is very attentive to me- never has unexplained expenditures, always home after work and with me on weekends (we live together).  Tells me he loves me, helps out around the house, supports me, cares foir me, etc.  A great upstanding guy, right?  Well, then why does he flirt so incistently and constantly with EVERY woman he works with?  I happen to have access to his work email and lookin gthrough it I would swear all he does at work is email back and forth with this woman and that woman in incredibly flirtatious and sometimes explicit manners.  They all know he has a gf, and that we live together, most have met me.  He is not afraid to take calls from me at work and say openly I love you, or to have me come and visit him at work.  But why these emails?  I have told him before, without revealing that I checked the email, that I find his behavior towards women he works with very unsettling, he says it is just harmless flriting and I shouldn‘t be worried, he is committed to me and only me.  I can post some examples of the emails here if you don‘t get the full extent of what I am saying......... thank you!!!  Everyone who posts advice and support on this site is exceptional and I value all of your opinions!!!

chelsea buns
  Posted: 12/20/2005 12:28 PM Subject: Why does he flirt so much?
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Hi,

Well if he has been a great boyfriend and caring supportive partner, and he has no tell tale signs of cheating, he could just be doing this to girate his ego.

Sometimes people like the attention of being the unobtainable person, The "you can look, but don‘t touch attitude" - it may very well be harmless, but of course this is hurting you.

My husband was the same with me, BUT he was having an affair.

Be carful, make sure he‘s not playing wolf in sheeps clothing. Talk to him about your feeling on the situation - he should respect this - if not then you might want to start keeping tabs. Good luck!!



chelsea buns
  Posted: 12/20/2005 3:33 PM Subject: Why does he flirt so much?
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I agree with Chelsea...ego and attention work to satisfy a craving...you could test him to see if it is a fair and balanced situation, why not call up some of your male friends and go to lunch, letting your man know full well that you are going to lunch...?

The idea is to see if he will become upset or jealous, which will raise a red flag suggesting he is into more than just lunch...

since he has no problem having you go to his work here and there...why not ask him if he can meet this friend? If, as he says they are, just "friends" he wont have any trouble saying "yes" to lunch with the three of you...what will likely happen is he will make up some excuse to put it off, or she is sick, or...?

You have options...dont be worried or down...he has self-admitted to you what he thinks is enough to keep you at bay which is not great, but not too bad as far as offering some level of honesty. but he has a few hurdles to jump through to really convince you, make him jump...if he fails to volunteer...think about contacting her yourself...men tend to go Kamakazee when girl meets girl...ask her to lunch yourself, see to it that you pick her up at work...make sure he see‘s you pick her up...and dont tell him, let it be a surprise to him.

I hope one of these options can work, it is more just to test him than to punish him.

 



SummerBreeze
  Posted: 12/20/2005 7:32 PM Subject: Why does he flirt so much?
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I‘m not excusing his behavior at all, BUT do you pay attention to him and flirt with him and stuff? Men like to have their egos stroked and if they can‘t get it done by their wife/gf, they‘ll go somewhere else. You seem to truly believe he is not cheating and you know him much better than we do.

Try flirting with him more. Tell him how good he looks. Let him know how desirable he is to you. Men like compliments too. If you have already been doing these things or if you try it and he still keeps flirting with other women, then I believe something else may be going on. Let us know how it goes. :)


TiredOfWomen
  Posted: 12/21/2005 5:12 AM Subject: Why does he flirt so much?
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RavenBlackeMoon wrote:
Because, someone who cares about someone does not to things on purpose to bother them. If they do, things need to be straightened out in this area, the foot needs to come down hard.****STOMP****


I was going right along with you...until that "foot needs to come down hard" thing.  Unless of course you just mean that you‘d just break it off...then it‘s understandable.

If, on the other hand you‘re talking about an ultimatum..yeah...that‘s gonna REALLY work well.

I‘ve never felt the need to flirt, whether it‘s with a significant other or just a female friend.  That just SHOUTS low-class disrespect to me.  But what I don‘t get is why, if it bothers you, you‘d tolerate it past the first time it happens?  It doesn‘t call for an ultimatum, it just calls for an action such as, "I don‘t think we‘re a good match" after the first instance and move on.  How long would you tolerate a guy punching you?  If he‘s that disrepectful and you got further into the relationship than that with someone who likes to flirt, well shame on you.



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