WomanSavers.com Forum / GENERAL / guy needs help with major moral dilemma

how about if you just approach your sister with a simple question about his behavior. she knows him best.

ask her if she thinks maybe his is an "overly friendly" type of guy. and wait for her answer.

if  she hasn‘t got a clue, gently explain you are getting a "vibe" from him, saying nothing about anything major he‘s done, yet.

give her a hint and leave it for now.

then tell him if he doesn‘t stop, you will lay it all out for his wife, your sister.

Yes - I agree with the others.  I think I would tell her.

Be prepared to be the bad guy.  Be prepared for him to not only lie, but blame you for it, and most likely do everything in the book to alienate the two of you, and to say that you were hitting on him.

Too bad that she is married to him.  She may feel an obligation to make the marriage work, and you can bet that he will always be a  lying sleazebag hitting on other women.

You will have to be very strong. 

I am sorry that you were put in such a difficult situation.

I had this samething happen,  my sisters (now EX) hit on me,   I never told her,  but I shut his ass up and I did it good too.

I Told him if he every so much as laid one finger on me again,  he would be wearing his balls as a necklace. 

I do regrett not telling my sister,  but at the time  it didn‘t feel right.

If you don‘t have your sister‘s back.....who will?

If he hit on you, then you know he will hit on someone who isn‘t family.  just a matter of time before the jackass cheats on her.

Why would your sister husband hit you ?

You mean like a joke, or he just punched you ?

I can understand your reluctance to tell your sister. I have 3 sisters and mentally, in order to answer this question, I put myself in your shoes. It would be very difficult to tell her. I might second guess myself several times, wondering if somehow I misinterpreted a word or touch,  before ultimately telling her what happened, but I would tell her.

I think, given the fact that it‘s the right thing to do anyway, that instead of wondering if you should tell her, you should be asking yourself how you will tell her  It‘s definitely a delicate matter, and yes, she could get angry with you, but ask yourself this. What is worse? To face her possible anger/disbelief/mistrust/alienation -or- find out in a few years that your beloved sister is dying of aids because this jackass that can‘t keep it in his pants picked it up off some sleeze he slept with? How would you feel knowing you could have prevented that? My guess is that your guilt would haunt you long after she is in the ground.

She may NOT believe you. Then again, maybe she has seen the signs herself and just needs someone she loves and trusts to tell her that her suspicions are correct. Who can do that if not family? If a friend of mine came to me with this I might suspect she was just hot for my hubby, but family?? No.

 Tell her. I hope you pick up the phone right now and make a date for coffee with her alone so you can break the news. Do it gently but make sure she knows every word that was said and every action he took. She will likely confront him , and he will very probably deny it, but at least you did the right thing. I hope the fact that you are a man and he hit on you isn‘t what is keeping you from telling her.  That should be the last thing that affects whether or not she is informed.

Tell him he has one week to tell his wife he hit on you or you will tell her.  Then tell your sister is he does not.

Will your sister believe you?  Probably not, because he is going to put the blame on you.

What exactly happened?

Good idea, but be careful with this approach. Hubby has the advantage of turning it around.

" That crazy brother of yours has a crush on me! I just joke around with him and he thinks I‘m hot for him! What‘s up with that?!"

He doesnt tell her about what he did and goes on about his business.  When she is informed by you she thinks her husband is right and you have a crush on him...

If you take this approach make sure you tell her when you gave him the ultimatum. If he told her something to this affect to cover his ass after you gave him the ultimatum then she might be able to see through his bullcorn. Then again, she might take it as her husband being right about you having a crush on him and taking things too seriously. Just seems more straightforward and less dramatic to come out and tell her yourself. This fool deserves no time to think his way out of the little hole he dug by hitting on his wifes sibling.

Just be careful. You know  your sister better than any of us do. We will be here for you.

and I agree.. what exactly happened? I‘m sitting here picturing you getting cornered at a party and him whispering dirty things he wants to do to you in your ear while you cringe uncomfortably.

I think shally meant to be honest in the sense that he tell his sister everything. To not hide or "dress down" anything to spare her feelings. Not to nervously beat around the bush also. That‘s what I took it as anyway.