WomanSavers.com Forum / GENERAL / Mother in Law Survival

Ok, my mother in law  is coming to stay with us, thankfully its only for 4 weeks, she comes to stay every year.

Anyway she is basically ok but she isnt my really my type of person and sometimes she just does my f‘ing head in.

How do you cope with your mother in law? Do you get on? Its like mine is ok but you dont do it her way then there is an issue.

You deal with her and be very nice,  she gave birth to the man you love.

Unless she is disrespecting you.

It its just that you to have different point of views, deal with it for your man

My MIL cleaned my closet while i was a work. 

She threw away things that I had kept for sentimental reasons.  I wanted to kill her,  but I got them out of the trash and told her exactly what they ment to me.  She never did it again.

during my divorce two of my brothers died, one month apart. my family moved in with my aging ill mom. i love her ....however, at the time i moved in we both worked full time and were not often, "on top of each other". once she retired, wow.

she tried to take over my role as a mom. fixing their snacks, driving the car pools and checking homework. i‘m ashamed to say that that first xmas i took lucy into the bedroom to give her her "special" gift because i wanted some privacy with my own daughter.

later i came to realize that my mom felt useless, like she had nothing to "give" to anyone anymore. she felt like no one needed her anymore. so i let her be a mom to lucy and i let her mother me as well.

i have to tell you no one can make a bed like she can, such a luxury after a long day to come home and find your room straightened, fresh laudry on your neatly made bed.

now granted, some of my clothes were shrunk beyond ever fitting again and the towels never seemed "all the way dry", but i‘m glad i had that time with my mommy before she passed away.

i also spent alot of time asking my mom the questions in one of those "memory books" you can buy? it‘s filled out now in her handwritting. questions like, what were you like in highschool and how did you meet daddy. i understand they have them where you can have her record her voice answering the questions. maybe that will keep her busy and out of your hair.

my sisters called me lazy, chastized me for letting mommy do my work instead of the other way around, but mommy loved lucy and she loved me, and sometimes that‘s how they show it, by interferring.

sometimes you just got to let them do whatever they want.

it won‘t hurt you and besides, try to find the beauty in the things she likes, because someday, she just might leave them to  you and then where will you be??

good luck, remember like sunny said, she raised the man you love and you just have to suck it up for awhile.

i just realized i didn‘t say much about my own mother-in-law. we were not close. she is not a comfy kind of let your hair down woman, she only had brothers and sons and she felt she ruled the roost. my husband had to tell her when lucy was born "your my mom, but she‘s THE MOM. and he once told me, she might not be in love with you but she knows your the best woman for me.

i haven‘t seen her or spoken to her since my divorce, it suits us both just fine.

OMG! Where do these women come from!

I love my Mam, she is my best mate and my inspiration, I took her to London for mothers day and we‘re going on holiday just the two of us for two weeks in September and I cant wait, she‘s brilliant. A bit dippy sometimes but still the best.

Nothing like my mother in law, my mother in law doesnt even drink, she‘s lashed after 1 martini!!

Lorrie  that was beautiful and yes I do believe that your mother was very happy helping you raise Lucy. 

There is nothing  better then a grandchild.

  unfortunatly my mil was a bitter, rude, opinionated,alcoholic with not much nice to say.  Late night drunken phone calls, constant critisizm ect....  20 yrs of her garboge!!!!!!

 UNTIL.......she was diognosed with cancer. The last 2 years of her life she was a different person. Or maybe it was the real her and she just decided being a giant evil "B" was now a waste of energy? What ever , it was wonderful to know her the last 2 yrs of her life.  She had a point that she was feeling pretty good, we packed up the car and went on a road trip.(2 weeks) I will never forget seeing her in the back seat with my babes cuddled around her. It made my H and I cry that night.  My H saw a side of his mother he never had before.

  A beautiful, kind loving woman so different than the one he grew up with.   I am glad that our memories of her are of this woman, not the pre cancer mil.

  I took from that experience this,   If you are an evil "B".... OR... people tell you that you are,  Don‘t wait for something like cancer to open your eyes.  Stop being a Biotch.... NOW !

 If goodness exist in you let others experience it.

   She is a guest in your home and she must treat you with respect. You are the lady of your home. 

I have lerned alot since comin to this site.

 Lettting someone be unkind to you for no reason other than you married a family member is not ok. Inlaws are no exception. If they treat us unkind then they need not be part of our lives.  Husband or Mother n law...no difference. I don‘t care who she gave birth to. If she cannot be on her best behavior while in your home and your H cannot get thru to her,  Tell her the stress is too much , you love her     but she can stay in a hotel.

I gave birth to my boys, that is not a free pass to hurt the woman they love. Just the opposite!! I should show her the same love that I give to my sons. I hope that my boys will always protect their wives and stand up to anyone that causes them unprovoked pain.

  My mom and H get along fine. She has lerned over the years to mind her P‘s and Q‘s.     She and I have been thru alot together and have a respectful relationship now.  We both value eachother as grown women.