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| Dignity |
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Posted: 3/12/2010 4:17 PM |
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Subject: new to all this |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 4
Total Posts: 4
any
California
United States
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Hi. I‘m new. I posted on Catch a Cheater but then thought I should have posted here first. (sorry, rookie forum person). My history is he cheated with prostitutes when my kids were little (still not sure how long!). We spent zillions on therapists. I come from a broken home and didn‘t want my kids to suffer what I did. However, I have suffered all these years (17 yrs since I found out). Since then, I found...my son found...a stash of about 30 DVDs in his car. Confronted, more therapy. I only have a few months til all my kids are gone and to college. In the meantime, he spends alot of time (even one of his friends mentioned that he is constantly looking at his phone) on his phone. I have phone records and it shows alot of internet use but I need to know what he‘s looking at. Have any of you ever used anything on a phone that lets you see internet use on his phone? I am so worried about buying some scam thing over the internet.
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| shally |
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Posted: 3/12/2010 8:42 PM |
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Subject: new to all this |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 3
.gif)
Total Posts: 2420
sitting pretty on
Isle of Man
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Post anywhere you like. 
Sorry for what brings you here.
About the phone. While he sleeps take it, turn it off hide it and in the morning after he leaves for work go through it or take it from him and lock yourself in the bathroom.
Or you could just decide that enough is enough and walk away.
How long has it been since you had a STD panel done?
I am sickened by what he has put you through all these years. I know you have kids, but you, why did you personally stay? No one deserves to be treated the way you have been treated. I can just imagine what your life has been like and my heart goes out to you.
Be careful if it is a business phone, you put anything on that phone and you could be in serious trouble. He‘s not worth you sitting in jail. Of course if it were me and that phone was driving me crazy. I‘d drop it down the garbage disposal, then seriously start imagining what your life would be like without him. Dream. Dream big!
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| Dignity |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 5:59 PM |
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Subject: new to all this |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 4
Total Posts: 4
any
California
United States
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Thanks so much. I think your idea of taking it is a really good one. Then he could go off to work fretting about the whereabouts of his phone and I will have uninterupted time to look at it.
I guess I‘ve stayed because I didn‘t want my kids to live what I did with no father. I figured it‘s best to just suck up my hurt and hide his use of porn. Also, I thought it was just better to not say anything about how we really only have sex every few months. I guess I do need an STD panel. Haven‘t had one since I found out years ago.
I found out the name of his first pet so I can get into this email acct that I never knew he had.
It‘s such a waste of time to do all this. I have to though because he will make it look like I was in the wrong when all I‘ve done is helped my kids and created a business so I can help financially.
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| shally |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 7:48 PM |
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Subject: new to all this |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 3
Total Posts: 2420
sitting pretty on
Isle of Man
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Are you afraid of what he‘ll say to your kids?
If your kids are older I‘d bet they have an idea something isn‘t right with him. Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for.
Your life wasn‘t wasted. Don‘t ever think that. you raised your kids, filled them with love and you lived your life through them. It was your choice.
But at some point you have to think about you, put you first. That isn‘t being selfish, it‘s about honoring your life. Wouldn‘t you just love to be free to make choices for you that don‘t concern - what is he going to do next or trying to figure out how you will live through his next ‘adventure‘.
When you do get that phone, you can never prepare yourself for what you may see. It will be devastating if your fears are real. I‘ll be praying for you, you won‘t be alone, may He wrap you in His loving arms and allow you to feel you are loved beyond measure.
What are your hopes and dreams. Minus him. Are your kids almost grown?
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| tula1969 |
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Posted: 3/14/2010 5:54 PM |
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Subject: new to all this |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 39
Total Posts: 1432
Under an UMBRELLA, England
Great Britain
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| Dignity wrote: | |
Thanks so much. I think your idea of taking it is a really good one. Then he could go off to work fretting about the whereabouts of his phone and I will have uninterupted time to look at it.
I guess I‘ve stayed because I didn‘t want my kids to live what I did with no father. I figured it‘s best to just suck up my hurt and hide his use of porn. Also, I thought it was just better to not say anything about how we really only have sex every few months. I guess I do need an STD panel. Haven‘t had one since I found out years ago.
I found out the name of his first pet so I can get into this email acct that I never knew he had.
It‘s such a waste of time to do all this. I have to though because he will make it look like I was in the wrong when all I‘ve done is helped my kids and created a business so I can help financially.
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Dignity,
Just read your post. Feel massively for you.
You say about sucking it up for the kids but I‘d just like to add that we misenterpret and misjudge our kids bigtime. From my own experience I know that what I tried to hide, blag and block from my own daughter during my abusive marriage was so, so off key! She was aware of it all!!!
Infact its only now that she is older that she has been able to share with me how angry she felt that I tried to "hood-wink" her!!! She would now insist that I almost kind of insulted her intelligence as to what was going on and all the time I believed I was trying to safe-guard and protect her. Like I would have all my life.We should never underestimate our little people.
I also think you should get checked for STD‘s, I feel for you from the bottom of my heart. I too grew up in a dysfunctional home, know too well what the consequences of that has us as human beings regarding our self-worth and self-esteem. We question ourselves simultaneously, countless times and always think we are to blame for the mis-fortunes that cross our lives.
Dignity, you owe it to yourself and your kids to get the help you need to recognise that you are a totally wholesome and worthy person in your own right............... what he does and says is of no importance! Counselling did it for me, still does and to this day, I swear by it.............. call her "my guru". I pray you do something loving and constructive for your self sweetie
SEEK A SECOND OPINION, HIS ANI‘T WORTH JACK!!!!
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| malarkey marie |
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Posted: 3/18/2010 4:27 AM |
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Subject: new to all this |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 500
Total Posts: 804
Vatican city
Finland
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Dignity, own your name.
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