WomanSavers.com Forum / GENERAL / Sleeping with guys right away - opinions?

I‘ve made the mistake, or what I view as mistake, of sleeping with guys pretty right away after knowing them, and after that they were gone like the wind, lost interest. Now I‘ve heard from lots of guys and even some women who say that it doesn‘t matter how soon you sleep together, that if they‘re into you as a person having sex right away won‘t change that, and in fact that they‘d rather know right away if they‘re sexually compatible instead of wasting time weeks or months down the road with someone who they‘re not in tune with between the sheets.

I now think that it complete and utter bs. I think that a lot of guys claim (lie) that it doesn‘t matter if a girl goes to bed with them soon because they just don‘t want to wait (and probably spend any more money dating her than they have to) and the women who agree with that philosophy because they can‘t wait too for whatever reasons - sexually driven and or emotionally vulnerable. As for the sexual compatability thing, we all know that being great sexually with someone is just part of the picture, that great sex doesn‘t always equal great together out of bed. And some people have said that waiting is better because when you‘re bonded emotionally the sex can never be bad.

All I know that it sure is a funny coincidence that guys who were supposedly into me suddently weren‘t into me after the conquest, if they were even if the sex didn‘t rock their socks off I don‘t think they‘d drop me or any woman like a hot potato so fast. They just got what they wanted without really having to earn or invest much. Sure we hear from women who say that they had sex right away and it lasted but if that were so common then there wouldn‘t be so many women complaining about being ditched, ignored after the sex.

hi raven...i think its always kind of hard to tell when the right time is with a guy. i do believe being "into you" is one thing and having a relationship is another. to me the physical things need to be after i know we have a relationship and we all just know that for guys a relationship isnt needed. sex is part of the relationship after i know the guy wants to be with me cuz of what he sees in my heart....what i believe in...how i am everyday....and things i worry about. i need to know the same things about him and need to see it in his life. i think this takes alot of time.

just my thoughts.

Not all guys are like that.  I prefer not to sleep on the first date, hell, not even the 2nd or 3rd.

If someone I took on a first date wants to bed me down that night, while on one hand I‘d be highly flattered, but on the other, I‘d have to wonder how many other guys she has boffed on the first date.

So honestly, it would be a turn off for me and so far I haven‘t had anyone that tried to get amorous with me on the first date.  And thats just fine with me.  I like it that way.  I want to know I‘m not just another first date lay in a long line of them.

It completely depends on the guy...Alot of men ARE turned off by this...like Mr. TB because they‘re scared it‘s a habit...while others it just brings intamacy with...and that can create a stronger bond...I don‘t think there is a right or wrong answer for this...it just depends on your comfort level...and the guy who you‘re with..I think it‘s a personal choice for everyone...

My worry is how many STD‘s there are out there....since we have to be more careful these days...we should be more choosy and always practice safe sex.

My personal feeling is that you shouldn‘t sleep with somebody that you don‘t love.

I know I am old fasion  but casual sex is over rated in my book.   There are women you screw and then there are women you marry.  Which one do you want to be?

Again, this is only my opinion.

We have an advert that runs on my local radio station over here, it makes me cringe everytime I hear it..

Goes something like some 20 something year old girl called Sarah telling her BFF that she slept with so and so last night... goes on to then say she doesnt know if she‘ll see him again, blah blah blah...ends with her saying she wished she‘d used a condom.

Comentator then adds that " Sarah doesnt know it but last night she also shagged Lisa White, Mary Jones, Linda Black and so and so on.

Personally if some guy thought he was going to bed me on the first night, he‘d be a big turn off.

Armande Assante might just be my only exception to this rule of mine :)

And Sunny I have always loved Armande Assante since I saw him in 1989, on the bloody TV so that counts!!!

It depends on whether or not you‘re sleeping with a mature person.

70% of the women I have dated I slept with before we considered ourselves a couple.  Half of those women I dated for over a year, completely faithful.  I‘ve never slept with someone I didn‘t date for at least 4 months.

I‘m attracted to inner beauty.  Physical appeal is a marginal bonus to me, but inner beauty includes taking care of oneself.

That‘s so refreshing to hear Wire.

You‘re a good guy...inner beauty is what keeps us engaged...outer looses it‘s luster pretty quick.

Raven - I agree with you.  It has been many years since I dated.  The kiss of death to most relationships is to sleep with the guy too soon.

My feeling is - make ‘em work for it.  Get to know the guy out of the bed - for a while - before you decide whether he‘s worth taking your clothes off for.

I think people are much too casual about sex these days.

I had an unfortunate habit of falling in love with the men I slept with.  I found it worked a lot better if I didn‘t make myself so vulnerable when trying to get to know someone. 

Dating is the pits.  It‘s why I don‘t do it.  Too many rules, too many expectations, too many disappointments, too many jerks, LOL!

I‘ll hang with my horses instead!

i agree with rhiannon.

there are much more important things to do.

Thank you for all your opinions......because of my experiences you could say it has done a psychological and emotional number on me, demolishing my esteem, I mean after all I don‘t think anybody cares to be rejected esp when it gets personal (sex) and you feel like you are no longer of any use to them because they got what they wanted and are off - probably to the next woman. I really think that guys, well at least some of them, view women they get soon like a kid with a shiny new toy - fun to play with but since they got it easily and without any blood, sweat and tears they get bored and lose interest right away and want the next new toy.

All of this had made me cynical and I‘m kind of on ‘two minds‘ on this - I think it‘s a wise thing and what I‘ve been doing is to make guys wait because the ones who are only after a bedpost notch will move on. But it‘s hard because although in general guys weakness is that they want and need sex, I think women, at least this woman (me) are much worse off because we crave love and companionship, and guys know this and exploit it (not all guys of course but many of them). But on the other hand sometimes I get to thinking that since the guy will ditch me after we get intimate anyway then I‘m going to get him to spend as much money and gifts on me as I can get so I won‘t be left without anything except feeling used (and no I‘m not a gold digger or poor but I just feel like I‘ve been getting a raw deal). The thing that gets me is when the guys make promises but were just lying through their teeth saying whatever they had to to get what they want.

I‘m not saying that I think women are golddiggers.  I‘m not saying there aren‘t women out there who are honest, self-reliant and really good in bed to boot.  I‘m not even saying there aren‘t women out there who don‘t care about a man‘s resources at all.

I‘m simply pointing out something.  Sex has been used all throughout history as a tool to gain tactical advantage by women.  Since that is a very specific subject (choosing whether or not to sleep with a man based on biologically unrelated criteria), it might be worth asking if there is a connection between that and the issue we‘re talking about now, holding out for the Right One.

I think there is and it is worth noticing.