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| perpetualdawn |
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Posted: 7/23/2010 11:51 PM |
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Subject: is there a way to get guy to change his mind after a break up? |
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WomanSaver Addict
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I don‘t take offense at all am just greatful that you cared enough to write. I didn‘t do those specific things but very similar. I was that needy insecure woman.
Ladies this is so confusing. He cries looks at me with love in his eyes. I know he‘s in love with me he tells me. Why is he doing this. It‘s so confusing.
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| hellhathnofury |
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Posted: 7/24/2010 10:18 AM |
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Subject: is there a way to get guy to change his mind after a break up? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Sorry but is this post a wind up?
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| shally |
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Posted: 7/24/2010 10:58 AM |
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Subject: is there a way to get guy to change his mind after a break up? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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What‘s a ‘wind up‘, hell?
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| Moogleangelgirl |
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Posted: 7/24/2010 11:01 AM |
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Subject: is there a way to get guy to change his mind after a break up? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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| perpetualdawn wrote: | | I don‘t take offense at all am just greatful that you cared enough to write. I didn‘t do those specific things but very similar. I was that needy insecure woman. Ladies this is so confusing. He cries looks at me with love in his eyes. I know he‘s in love with me he tells me. Why is he doing this. It‘s so confusing. |
It sounds like he doesn‘t know what he wants. Maybe he does love you, but he doesn‘t love certain things about you, which I assume you are trying to change by going to counseling. I know how you feel, I have been in your shoes and have had those same feelings you are feeling. I‘ve had my heart broken many times and I have desperately searched for ways to make him love me/stay. It‘s no way to live.
You are going to make yourself sick this way. The negative feelings have a way of hurting your body. You need to sit down, push away the bad thoughts, and meditate. Turn off the TV, put in earplugs if you live in a noisy, disruptive area, put any pets in the other room, unplug the phone or put it on silent. Forget the world exists for about 10-15 minutes. Just breathe and focus on the energy around you in order to calm yourself. Feel it resonate through your body.
When you are done with that I want you to make a list. 5 things you have always wanted to do for yourself. for YOU. Not for anyone else or to make anyone else happy. Examples of what i mean are:
Taking a dance/martial arts/cooking/painting/music/horseback riding class-
Go back to school if you want/can-
Making a drastic change in your hair like color, cut, or perm-
Starting a Yoga routine-
If you have the means, pampering yourself with a shopping spree and buying yourself some things you have always wanted-
Getting a professional massage-
Trying something you have always wanted to try like rock climbing, para-sailing, skiing (water or otherwise) or just hiking (all of these with a professional)-
Then, I want you to do at least ONE thing on your list, more if you can, and promise yourself that you will do 1 new thing a year from now on. These will boost your feelings of self worth a LOT.
You need to train yourself. You are a PERSON and you are precious. You do NOT need another person to make you whole. Yes, I know your hearts WANTS this person. I know you LOVE him. You need to LOVE YOU and anyone who does not love you the way you need to be loved is not worth the heart ache. I am not saying to give up on him because I know that is not what you want to hear. You are clearly not ready to let him go, and until you finally understand that you do not NEED his love, you won‘t be ready to let go.You definitely need to continue with therapy, but you need to do more than just go to therapy so you can prove to him you are trying. You need to focus on what they are telling you at therapy. Share and participate. Listen.
Sometimes, and this has happened to me, when you finally let go of someone because you have realized you deserve better, they come crawling back to you. They like this new, self confident person. They see a beauty in that, and it is irresistible to them. Sometimes it‘s for the wrong reasons, but it does happen. In my case, by the time that happened, it was too late for him. I was ready to live my life and focus on me. In all the time I spent crying over this guy and trying to get him back, I had been swimming against the current of life. The moment had passed for my time with him, and I refused to let go. I might have missed having my beautiful children if I had held onto that. It was in doing the things that made ME happy that I met the father of my children.
I‘ll keep you in my prayers, please keep posting. I care.
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| perpetualdawn |
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Posted: 7/24/2010 12:06 PM |
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Subject: is there a way to get guy to change his mind after a break up? |
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WomanSaver Addict
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| Moogleangelgirl wrote: |
| perpetualdawn wrote: |
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I don‘t take offense at all am just greatful that you cared enough to write. I didn‘t do those specific things but very similar. I was that needy insecure woman.
Ladies this is so confusing. He cries looks at me with love in his eyes. I know he‘s in love with me he tells me. Why is he doing this. It‘s so confusing. |
It sounds like he doesn‘t know what he wants. Maybe he does love you, but he doesn‘t love certain things about you, which I assume you are trying to change by going to counseling. I know how you feel, I have been in your shoes and have had those same feelings you are feeling. I‘ve had my heart broken many times and I have desperately searched for ways to make him love me/stay. It‘s no way to live.
You are going to make yourself sick this way. The negative feelings have a way of hurting your body. You need to sit down, push away the bad thoughts, and meditate. Turn off the TV, put in earplugs if you live in a noisy, disruptive area, put any pets in the other room, unplug the phone or put it on silent. Forget the world exists for about 10-15 minutes. Just breathe and focus on the energy around you in order to calm yourself. Feel it resonate through your body.
When you are done with that I want you to make a list. 5 things you have always wanted to do for yourself. for YOU. Not for anyone else or to make anyone else happy. Examples of what i mean are:
Taking a dance/martial arts/cooking/painting/music/horseback riding class-
Go back to school if you want/can-
Making a drastic change in your hair like color, cut, or perm-
Starting a Yoga routine-
If you have the means, pampering yourself with a shopping spree and buying yourself some things you have always wanted-
Getting a professional massage-
Trying something you have always wanted to try like rock climbing, para-sailing, skiing (water or otherwise) or just hiking (all of these with a professional)-
Then, I want you to do at least ONE thing on your list, more if you can, and promise yourself that you will do 1 new thing a year from now on. These will boost your feelings of self worth a LOT.
You need to train yourself. You are a PERSON and you are precious. You do NOT need another person to make you whole. Yes, I know your hearts WANTS this person. I know you LOVE him. You need to LOVE YOU and anyone who does not love you the way you need to be loved is not worth the heart ache. I am not saying to give up on him because I know that is not what you want to hear. You are clearly not ready to let him go, and until you finally understand that you do not NEED his love, you won‘t be ready to let go.You definitely need to continue with therapy, but you need to do more than just go to therapy so you can prove to him you are trying. You need to focus on what they are telling you at therapy. Share and participate. Listen.
Sometimes, and this has happened to me, when you finally let go of someone because you have realized you deserve better, they come crawling back to you. They like this new, self confident person. They see a beauty in that, and it is irresistible to them. Sometimes it‘s for the wrong reasons, but it does happen. In my case, by the time that happened, it was too late for him. I was ready to live my life and focus on me. In all the time I spent crying over this guy and trying to get him back, I had been swimming against the current of life. The moment had passed for my time with him, and I refused to let go. I might have missed having my beautiful children if I had held onto that. It was in doing the things that made ME happy that I met the father of my children.
I‘ll keep you in my prayers, please keep posting. I care.
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Thank you. I feel like you really understand what I‘m going through. My heart has been breaking into tiny pieces over and over again. And although I prey all the time he will change his mind I am also activly looking for a place to live and having trouble with that. Always find that love myself thing so confusing. I do love myself. I mean more so then I did or maybe at least I no longer hate myself. That‘s a start, but anytime I think of being alone I feel so anxious I have a desperate need for someone to love me. And this is the closest I‘ve ever come. And I am a Very active person with many things that I do that have nothing to do with a man. As well as a pet I love very much. Still would give anything to feel loved and protected. How am I soposed to give that to myself. How do I leave the man and world I love to move to a less then neiborhood alone. I‘m getting older and I‘m not afraid that I‘m to old to meet someone. I know you can meet someone at any age. It‘s that I have already spent all these years alone. I don‘t want to anymore. I want to be part of something. If this man goes It would take a month for anyone to realise I‘m dead if something were to happen. And I hate that. More then I can state
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| shally |
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Posted: 7/24/2010 1:39 PM |
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Subject: is there a way to get guy to change his mind after a break up? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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dawn, your posts just break my heart and I just don‘t know what else to say to you to help you feel better. It is just something you will have to go through, we all go through tough times, lonely times, times that we feel we‘ll never recover from, but there is always that spark that draw to want to heal want to be better within us. You are asking questions that only he and you can answer.
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| perpetualdawn |
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Posted: 7/24/2010 1:50 PM |
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Subject: is there a way to get guy to change his mind after a break up? |
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WomanSaver Addict
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Age: 34
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Thank you. I‘m so greatful for all of you. I‘m now really looking for a place and I have never seen a man so eritic in my entire life. One secound he‘s crying then he‘s yelling avoiding me asking me to leave telling me he knows he‘d rather have me here. So scary everyday I‘m afraid of what‘s going to happen. I‘m fighting my past memories of being told no one will love me and just trying to love myself and I want to beg him to stay with me. Beg him to be mine and give me another chance but I stated in a meeting bottom line no begging. It‘s a start. Right now I miss my mom so much I wish I had anyone to love me for just a little while,
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| shally |
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Posted: 7/24/2010 2:17 PM |
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Subject: is there a way to get guy to change his mind after a break up? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Well dawn I wish I were there with you I really do, you‘d be hugged till you didn‘t need it anymore.
I care about you, know that. And I pray you can feel it.
It‘s why I suggested volunteering at a Living Center, there are so many lonely elderly that like you would give anything to feel love. When we‘d visit my mother in law you would not believe the people that would follow us to her apartment. It‘d make my mil so mad but h and I would invite them in anyway. Please give it some thought. Sometimes when we go to help and bless others lives they end up blessing us tenfold.
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| Moogleangelgirl |
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Posted: 7/25/2010 10:46 PM |
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Subject: is there a way to get guy to change his mind after a break up? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 33
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| perpetualdawn wrote: |
Thank you. I feel like you really understand what I‘m going through. My heart has been breaking into tiny pieces over and over again. And although I prey all the time he will change his mind I am also activly looking for a place to live and having trouble with that. Always find that love myself thing so confusing. I do love myself. I mean more so then I did or maybe at least I no longer hate myself. That‘s a start, but anytime I think of being alone I feel so anxious I have a desperate need for someone to love me. And this is the closest I‘ve ever come. And I am a Very active person with many things that I do that have nothing to do with a man. As well as a pet I love very much. Still would give anything to feel loved and protected. How am I soposed to give that to myself. How do I leave the man and world I love to move to a less then neiborhood alone. I‘m getting older and I‘m not afraid that I‘m to old to meet someone. I know you can meet someone at any age. It‘s that I have already spent all these years alone. I don‘t want to anymore. I want to be part of something. If this man goes It would take a month for anyone to realise I‘m dead if something were to happen. And I hate that. More then I can state |
Dawn,
I want to give you my advice on a couple of things in your response.
"Still would give anything to feel loved and protected. How am I soposed to give that to myself."
I believe it would be a GREAT idea for you to join a martial arts class. They do have them for adult beginners, and some are very reasonably priced. I took Aikido. It is not the most popular form of martial arts (the actor Steven Seagal is, among other things, an Aikido master and it is the art of using someone else‘s own force against them when they attack you. Most people prefer an offensive/defensive martial arts style.) and since it isnt very popular, it tends to be more reasonable. It empowered me. It helped me realize and understand, even though I did not think i needed to change, that I DO NOT NEED a man to feel protected. I walked out of that Dojo feeling like a bitch of steel. No one was going to mess with me and if they did, they were going to get HURT. Granted, it took me a few months to feel like this, but it was worth it. I felt GOOD! Honey, when you feel that good, when you feel power within yourself, you LOVE yourself! No more just "not hating yourself as much" you actually LOVE yourself. You are PROUD. It also helped me tone up, which made me feel beautiful. I am a chubby girl. Think about it, and call around for the best prices on different styles for beginners if you decide its something you would like to try. Research it.
"How do I leave the man and world I love to move to a less then neiborhood alone."
I‘m not sure what that means exactly. If you meant that the neighborhood you are having to move to is not a good one and you are afraid to live there, then try to find a roommate instead! Look in the papers. Especially if you are in a college area, a lot of people are looking for roomies. SCREEN! Be very careful who you move in with, and where you move in to. Write out an agreement and have it notarized before you sign any lease. The last thing you want is to move in with someone you THOUGHT was a decent person, only to find out her idea of a quiet Saturday night is having 3 large guys over to snort cocaine off of your glass coffee table followed by very loud bedroom gymnastics.
And to answer the first part of that question...
Who says you have to leave him completely? What if you take a step back from the "unrelationship" you have right now, and turn it into a great friendship? I assume, since you love him as much as you do, that his happiness is something you want, even if you are not "with" him. I also assume you would like him in your life, no matter what kind of relationship it is.. that being said maybe, after some time (a few months! you need TIME to find yourself and get over him!) away from each other, having him over for dinner and a movie at a new place is just what you need to re-establish yourselves into a different kind of relationship. Good, or maybe even, best friends? It‘s possible, and not as hard as you think. Just remember that you want his happiness as much as your own. Chances are, he is still going to be there for you, but you are going to need to let him go in order for this friendship to flourish.
If this does happen.. You will NEED to keep yourself in check if/when he starts dating again... If you dont think you can, the you might as well just walk away from him cold turkey. If he loves you, he will come for you.
If you dont have a family, make one with close friends! I know I have found a second family here in some members that I love, and it helps, but I couldnt do without my RL friends. You are definitely going to have to build up your self esteem one way or another girl! Its difficult to make friends feeling negative about yourself. They pick up on it and its difficult being around someone that is always feeling negative. The really good ones will stay and try to help you become a happier person though. LOVE YOURSELF, as in take pride in yourself!! Look in the mirror and look into your own eyes. See the soul in there. See that the person there deserves love and happiness and has WORTH. :D It‘s a great feeling!
One last thing...
Remember that no matter what you feel about yourself, Christ loves you. His arms are always open for you, no matter what you look like, what you have done, what you have not done, any personality flaws you have or what others think of you. He wants all of His children to come to Him in their times of need even if that is the ONLY time you come to Him. You need love right now, and He is there to give it....
You are never alone.
I know you said you have been praying. Remember that not everything we ask for in prayers is what is right for us. You are a work in progress babe.
If you only listen to one, listen to the first, but here are some inspirational songs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciW8r-5kCDY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ks3R2BwyO0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbCfyZHSQbE&feature=avmsc2
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| Moogleangelgirl |
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Posted: 7/25/2010 11:12 PM |
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Subject: is there a way to get guy to change his mind after a break up? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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| shally wrote: |
Well dawn I wish I were there with you I really do, you‘d be hugged till you didn‘t need it anymore.
I care about you, know that. And I pray you can feel it.
It‘s why I suggested volunteering at a Living Center, there are so many lonely elderly that like you would give anything to feel love. When we‘d visit my mother in law you would not believe the people that would follow us to her apartment. It‘d make my mil so mad but h and I would invite them in anyway. Please give it some thought. Sometimes when we go to help and bless others lives they end up blessing us tenfold.
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This is another beautiful thing you can do. A lot of elderly have NO FAMILY come visit them. . Consider it.
Great idea shally :)
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| perpetualdawn |
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Posted: 7/26/2010 9:21 AM |
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Subject: is there a way to get guy to change his mind after a break up? |
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Last night a different ex of mine put me up. He‘s the only place available for me to stay. The pain of not being with my love in my home was unbearable I feel like I‘m living a nightmare. Nothing eases it. I work near my love and all I want to do is go home.
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| Moogleangelgirl |
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Posted: 7/26/2010 2:29 PM |
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Subject: is there a way to get guy to change his mind after a break up? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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| perpetualdawn wrote: | | Last night a different ex of mine put me up. He‘s the only place available for me to stay. The pain of not being with my love in my home was unbearable I feel like I‘m living a nightmare. Nothing eases it. I work near my love and all I want to do is go home. |
It always starts that way dawn. Things will get better. I promise you that the pain will become bearable and begin to ebb, but only if you allow yourself to move on.
I know what its like. Waking up and hoping it was all a just a nightmare. Then realizing that it isnt and all of the pain comes back in fresh, painful waves, consuming and crippling you. You are left in a heap of sobbing flesh for a while. You go about your business with a kind of painful emptiness and escape to be alone and cry a few times a day. It‘s that way for extreme loss of any kind. Please try and be strong. We care about you here. Remember that if you ever feel that the world is against you. We are here trying to help pull you through this.
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| perpetualdawn |
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Posted: 7/26/2010 3:12 PM |
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Subject: is there a way to get guy to change his mind after a break up? |
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I‘m still preying with all my heart that he will miss me now and realise he wants me back. I‘m looking for a place to live and registering to adopt a grand parent. Preying he will want me to come back is the only thing that comforts me. And your right. Feel like the walking dead. Was going to pick up some stuff from him tomorrow but I‘m not going or calling.
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| perpetualdawn |
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Posted: 7/26/2010 3:12 PM |
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Subject: is there a way to get guy to change his mind after a break up? |
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WomanSaver Addict
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I‘m still preying with all my heart that he will miss me now and realise he wants me back. I‘m looking for a place to live and registering to adopt a grand parent. Preying he will want me to come back is the only thing that comforts me. And your right. Feel like the walking dead. Was going to pick up some stuff from him tomorrow but I‘m not going or calling.
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| Moogleangelgirl |
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Posted: 7/26/2010 3:53 PM |
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Subject: is there a way to get guy to change his mind after a break up? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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| perpetualdawn wrote: | |
I‘m still preying with all my heart that he will miss me now and realise he wants me back. I‘m looking for a place to live and registering to adopt a grand parent. Preying he will want me to come back is the only thing that comforts me. And your right. Feel like the walking dead. Was going to pick up some stuff from him tomorrow but I‘m not going or calling.
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Keep praying. I know how much it can help. It might happen, it might not. God has his own plans for you and he knows whats best. Maybe this guy will have his own wake up call now that you are gone. Only God knows.
I‘m glad you are actively doing things to move forward even though you are in such pain. I found that part so difficult and most of the time I became a depressed, lazy, crying person. Useful to no one. You are so strong for doing that. Its something to be admired.
Hold your ground. Stand steady. You are doing great.
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