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| Moaning Myrtle |
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Posted: 7/30/2010 7:04 PM |
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Subject: Late Blossoming Lesbians |
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WomanSaver Addict
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The Second City of the Empire
Great Britain
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I came across this interesting article about women who decided in Middle-age or later that they are actually lesbians. Many if not all were married and had children.
Note that the article is written in a ‘Isn‘t it wonderful that women are finding themselves‘ tone. There is absolutely no mention of the effect that their decision to divorce and move in with another woman had upon their husbands. The journalist never criticises or even hints that these women were in actual fact deceiving their husbands. The tone throughout the article is celebratory nothing is allowed to interrupt the up-beat ‘sistahs doin‘ it for themselves‘ feel the journalist is so obviously striving after.
There is nothing wrong per se about a non-judgemental article on late-flowering lesbians. However, I strongly suspect that had this article been about married men realising after years of marriage that they were gay, the article would not have been written in such a joyous, ‘isn‘t it great?‘ non-judgemental way. The men would have been asked searching questions such as: ‘ do you not feel guilty about deceiving your wife all these years?‘, and ‘didn‘t you ever consider how your new found gayness would affect your children?‘ or ‘didn‘t you think that your secret lifestyle might have harmed your wife‘s health‘?
Here is the link
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jul/22/late-blooming-lesbians-women-sexuality
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| lovehard |
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Posted: 7/30/2010 7:33 PM |
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Subject: Late Blossoming Lesbians |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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walnut grove
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interesting post MM, I would like to discuss this further. I am on the road now and am going to loose my connection. I will be back.....
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| Kahlan |
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Posted: 7/31/2010 3:01 AM |
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Subject: Late Blossoming Lesbians |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 27
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Very interesting article indeed. It all depends on the spin, does it?
PNG, if a man came here and said that he suspected his wife of flirting with other women, I‘m pretty sure we would still tell him to confront her and get to the bottom of it.
The key word here is flirt.
Moogle said it‘s wrong to flirt outside of the marriage - whatever the gender of the person you‘re flirting with! You called her shallow for it!
If Maribel‘s husband came up to her and said "Look, I‘m going through a phase. I‘m confused. I think I might be gay or bi. Wanna talk about this?" then what‘s the problem?
But he didn‘t. Could it be that he doesn‘t know he‘s gay yet? Maybe - but is he not suspecting it? Is he not hurting her by withdrawing from her and obviously flirting with others?
Quote from your article, PNG: "Strock is still a lesbian – and also still married to her husband, who knows about her sexuality." There‘s my point in a nutshell.
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| hellhathnofury |
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Posted: 7/31/2010 7:39 AM |
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Subject: Late Blossoming Lesbians |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Sunderland
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Its a shame that some people - men and women- dont realise or accept their sexuality eariler and then end up in situations where other people‘s lives are affected by their "U turn".
But I do think there is a double standard in the in which the media treat men and women. Like look at how Jennifer Anniston is protrayed as some desparate spinster whilst George Clooney is a play boy stud.
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| malarkey marie |
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Posted: 7/31/2010 2:17 PM |
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Subject: Late Blossoming Lesbians |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 500
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Vatican city
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okay, i‘m gonna come at this from a different direction.
could it be that the most of the woman are finished raising their families, hence "late blooming" and the men that discover they are gay still have younger children that need emotional and financial support?
i agree that people really should try to "pick a team" and stick to it. i really don‘t believe that people are actually "bi", but that‘s just me. i suspect they are merely selfish and want to have two turns "at bat".
all things being equal, if either "bloomer" has children and respondsiblities at home then i say, close your eyes and "think of England" until the kids are off to college.
which i would have done with my ex the cheating cakeman, but no. no one ever wants to put what they want on the back burner for the good of others.
and while i‘m on my soapbox, i have a feeling that these woman with empty nests did not suddenly discover so much that they now have a taste for "tuna" as they just want someone soft, warm and comfy at the end of the day, not to mention someone that can remember to put the wet clothes in the dryer and if the dishes in the dishwasher are dirty or clean.
iow, it‘s more about companionship then pure sex, and as you age you realize that sex is not always about orgasm.
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| lovehard |
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Posted: 7/31/2010 3:10 PM |
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Subject: Late Blossoming Lesbians |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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walnut grove
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| Moaning Myrtle wrote: | I came across this interesting article about women who decided in Middle-age or later that they are actually lesbians. Many if not all were married and had children.
Note that the article is written in a ‘Isn‘t it wonderful that women are finding themselves‘ tone. There is absolutely no mention of the effect that their decision to divorce and move in with another woman had upon their husbands. The journalist never criticises or even hints that these women were in actual fact deceiving their husbands. The tone throughout the article is celebratory nothing is allowed to interrupt the up-beat ‘sistahs doin‘ it for themselves‘ feel the journalist is so obviously striving after.
There is nothing wrong per se about a non-judgemental article on late-flowering lesbians. However, I strongly suspect that had this article been about married men realising after years of marriage that they were gay, the article would not have been written in such a joyous, ‘isn‘t it great?‘ non-judgemental way. The men would have been asked searching questions such as: ‘ do you not feel guilty about deceiving your wife all these years?‘, and ‘didn‘t you ever consider how your new found gayness would affect your children?‘ or ‘didn‘t you think that your secret lifestyle might have harmed your wife‘s health‘?
Here is the link
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jul/22/late-blooming-lesbians-women-sexuality
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I can tell you of my experience when my(female) friend of 10 yrs. commited adultry with a woman.
She was maried for 15+ yrs. 1 son(10) 1 daughter (12).
She "decided" to leave him for a woman, It was devistating for her H, and children. More than once her H was at our house in tears wondering what he had done wrong.Bacicly the same "why, I don‘t understand" questions that women ask when this happens to them.
In our circle of friends I‘ll admit it was not that she went for a female that was so upsetting it was the pain she caused her family. Adultry is the same who ever you do it with...OS or SS.
She and I talked about this ALOT...Me always wanting to "fix" things. What I found interesting is that she never considered herself a lez or had SSA before. She met this woman, a friendship grew and then she dumped her family to run off with her. It was not something she was born to do, She DECIDED to be with a woman. I gave her alot of respect for taking responsability for her choice and not blame it on "I have no choice who I am attracted to"
She was not lost, trying to find herself. She was just a bitch and left her husband and two young children and moved to mexico.
The effect on her family was huge!!! It has taken years for her H to recover. As for her daughter she did not fare so well. She did not take to being abandon by mom too well.
What she did was awful!!!! But I do respect her for admitting she "choose" to be with a woman. She had a choice, she chose. She is a bittch and awful example what a mother/spouse should be.
I don‘t care who or what people have sex with or want to spend their life with.
I actually saw a program about "odd love" A woman was seriously in love with a WALL!!! NO JOKE!! SHE WAS DEAD SERIOUS, SHE SAID SHE ALWAYS HAD AN ATTRACTION TO WALLS.... OMG, She was born this way,,she said. Whatever!!! Just take responsability for who/what you are in love with and stop blame it on " I was born this way"
I know many do not agree with me, but I believe what I do only after much research on the subject.
I will not argue with anyone about this subject but would discuss it. I am always open to changing my view on some things when given logical reasonings or new factual information.
MM , it should not be a double standard, Adultry is equally hurtful and dispicable no matter the gender.
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| Moogleangelgirl |
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Posted: 7/31/2010 5:32 PM |
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Subject: Late Blossoming Lesbians |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 33
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| Moaning Myrtle wrote: |
I came across this interesting article about women who decided in Middle-age or later that they are actually lesbians. Many if not all were married and had children.
Note that the article is written in a ‘Isn‘t it wonderful that women are finding themselves‘ tone. There is absolutely no mention of the effect that their decision to divorce and move in with another woman had upon their husbands. The journalist never criticises or even hints that these women were in actual fact deceiving their husbands. The tone throughout the article is celebratory nothing is allowed to interrupt the up-beat ‘sistahs doin‘ it for themselves‘ feel the journalist is so obviously striving after.
There is nothing wrong per se about a non-judgemental article on late-flowering lesbians. However, I strongly suspect that had this article been about married men realising after years of marriage that they were gay, the article would not have been written in such a joyous, ‘isn‘t it great?‘ non-judgemental way. The men would have been asked searching questions such as: ‘ do you not feel guilty about deceiving your wife all these years?‘, and ‘didn‘t you ever consider how your new found gayness would affect your children?‘ or ‘didn‘t you think that your secret lifestyle might have harmed your wife‘s health‘?
Here is the link
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jul/22/late-blooming-lesbians-women-sexuality
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My view on this is simple, in spite of the controversial subject matter.
If you are married, and you suddenly find or decide you are homosexual, or bisexual, you are still bound to the vows that you spoke in matrimony. If husband or wife should, assuming that this is past the "I‘m confused by my feelings" stage, stop having marital feelings towards their spouse, I think its only right that the person who has had the change of heart sit down with her/his spouse and let them know what is going on. Marriage is a partnership and situations like this should be handled with respect and honesty.
The spouse of the person who has had the change of heart should be told so there are no lies within the relationship, and so that he/she can make the right decision for themselves regarding staying in a marriage like this.
Here‘s where my view gets unpopular...
I believe that humans are capable of loving beyond their physical desires. If the person who suddenly finds themselves homo/bisexual by means of physical attraction and not of the heart, and that person chooses to remain faithful to their spouse out of LOVE, I think it should be given a chance. The fact that the person loves their spouse enough to ignore his/her own desires should be taken into consideration. It would be no different than a man or woman suddenly finding themselves attracted to a friend or co-worker of the opposite sex, and resisting temptation out of love and respect for the person you are married to. Respect your vows.
I realize that "becoming" homosexual involves something much more complicated. Your entire view on life takes a complete shift and your are suddenly seeing in a much different color, but you are, inside, still the same person. If that person is an honorable "man of their word" then their vows will take first place in battling temptation.
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| lovehard |
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Posted: 8/1/2010 4:50 PM |
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Subject: Late Blossoming Lesbians |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 0
Total Posts: 466
walnut grove
Minnesota
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| Moogleangelgirl wrote: |
| Moaning Myrtle wrote: |
I came across this interesting article about women who decided in Middle-age or later that they are actually lesbians. Many if not all were married and had children.
Note that the article is written in a ‘Isn‘t it wonderful that women are finding themselves‘ tone. There is absolutely no mention of the effect that their decision to divorce and move in with another woman had upon their husbands. The journalist never criticises or even hints that these women were in actual fact deceiving their husbands. The tone throughout the article is celebratory nothing is allowed to interrupt the up-beat ‘sistahs doin‘ it for themselves‘ feel the journalist is so obviously striving after.
There is nothing wrong per se about a non-judgemental article on late-flowering lesbians. However, I strongly suspect that had this article been about married men realising after years of marriage that they were gay, the article would not have been written in such a joyous, ‘isn‘t it great?‘ non-judgemental way. The men would have been asked searching questions such as: ‘ do you not feel guilty about deceiving your wife all these years?‘, and ‘didn‘t you ever consider how your new found gayness would affect your children?‘ or ‘didn‘t you think that your secret lifestyle might have harmed your wife‘s health‘?
Here is the link
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jul/22/late-blooming-lesbians-women-sexuality
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My view on this is simple, in spite of the controversial subject matter.
If you are married, and you suddenly find or decide you are homosexual, or bisexual, you are still bound to the vows that you spoke in matrimony. If husband or wife should, assuming that this is past the "I‘m confused by my feelings" stage, stop having marital feelings towards their spouse, I think its only right that the person who has had the change of heart sit down with her/his spouse and let them know what is going on. Marriage is a partnership and situations like this should be handled with respect and honesty.
The spouse of the person who has had the change of heart should be told so there are no lies within the relationship, and so that he/she can make the right decision for themselves regarding staying in a marriage like this.
Here‘s where my view gets unpopular...
I believe that humans are capable of loving beyond their physical desires. If the person who suddenly finds themselves homo/bisexual by means of physical attraction and not of the heart, and that person chooses to remain faithful to their spouse out of LOVE, I think it should be given a chance. The fact that the person loves their spouse enough to ignore his/her own desires should be taken into consideration. It would be no different than a man or woman suddenly finding themselves attracted to a friend or co-worker of the opposite sex, and resisting temptation out of love and respect for the person you are married to. Respect your vows.
I realize that "becoming" homosexual involves something much more complicated. Your entire view on life takes a complete shift and your are suddenly seeing in a much different color, but you are, inside, still the same person. If that person is an honorable "man of their word" then their vows will take first place in battling temptation.
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I think they way you explained your feelings on this are very balanced and compassionate toward the spouse. I agree with you, I wish my friend had the respect for her vows that you shared here. 
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