| AUTHOR |
MESSAGE
|
| maribell |
 |
|
Posted: 7/25/2010 8:17 PM |
 |
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 46
Total Posts: 2
ontario
Canada
offline
Invite To Chat Room
 Send Note
|
My husband always seems to seek out, make eye contact and smiles with other men when we are in public. he denies it. he went so far as to possibly try to flirt with high school boys at a local water park and when he came down the slide they were calling hiim tutti fruiti. high school kids are not shy about outing someone in public especially if they have been hit on by a 40 yr old. do you think he is gay? he says i am dreaming this stuff up and i am sick of it.
|
| Moogleangelgirl |
|
|
Posted: 7/25/2010 8:41 PM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 33
.gif)
Total Posts: 436
Where I live
Texas
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Some guys are just naturally more feminine and seem to act girly. My Choir teacher in jr high always seemed a bit fruity, but he is, to this day, happily married to the same woman. I know several guys that act kind of gay, but they swear they aren‘t.
Keep an eye on him. Maybe talk to him at length about it, but be prepared that you might hurt his feelings.
If he is openly flirting with ppl while he is married or in a relationship, that is wrong. It doesnt matter what their gender is, and especially if they are kids, he needs to be told that that is extremely wrong.
What if he is Bi-sexual? Will you be able to accept that as long as he remains faithful?
|
| Kitty Kitty |
|
|
Posted: 7/26/2010 11:03 AM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 4659
Total Posts: 355
Americas Finest Citee
California
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Hi Maribel,
Most of my friends are gay...Some were married to a woman at one point...Honesty is the best policy...Yes, you might hurt his feelings...espeicially if you‘re wrong...
But open the door for communication...Make him feel that he can be honest with you about his feelings...whatever they may be...And that you‘re concerned...All it does is shows you care about him, and your marriage...
Be prepared for whatever he may tell you...If he is having those feelings...He may be confused...Try to be as patient as possible...and don‘t do much talking...Listen to him...It‘s not a painless situation...for you or him.
It‘s better to confront him head on...and not to speculate...
Update?
|
| maribell |
|
|
Posted: 7/27/2010 4:11 PM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 46
Total Posts: 2
ontario
Canada
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
I confronted him and gave him a chance to fess up. he refuses to acknowledge me and says he is not gay- period - the end. I have given him the benefit of the doubt for 20 years when it has been flaunted it my face. i will have to move on as I am tired of pretending nothing is wrong.
|
| Miss Luvly1 |
|
|
Posted: 7/28/2010 10:02 AM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 961
The Rondanthe
Minnesota
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
I can think of a defininate "Broke Back Mountain" type of relationship that I know of.
This guy I have known since we were 6 years old. We went to church together. His parents are business owners in the community. When he was in his early twenties he modeled for a bit. He married at around 25. The next time I saw him I was out to the bars with my girlfriend. She was friends with his male lover. It was a total shock to realize that he was going to spend the night over at his friends house while his absolutely gorgeous young wife was at home with their baby.
My own husband had quite a few gay friends. He claimed to be "non-judgemental". In reality I saw one of his "friends" come up behind him while he was playing pool and give him the pelvic rub. He denied it happened, or that he didn‘t even know it happened. Most guys would have been freaking out if their buddies came up behind them like that.
I believe my exhusband to be bi-sexual. He hid it very well, but as well as the cheating with other women I think he would have cheated with both sexes.
|
| Sunny fl |
|
|
Posted: 7/28/2010 5:39 PM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 5310
sunshine and daisies
Wyoming
United States
online
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
| Miss Luvly1 wrote: | I can think of a defininate "Broke Back Mountain" type of relationship that I know of.
This guy I have known since we were 6 years old. We went to church together. His parents are business owners in the community. When he was in his early twenties he modeled for a bit. He married at around 25. The next time I saw him I was out to the bars with my girlfriend. She was friends with his male lover. It was a total shock to realize that he was going to spend the night over at his friends house while his absolutely gorgeous young wife was at home with their baby.
My own husband had quite a few gay friends. He claimed to be "non-judgemental". In reality I saw one of his "friends" come up behind him while he was playing pool and give him the pelvic rub. He denied it happened, or that he didn‘t even know it happened. Most guys would have been freaking out if their buddies came up behind them like that.
I believe my exhusband to be bi-sexual. He hid it very well, but as well as the cheating with other women I think he would have cheated with both sexes.
|
That is just another good reason not to be with him.
|
| Alanis |
|
|
Posted: 7/28/2010 11:36 PM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 20
Total Posts: 13
Salem
Oregon
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
| maribell wrote: | I confronted him and gave him a chance to fess up. he refuses to acknowledge me and says he is not gay- period - the end. I have given him the benefit of the doubt for 20 years when it has been flaunted it my face. i will have to move on as I am tired of pretending nothing is wrong. |
No offense meant....but did you really think he would admit anything? On the face of it your story and feelings seem plausible....but, you really have no proof. If this feeling is in your gut, then you have to decide if you can live with it or just get out. You have been married a long time, and I think you need to search your soul before making a rash decision. I am always of the thought process of "when in doubt...do nothing". This way I know that I am not making a hasty rash decision that I may be sorry for later. Can you sit back some more, and try to garner some real proof? Maybe you are right...but maybe he is just an effeminate male. There is nothing wrong with that unless you need a manly man, and this is more than you can handle.
I wish you luck...keep coming back, and let us know how things are.
|
| Kahlan |
|
|
Posted: 7/29/2010 7:18 AM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 27
Total Posts: 437
Home
Cyprus
online
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
I can‘t believe what I‘m reading. This, and your previous message.
Girls act girly. We hug. We kiss. We touch each other‘s hair and we play grab each other‘s butts. We tickle each other and we roll on the floor on top of each other in hysterical laughter.
Please tell me when was the last time you saw this behaviour amongst men who were not a) gay and b) taking the piss out of gay people.
As for your first post in this thread - shame on the OP for confronting her husband about what clearly is suspicious behaviour, coming from a married, grown up male, who makes "eye contact and smiles with other men"? Do you not honestly think that if there was any chance for the OP to ignore it, she would‘ve done so already? Great way to help a woman who‘s in pain.
Are you familiar with the pain of suspecting deceipt by a person you‘ve been in a long term relationship / marriage with? Hmmm?
|
| Sunny fl |
|
|
Posted: 7/29/2010 10:41 AM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 5310
sunshine and daisies
Wyoming
United States
online
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
| Kahlan wrote: |
I can‘t believe what I‘m reading. This, and your previous message.
Girls act girly. We hug. We kiss. We touch each other‘s hair and we play grab each other‘s butts. We tickle each other and we roll on the floor on top of each other in hysterical laughter.
Please tell me when was the last time you saw this behaviour amongst men who were not a) gay and b) taking the piss out of gay people.
As for your first post in this thread - shame on the OP for confronting her husband about what clearly is suspicious behaviour, coming from a married, grown up male, who makes "eye contact and smiles with other men"? Do you not honestly think that if there was any chance for the OP to ignore it, she would‘ve done so already? Great way to help a woman who‘s in pain.
Are you familiar with the pain of suspecting deceipt by a person you‘ve been in a long term relationship / marriage with? Hmmm?
|
|
| lovehard |
|
|
Posted: 7/29/2010 12:49 PM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 0
Total Posts: 465
walnut grove
Minnesota
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Maribel,
I would tell him how his behavior causes you concern.
Flirty behavior can be hurtful to the non flirting spouse, Tell him this. Flirting is not always innocent, it can lead to acting on the "flirtyness", then you got a problem.
As far as him maybe having SSA??? Time will tell.Even If he does swing off center he has chosen to be with you. He loves YOU.
The important thing is him being faithful to your marriage.
|
| ToucheBaby |
|
|
Posted: 7/29/2010 4:55 PM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 96
Total Posts: 3401
on a beach
Hawaii
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
| maribell wrote: | | My husband always seems to seek out, make eye contact and smiles with other men when we are in public. he denies it. he went so far as to possibly try to flirt with high school boys at a local water park and when he came down the slide they were calling hiim tutti fruiti. high school kids are not shy about outing someone in public especially if they have been hit on by a 40 yr old. do you think he is gay? he says i am dreaming this stuff up and i am sick of it. |
Sheezzz....if you even have to ask......
How many times are you going to ask yourself that particular question before you realize you already know the answer.
|
| lovehard |
|
|
Posted: 7/29/2010 10:38 PM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 0
Total Posts: 465
walnut grove
Minnesota
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
| lovehard wrote: | Maribel,
I would tell him how his behavior causes you concern.
Flirty behavior can be hurtful to the non flirting spouse, Tell him this. Flirting is not always innocent, it can lead to acting on the "flirtyness", then you got a problem.
As far as him maybe having SSA??? Time will tell.Even If he does swing off center he has chosen to be with you. He loves YOU.
The important thing is him being faithful to your marriage.
|
I‘m sure I was sober when I posted.......Pretty sure??? It sounded like sound reasoning to me.
Funny thing about the whole girls being all lovey with eachother,,,, Ummmm,,,, isn‘t it guys that are into the girl on girl crap!!?? I‘ve never known a chick that wanted to see her man givin it to another guy!! Never, not 1.
Double standard??? Yes, but not encouraged by women. It‘s guy‘s that fantisize about it,,,not soo much chicks. This is a DS mess that males created.
|
| Kahlan |
|
|
Posted: 7/29/2010 11:22 PM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 27
Total Posts: 437
Home
Cyprus
online
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Not. At. All. You missed the point completely.
Let‘s get something out of the way: I‘m surrounded by gay people, both male and female, whom I consider great friends. In fact, I don‘t distinguish at all and their sexual orientation is the furthest thing from my mind when I interact with them - so any hint at prejudice must sadly miss by a light year.
With all due respect PNG, I think you‘re judging by your own experiences. Maybe we hit a nerve there. If you‘re effeminate in your every day dealings, a) don‘t think people don‘t notice and b) you‘re not married so you really have no idea of the possible pain that the OP might be experiencing right now.
Someone who is a homosexual would find it very difficult to have to repress their nature in order to keep up a marriage. I‘m not the one saying this. I had a discussion with my friends about it and they all said the same thing. This would be totally unfair to both the person as well as their spouse.
As per your quote: Where did anyone tell the OP to divorce her husband? Or where did we make homophobic jabs? Hmm?
Bottom line: If you‘re not going to say something to help a concerned woman, best to stay put and not say anything at all. Your issues are of secondary importance in somebody else‘s thread.
|
| MorningGlory |
|
|
Posted: 7/30/2010 10:09 AM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 39
.gif)
Total Posts: 136
NYC
New York
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Has the OP been back?
Hiding your sexuality (be it bisexual or homosexual) from your spouse is an extreme betrayal, even if the person in question hasn‘t been unfaithful.
I think a spouse owes that kind of truth to their partner and if they can‘t be honest with them, they should let them go and find someone who won‘t let them live a lie.
|
| lovehard |
|
|
Posted: 7/30/2010 11:12 AM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 0
Total Posts: 465
walnut grove
Minnesota
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
We don‘t even know if this guy is gay or straight. For whatever reason he chose to love and be in a relationship with a female. If he has SSA and is married that is his CHOICE.
I wonder if she had questions about his behavior before "I Do" If it is so obvious that strangers notice she had to have noticed before they married.
|
| Kahlan |
|
|
Posted: 7/31/2010 3:10 AM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 27
Total Posts: 437
Home
Cyprus
online
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Maybe it wasn‘t the case before they were married...
|
| Moogleangelgirl |
|
|
Posted: 7/31/2010 4:37 PM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 33
Total Posts: 436
Where I live
Texas
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
PNG- I‘m surprised at you for not having the common sense to take my sentence in context with OP‘s situation and see that I was responding to her situation in regards to MALE homosexuality. I‘m not in grade school. I know straight, masculine females exist as well. Choose your fights. I know you are much smarter than to nit pick.
Your response was rude and only serves to prove to me that what other ppl are always saying about you has a grain of truth to it. In spite of how much I do get out of your more well thought out posts, I‘m afraid this response has colored my opinion of your level of maturity a very excremental shade of green.
|
| malarkey marie |
|
|
Posted: 8/1/2010 2:18 AM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 500
Total Posts: 782
Vatican city
Finland
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
he went so far as to possibly try to flirt with high school boys at a local water park my first instinct was that she has more problems then we can attempt to deal with. one of them being that if she made this acusation against ANYONE besides her husband, there is no way she could get away with it. and i‘m not sure if she even realizes how horrid it is, what she is trying to do. i have no advice for her and won‘t attempt to give her any. i will say that statistics bear out that the majority of adults that seek out children are NOT gay.
|
| Kitty Kitty |
|
|
Posted: 8/1/2010 8:24 AM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 4659
Total Posts: 355
Americas Finest Citee
California
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Whoa there...There‘s a reason it‘s a forum...To get different perspectives.. Just because you disagree...Doesn‘t make them wrong...
|
| Kahlan |
|
|
Posted: 8/2/2010 2:21 AM |
|
Subject: how to tell if your husband is gay |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 27
Total Posts: 437
Home
Cyprus
online
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Guys, guys.
The wife mentions she saw him making eye contact and exchanging smiles with other men. If she didn‘t think this was flirtatious (and please don‘t forget, she‘s the one who witnessed this, and she wouldn‘t be coming to this website if she wasn‘t extremely shocked and disappointed) then I‘m sure she would‘ve been more than happy to discard the incident(s).
|