WomanSavers.com Forum / GENERAL / Sleeping with guys right away - opinions?

shally wrote:

shelbelle wrote: why men come to a site for physically and emotionally abused women and post a mans point of view on a thread where a woman is trying to understand herself ....is just way beyond me. Shell sweetie....

hiya shally

im sorry if i was wrong in my posts on this thread. i guess i just reacted cuz some of the posts just didnt seem to support her.

In my experience, having sex too soon can create a false sense of intimacy. You are connecting on a physical level before emotional/intellectual connections are established. This often leads to disappointment & hurt for someone (usually the woman, but sometimes for the man too).

When he doesn‘t call after a night of passion, it can really fvck you up.

Some women can "fvck like men," as they say, enjoy the sexual experience & not expect anything more. I can‘t do that. I‘ve tried "fvcking like a man" and I can‘t do it. My genitals are connected to my heart, and I can‘t sleep with a guy more than a couple times without developing feelings for him.

Thru trial & error and a lot of heartache, I have learned not to set myself up for more pain. I want to get to know the man before I have sex with him. I am a precious being, and I don‘t give myself away on a whim.

I wish more young women would think about that.

UB

shally wrote:

shelbelle wrote: shally wrote: shelbelle wrote: why men come to a site for physically and emotionally abused women and post a mans point of view on a thread where a woman is trying to understand herself ....is just way beyond me. Shell sweetie.... hiya shally im sorry if i was wrong in my posts on this thread. i guess i just reacted cuz some of the posts just didnt seem to support her. Shell, you post what you think and feel any damn time you want. Being assertive is what matters. Standing up for what you believe in is important. Expressing yourself whenever wherever you damn well please. Remember your opinion is just as important as the next persons. I was only stating that WS loves nice guys, because we do. Right?

nice men are yum!

i love your description shally of when a man loves us.

wire....shally says your a nice guy and she knows better about those things. so i was left with trying to understand my reaction to your post cuz i am not a man hater at all.

the last post you made yesterday really made me think about this balanced perspective thing. i thought about it all day and then something happened at work last night helped me understand my reaction.

its like sometimes we can help by giving a whole different perspective but sometimes the most helpful thing is to help someone within there own perspective. i will try to explain.

i am a hostess in a pretty fancy restaurant. all i do is greet people and show them their reserved seats and then when they leave check to make sure that everything was fine.

last night i asked a couple as they were leaving how their meal was. the man said things were alright but that he just cant find anyone to cook his prime rib like he wants it. he said he had to send it back for another one. he said our cooks need to learn to cook to customer order.

if i was gonna say something that is just my experience hoping to give them a different perspective from my experience so they could see things different i could have said something like:

"let me tell you of customers that come in here and complain. i have had a woman that said the scent in the ladies made her allergies flare up. i have gotten complaints that the oyster rockafeller plate was to hot (even though they are warned). i even had a customer complain that they found a bread crumb on the white linen table cloth! sometimes customers complain cuz they hope they get a free dinner or so they dont have to pay as much. with customers you just cant please everyone."

it would be balanced cuz they complained to me and i complained to them about customers complaining. they gave their perspective and i gave mine.

if i was gonna help them see things different i had to keep in there perspective and go from there:

i told them that it is so important to have meals cooked exactly the way our customers need it. of course he and his wife nodded their heads. i asked them how the rest of their meal was and they said it was very good. i asked them how the waiter made it up to them for their inconvenience and they said he brought them a complimentary bottle of wine. i asked what kind of wine was it and he said it was an australian shiraz. i asked if they favored red wines and he said he did and his wife said she liked white wines. i told them that we dont usually do this but if they had a few minutes i could show them the best wine cellar in north carolina and asked if they were interested. they were very interested so i got the owner to take them in the cellar for a tour. while they were in the cellar they saw the complimentary wine they had and were astonished that it was a 50 dollar bottle.

they came back feeling like they were treated very special and said they were going to tell others about the immense wine collection.

wire...i guess what i reacted to is like assuming giving a balanced perspective is always helpful. i just dont think it is. sometimes giving thoughts within someones perspective actually helps way more.

that is what i was reacting to and im sorry it took me so long to explain

I came here when google searching long ago when I was going through my crap with a cheating wife before divorcing her.

I saw something written(cannot remember what or who now) from one of the rare resident hypocrites at this site and wanted to respond.  DISCLAIMER: what I mean by that is I found out most of the women here are great! and very few were here complaining about triflin‘ men, when they themselves weren‘t any better.

So I stayed, decided to keep reading what women, who claim to think nice guys finish first, had to say.

And shell......why is there a Men‘s Area?

  There can be many disputes about this topic, but what it comes down to is personal beliefe and what a woman or man deems as right for themselves.

 I personally have had encounters of every kind of genre, the - I feel used and played and all that he had wanted was sex from me- to even being the one in control of the situation. The best sex I have ever had was with men whom I knew not of their ability whether or not they found interest in me nor did I wish to keep in contact with him, I was the one in control, not wishing to see them again and letting them know my expectations are not emotional. And what made it incredible was " first impressions‘ the wanting to try and put their best foot forward between the covers.

 For anyone to to say a woman‘s worth is less because she sleeps with men on her own terms is duplicity, an whore, slut, yet in the way we are trained by society is that it‘s okay for men to have strange bed fellows, and is considered a stud.

I say this;

  " you have to do what YOU feel is right!!! And not go by other‘s standards"

But as for love? It‘s proven that LOVE is just a chemical reaction to what you feel towards a man or another significant other.

Scientists are finding that, after all, love really is down to a chemical addiction between people.

 "One chemical, oxytocin, plays an important role in romantic love as a sexual arousal hormone and makes women and men calmer and more sensitive to the feelings of others. Physical and emotional cues, processed through the brain, trigger the release of oxytocin. For example, a partner‘s voice, look or even a sexual thought can trigger its release. Attachment to someone has been linked to chemicals released from the brain known as endorphins that produce feelings of tranquility, reduced anxiety, and comfort. These chemicals are not as exciting as those released during the attraction stage, but they are more addictive and are part of what makes us want to keep being around that person we are in love with. In fact, the absence of these chemicals when we lose a loved one plays a part in why we feel so sad"

", oxytocin is this amazing chemical that floats through your blood and your brain and helps us feel love and bonds with others"

-men have a similiar chemical which bonds to others as well-

 I do not believe in the inital love reaction towards men because maybe I understand my genetics a little more and how evolution plays part into the human body. But I value more in the person and what they can teach me more than what they can provide for me I value, friendship, companionship ( unsexually) if it‘s right for that time. And I don‘t hold up expectations for men < or try not too because it‘s not fair to put so much expectations on them. How would I like to have those same expectations placed on me??? I wouldn;t feel good enough!!> I do not judge by wealth, intellect, scholary preception, because some of the most interesting men I have slept with and remained friends with ( only some) have been the not so well in the money situation,or they are struggling and I call these men worldly ( they are epxperienced), they know how to appreciate the value of things more than some who are fed with a gold spoon. It‘s in our evolutionary genes to want to pair up to keep our species going, - Not saying this is with every case- I have even slept with very wealthy men as well,( beach houses and jags) such things do not impress me one bit- obviously it didn;t seeing what i‘m married to!

 But one must look pass the materials and look deeper inside ourselves to find true happiness. 

Again each person needs to do what they feel is right on their own terms.

There is no Mr. Right. There is no Mrs. Right..so to say I am waiting for Mr. Right well only lead into horrible dissapointments and regrets later on when that man/ woman that you get involved with is not up to someone‘s expecations to the tee,. Sorry. Every man as well as every Woman has quirks and  faults and to understand this better we need to look inside ourselves and realize this before we decide to place expectaions of any kind of relationship on anyone else other than ourselves.

Again you have to follow instinct and what you deem is right for you!