WomanSavers.com Forum / GENERAL / 25-Year-Old Demon...

Learning...

WOW...what a sad story. In reading it, I was thinking several things. Was there drinking involved when the accident occured (you were teenagers)?? I can imagine that he felt HORRIBLE for what happened to you...but to KILL HIMSELF....???? I have to wonder if he (as a teenager) had issues (drinking/drugs), or troubles at home with his parents...??? It was deplorable for his friends to blame you...but...now that you are older and wiser, I am sure that you can see that they were just young teenagers themselves. For this guy to call you now (as an adult), tells me that he looks at the past situation in a different light because he is no longer young and dumb. That said....I still would NOT return the call, or have anything to do with him. Not because of what he did when he was younger, but because I think it would constantly bring up BAD memories for you. Let the past stay in the past.

BTW....do NOT blame yourself....you were only a teenager yourself....HE CHOSE THE PATH HE TOOK. I have had a suicide in my family too. I have learned to look at it as....the person was obviously mentally ill. You DO NOT contemplate or fulfill that option otherwise.

Please DO NOT BE SAD....

Thinking of you....much love

Eves

No problem Learning...that‘s what we are here for....help, understanding, and friendship. I am glad to hear that there was No drinking involved at the time of the accident. Alot of teenage accidents happen because of stuff like that. I was not referring to you when I said DO NOT contemplate that act...I was referring to people in general. A person DOES NOT contemplate or actually commit suicide UNLESS they are MENTALLY ILL. That is what I meant. It took me a long time to look at it in that light. When it happened in my family, I was EXTREMELY MAD at the person that did it. I was sooooo pissed and thought they were incredibly selfish. Guess what..THEY ARE!! And I have come to learn that it is becuase when they are in that frame of mind, they are SICK, and thinking of NO ONE but themselves. You cannot take it personally...I know, pretty hard huh?? I did not come to this realization on my own...I had to get therapy to do so. I was shocked by your admission that you thought about doing it yourself. THANK GOD YOU DIDN‘T!!! Bless your good family for being there for you.

As far as that young boy....I just felt that there had to be more there than met the eye....I think he had been suffering for a long time in his home life. Between that and the accident, it was just more than he could handle. How VERY VERY sad. I have to wonder if the DAD can lay down at night and sleep?????

Luv You Lots....I am here anytime....

Eves

Learning, that‘s a heart-wrenching story.  It‘s also a quarter of a century old.  Forgive me if I‘m  wrong but I sense a resurgence of old feelings which is fine and natural, including some unresolved guilt, which is not fine.

I think this is one door best left unopened.  The young man did what he did because of the accident, not because of you.  His friends, who were supposed to be your friends as well, turned out to not be.  You were blameless and there was no reason for you to place yourself in thrall to another‘s emotional needs.  It wouldn‘t have been healthy then.  It isn‘t healthy now.

Deep breath!    

Learning, I thought over and over of what to write to you in an effort to console you, but find myself at a loss. Just...that I am very sorry.

I think you have your own healing to do and you do not need or deserve to put your energy into someone elses. What I mean by that is, that I suspect a hidden agenda behind the "friend" contacting you-namely to resolve the past. Let that person deal with that on his own. Especially because I dont believe that this person didnt feel or now remember the tragedy and sorrow. You could risk being used to "forgive" or help gloss over something that you havent yet let go of.

So, I would not go. You need to put yourself first.

If there is NO hidden agenda and he just wants to meet up, then I think he is just being plain stupid and insesitive not realizing that you might carry bad memories ("a blast from the past!?!?")

Hugs,

Yasmina

Learn  I am so sorry for your pain that you had to go threw at such a young age and now to have this old friend call you out of the blues and bring everything up again,I know the pain must be hard on you.

I myself would go have a cup of coffee with him somewhere and it might help you get over things that you have never been able to say to him and be able to move on.but as far as anything eles goes I wouldn‘t touch that.

You know we are here for you like you are here for everyone eles..