WomanSavers.com Forum / GENERAL / Fell off the wagon big time

For those who‘ve seen my thread about sleeping with guys right away, I‘m embarassed that after a little over a year long abstinence from messing around with guys I fell off the wagon and how. I just returned several days ago from the British Isles and was with 6 men while there on a near month long stay, and almost went to bed with another half dozen more. I‘m not really sure why I did it - I think it was a combination of factors - that I was so far away and let loose, the strong need for physical contact after not having any for so long, and maybe what‘s more, I went through an emotional tailspin from the last guy I was with who was from the British Isles, an English cad, so maybe this was my way of ‘getting back‘ at him in my mind, by sleeping with numerous guys from his neck of the world.

With the sole exception of one guy I only know the first names of the men (and I don‘t know the name of one of them) and I‘ll never see them again even if I wanted to as there would be no way of ever ‘tracking‘ them down. The only bright spot is the one guy who gave me his address and mobile number and who I‘ve since contacted and is open to seeing me again when I return early next year, although who knows men being men he could change his mind, but it‘s a start I suppose - from the several hours we were together I liked him and he seems to really like me.

I guess what I‘m saying is that when you think you‘re being careful and have abstained sometimes that‘s when you‘re at your most vulnerable and in a risky situation. That you‘re ripe for a fall after such a drought, I guess like a person who gorges themself after starving. Or like a recovering addict who binges after a period of abstinence. It‘s really stupid and I knew better to have put myself at risk of international pregnancy and stds but the need for companionship if only temporary and physical closeness was too strong.

 [quote]i guess what I‘m saying is that when you think you‘re being careful and have abstained sometimes that‘s when you‘re at your most vulnerable and in a risky situation. That you‘re ripe for a fall after such a drought, I guess like a person who gorges themself after starving. Or like a recovering addict who binges after a period of abstinence. It‘s really stupid and I knew better to have put myself at risk of international pregnancy and stds but the need for companionship if only temporary and physical closeness was too strong.[/quote]

Sounds like some serious rationalizations to me.1 or 2 maybe....but 6? What stopped you from adding to that number?

I wouldn‘t feel ashamed or embarrassed so much,(maybe concerned that I was sex addicted and just broke free from a long bought of sexual anoexia)...I‘d feel SCARED SHITLESS that I had contracted some disease!

Did you say you put yourself at risk for pregnancy and stds?Whoa.6 men AND unprotected sex?

I don‘t see a major moral dilemna here, as how I feel about casual sex isn‘t the issue,(not for me)but I do see a major health risk.Run..don‘t walk and get tested and HOPE that your little "revenge" f*cking didn‘t wind up back firing in your face.

This is NOT the day and age to be having unprotected sex with a multitude of strangers,month long vacation or not!!!!!!!!!!

I can see how you might fall of the "abstinence wagon" but I can‘t see allowing untested sperm into your body without thought.

You must have been DRUNK at the time(s)..no?

If you did all this SOBER....then I‘d say you have some issues to work on in regards to self respect and self preservation.

And again.....who you sleep with and how many isn‘t the issue really.It‘s why you wouldn‘t PROTECT yourself, at least from pregnancy and STD‘s!

Funny thing...you didn‘t need to ‘confess" to this and set yourself up here for judgement..........Do you want someone to judge you or punish you with words for some reason?

I can just see the "S" word rearing it‘s ugly head soon.

I must admit...what you did was pretty extreme and dangerous to say the least.

raven...like wisdum said you may get criticism for this. you probably know how critical we can be with each other.

i guess all i have are questions:

why not just 1 instead of 6?

if you knew you were vulnerable how come you kept doing it?

it does make me wonder if there something inside of you that somehow had you doing this and even though you told us here there is something about what you wrote that makes me think it is not something you are very proud of too.

i especially hope you get checked by your doctor.

just curious....if this were a story about a guy doing this, wouldn‘t he be considered a ‘dog‘?

guys have been posted on Rate-A-Guy for less.

don‘t get me wrong, not slamming you as if it was just casual sex, I don‘t see the problem.

Just thinking this is the kind of thing men get slammed for all the time.

Busty, no I have not yet been to my ob/gyn but I will soon, I just hope I don‘t have some dreaded disease. Wisdum, what happened with the other guys I ended up not going to bed with was circumstances like in the instance with one of these guys there was a coach I had to be on to go to another city and had I not gone on it to be with him I would‘ve had to make other arrangements to get there. With another guy he was a worker at a pub and he and the bartender wanted a threesome with me after they got off from work but I got bored waiting around and left and went back to my hotel. With this other guy he was with a couple of friends at the hotel bar and they were waiting for their taxi to go who knows where and he wanted me to come with them but I didn‘t know how ‘reliable‘ he‘d be (where they‘d be going, how I‘d get back, if in time). Yes, I put myself at risk for pregnancy/stds and I shouldn‘t be but I‘m still surprised by how many guys don‘t give a damn or don‘t care about wearing condoms when they‘re with a strange woman - one of the men, the one whose name I don‘t know, I just know he‘s originally from Swansea and is in the insurance business and his friends/associates referred to him as "Walesey" (sp?) when I brought up condoms said to me "I don‘t have AIDS, do you?" in an amused way and we pretty much ended up not using them as they kept slipping off (he warned me they wouldn‘t fit, he was too big). Another guy took the condom off and he said he didn‘t like condoms when I asked him about it. The guy who I am in touch with had no problem with using condoms but there wasn‘t enough so at first we ended up reusing them and then just dispensing with them altogether.

Preceeding all these situations yes I did drink but I can‘t use that as an excuse really because I was never that drunk where I didn‘t know what I was doing, I just had like a couple of half/small Guinesses, an Irish coffee, and/or some red wine and that‘s it.

I guess it was just a matter of time as to why all this happened - I‘ve always had issues with my self esteem and self worth especially when it comes to men due to issues going back to my father, basing and validating myself on them and I guess after being especially heartbroken and ditched by the last guy and not having any for over a year this is what happened as a result for me. I know what I did was self destructive even at the time but I just detached myself from it, but now that I‘m back home I‘m worried about the possible consequences and will be very thankful if everything‘s ok and will try my damndest to not be so knowingly stupid and reckless again.  I‘ve told my mother some of what happened and she thought it was sickening and disgusting, but I haven‘t told her I was careless with protection - if she knew that she‘d be fit to be tied.

Awww....Ravenlady....

I wonder why you are even risking being reamed a new one here.It‘s really none of anyone‘s business what you did.

And this is the last place to admit to something like this.

Wisdum

I may get yelled at for this but I think your  nasty!

Like shell said why 6 and not 1?

Hmmm, wonder how many are married or have girlfriends who HE and YOU put at risk?

Kudos to you for saying it Star!!

I agree!!  That is nasty.  You didn‘t even know these men.

Get to the doctor and get checked for STD.  Then get to a counselor because  you have issues.

I bet so

I bet so

Funnily enough...I finally have something I agree with Sunny on........TROLL!!!

Frankly....it all sounds like a COCK and BULL story to me.

I mean puhleeeeeeeeease.......

My reply is assuming this is a real story.

It is not the sex...It‘s a way to get what you‘re missing emotionally...it cures it for about as long as the sex lasts...It‘s like a rollercoaster.....you‘re level...then you go way up...then further down than where you started...

You need to seek proffessional help for emotional problems...

And PLEASE go get tested. If you don‘t get something from this...I‘d be surprised...

For those who think I‘m making this up, I could give you my flight numbers and all the hotels/itinerary but then I could also be making all that up, right? Why exactly do you think I‘m making all this up? Because things like this could only happen in movies or books or something and never happens in real life? Or that when it does a person would never dream of posting about it? Well, it all did happen, and what I‘ve posted isn‘t all of it, if I was to post the details of everything that did happen then those who think I‘m fabricating all this would more so not believe it. For instance, the first guy I was with I was walking looking for a pub (my hotel was located in a surbuban neighborhood type area - Kensington Close, London) and he picked me up like a prostitute and after he drove around and we found a good pub we drove around a bit more and found some kind of park, parked there and did it in the car like silly teenagers. I should mention that this guy was much older than me, I‘d say in his 50‘s, I could tell that his ‘real life‘ was very respectable from the way he looked and the car he drove (BMW), he mentioned that he was in banking/finance. I only knew him as James who said he is an Australian but relocated to London for his job. I think he could be married, and he did say something about being discreet. I only know for sure that the guy who took off the condom is married and he did have a wedding ring on, he told me "I‘m married, do you mind that?" I only know him as Sam from Dublin and we met in Killarney outside a pub called the Laurels smoking and he chatted me up and we went back to his hotel at the Killarney Plaza but we groped around and made out heavily in the hotel bar first, I was worried we‘d get kicked out but he said since the place was empty that wouldn‘t happen and he seemed to know what he was talking about and experienced in the matter and he obviously was right because the bartender/staff saw everything and turned a blind eye and then he took me into the ladies room and wanted to do it in there, took his penis out but I felt like lying down so he took me to back his room, I still remember it was 309, right by the elevator. I remember thinking he‘s acting far from married and if I was his wife and I knew what he was doing he‘d be in the doghouse, and in fact at that pub we met at he was already chatting up these two girls but they went back inside and he turned his attention to me so he was obviously a man on the make.

I can see how it seems fake, so many men, I admit I was out looking to be picked up and deliberately put myself out there. On top of the reasons I‘ve mentioned for this, I also needed the false validation of the ego boost after being like a nun for over a year. A woman I chatted with thought I was crazy when I told her some of what I did, like getting into strange man‘s car, but I told her and thought to myself what are the chances of running into a Ted Bundy type or rapist? I know I was taking a lot of chances going off with strange men but I needed to feel wanted and desired after so long that I didn‘t care and was willing to take chances.

"I know I was taking a lot of chances going off with strange men but I needed to feel wanted and desired after so long that I didn‘t care and was willing to take chances."

What do you expect to gain here besides judgement?

 "and then he took me into the ladies room and wanted to do it in there, took his penis out but I felt like lying down so he took me to back his room, I still remember it was 309, right by the elevator. I remember thinking he‘s acting far from married and if I was his wife and I knew what he was doing he‘d be in the doghouse, and in fact at that pub we met at he was already chatting up these two girls but they went back inside and he turned his attention to me so he was obviously a man on the make."

Oh boy...here we go now! This is a place where wives have come because they were cheated on and you are really asking for it by telling this story here of all places.

I have my own opinion about who‘s fault it is that married men cheat...but not everyone agree‘s that you if it wasn‘t you it would have been one of those other girls.

I wish you alot of luck defending yourself now.

Peace out.

Kitty I have read about that,  it is very sad. 

Which is why I said,  get checked and get help.  Just incase she isn‘t a troll.  Safty First.  always just a condom..  (can you tell I have 2 boys  I left condoms in there rooms, cars and in the bathroom cabinets) hahahaha    

If  we are  soooo  bad why are you here?  I feel the comments to her have been truthful and blunt,  it doesn‘t get much better then that.