| AUTHOR |
MESSAGE
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| BustyLaMoan |
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Posted: 8/25/2008 6:21 PM |
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Subject: :)- |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 81
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Total Posts: 1562
The Kings Castle
Azerbaijan
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This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It‘s PC Magazine‘s 2007 editors‘ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always‘ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I‘d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I‘d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach
in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can‘t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there‘s a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse‘? I‘m guessing you haven‘t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I‘ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.‘ Isn‘t the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you‘ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly h appens during your customer‘s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo‘. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it‘s a
tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend‘s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey‘s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that
America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive
backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.‘
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you‘re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything
‘happy‘ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don‘t march down to the local Walgreen‘s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn‘t it make more sense to say something that‘s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer‘ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong‘, or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that,
effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull****. And that‘s a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
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| nikkie |
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Posted: 8/25/2008 6:34 PM |
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Subject: :)- |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 134
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Total Posts: 128
None of your F'g Business
Canada
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| BustyLaMoan wrote: | This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It‘s PC Magazine‘s 2007 editors‘ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always‘ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I‘d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I‘d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach
in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can‘t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there‘s a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse‘? I‘m guessing you haven‘t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I‘ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.‘ Isn‘t the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you‘ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly h appens during your customer‘s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo‘. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it‘s a
tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend‘s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey‘s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that
America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive
backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.‘
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you‘re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything
‘happy‘ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don‘t march down to the local Walgreen‘s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn‘t it make more sense to say something that‘s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer‘ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong‘, or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that,
effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull****. And that‘s a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX |
 where do you find these Busty? That was hilarious - absolutely hilarious
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| BustyLaMoan |
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Posted: 8/25/2008 6:48 PM |
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Subject: :)- |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 81
Total Posts: 1562
The Kings Castle
Azerbaijan
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I just love a good rant!!!
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| learning |
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Posted: 8/25/2008 6:57 PM |
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Subject: :)- |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 4
Total Posts: 165
Around the Corner
Nebraska
United States
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I love it! It sounds very much like something I would write. This made my day! Thank you, Busty!
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| nikkie |
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Posted: 8/25/2008 8:25 PM |
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Subject: :)- |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 134
Total Posts: 128
None of your F'g Business
Canada
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i agree - this totally made my day - thank you busty
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| goldie3 |
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Posted: 8/25/2008 9:52 PM |
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Subject: :)- |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 41
Total Posts: 193
all over
Oregon
United States
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well i was having a nice crappy day til that.
now i‘m rolling on the floor laughing! thanks busty!
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| tula1969 |
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Posted: 8/26/2008 3:29 AM |
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Subject: :)- |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 39
Total Posts: 750
Under an UMBRELLA, England
Wake Island
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Brilliant!!!
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| lorrie |
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Posted: 8/26/2008 4:52 AM |
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Subject: :)- |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 7
Total Posts: 7816
georgetown
Cayman Islands
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| BustyLaMoan |
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Posted: 8/26/2008 7:07 AM |
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Subject: :)- |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 81
Total Posts: 1562
The Kings Castle
Azerbaijan
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| Tiredmomma |
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Posted: 8/26/2008 7:39 AM |
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Subject: :)- |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 38
Total Posts: 1922
Right over here
Texas
United States
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I LOVE WENDY!!
Have a happy period? my ass. What a wonderful letter!
TM
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| 2mom72 |
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Posted: 8/26/2008 2:10 PM |
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Subject: :)- |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 35
Total Posts: 119
The Boonies
Missouri
United States
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Damn it Busty!!! I‘m at work with all guys. How am I gonna expain the maniacal laughter while rolling on the floor holding my guts in as soda pop soaks into my keyboard without getting fired!!!! just kidding (about the getting fired part) LOVE IT!!!
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| legion1177 |
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Posted: 8/27/2008 12:33 AM |
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Subject: :)- |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 2
Total Posts: 186
Half Crazy
Cayman Islands
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