WomanSavers.com Forum / GENERAL / Tell his wife, or continue to ignore him?

yes I would tell his wife,she has the right to know what her husband is doing.Ask your self  if  it was the other way around would you want to know what was going on ?

she may want prove of what he has been doing,so if you have e-mails from him ,send them to her and dont let him know that you will be doing it.as we all know he will lie to her about it.

Since the police will do nothing under prevailing stalking laws, not even a "courtesy" warning, I would decidedly contact his wife with proof of his continued attempts to engage with you.  I‘d be very up front with her about having had a relationship with him in the past and give her proof-positive that he‘s unbalanced and obsessed.

Obviously extinguishing him won‘t work if you‘ve been totally non-responsive to him.  You can also consider going to court and trying to get a restraining order on the basis of harassment that is contrary to the peace and good order of your home and detrimental to your means of livelihood.

Put yourself in his wife‘s shoes. Would you as his wife want to know this information and his carrying on‘s like this??

I sure as hell would. If my H was trying to "hit" on someone I would want to know. Nothing worse tha being left looking like a dinlow, thinking the whole marriage was fine when it really wasn‘t. If it was all fine he would have given up long ago or not even started in the first place, PLEASE!!! not been hitting on your websites for FOUR years, countless times a day.

ASSHOLE to the max and even though you see him for the jerk he is , his wife deserves to, too

What a creep?? No threats but HIS eyes are looking elsewhere outside his marriage. A bonefide threat to his wife surely???

T

Brynn, actually, this IS stalking and if you live in Helena of Montana-you live in the US state with the most progressive anti-stalking law yet.

As-tadaa, it clearly prohibits specifically electronical as well as physical stalking.

You need to get a lawyer and force the police to help you.

If you DO tell his wife, you risk that he will turn the tables on you and accuse you of stalking HIM (no s*it, it enables the stalker to 1) harm the victim even more and 2) continue to uphold some sort of "relationship" with the victim). So be smart, dont fall into that one.

The wife will probably know about it anyway when the police contacts him.

Here is Montanas anti-stalking law:

 45-5-220. Stalking -- exemption -- penalty. (1) A person commits the offense of stalking if the person purposely or knowingly causes another person substantial emotional distress or reasonable apprehension of bodily injury or death by repeatedly:
     (a) following the stalked person; or
     (b) harassing, threatening, or intimidating the stalked person, in person or by mail, electronic communication, as defined in 45-8-213, or any other action, device, or method.
     (2) This section does not apply to a constitutionally protected activity.
     (3) For the first offense, a person convicted of stalking shall be imprisoned in the county jail for a term not to exceed 1 year or fined an amount not to exceed $1,000, or both. For a second or subsequent offense or for a first offense against a victim who was under the protection of a restraining order directed at the offender, the offender shall be imprisoned in the state prison for a term not to exceed 5 years or fined an amount not to exceed $10,000, or both. A person convicted of stalking may be sentenced to pay all medical, counseling, and other costs incurred by or on behalf of the victim as a result of the offense.
     (4) Upon presentation of credible evidence of violation of this section, an order may be granted, as set forth in Title 40, chapter 15, restraining a person from engaging in the activity described in subsection (1).
     (5) For the purpose of determining the number of convictions under this section, "conviction" means:
     (a) a conviction, as defined in 45-2-101, in this state;
     (b) a conviction for a violation of a statute similar to this section in another state; or
     (c) a forfeiture of bail or collateral deposited to secure the defendant‘s appearance in court in this state or another state for a violation of a statute similar to this section, which forfeiture has not been vacated.
     (6) Attempts by the accused person to contact or follow the stalked person after the accused person has been given actual notice that the stalked person does not want to be contacted or followed constitutes prima facie evidence that the accused person purposely or knowingly followed, harassed, threatened, or intimidated the stalked person.

Good luck to you sweetie.

Yasmina

what kind of website is it?

was he married when you "dated" him way back?

Brynn, tell his wife.  She deserves to know what he‘s up to.  I wish someone had told me, whether it was an old girlfriend of his, the OW or anyone else.  I would‘ve dumped my creepy ex many years earlier.  It would have spared me years his abuse and cheating and financial rip-offs.  

Knowing the truth about him would‘ve hurt, but not knowing hurt me much worse.  I was unprepared when I caught him cheating.  I was so shocked and angry and grief-stricken I couldn‘t think straight and focus on what was best for me.  I confronted him right away, before I‘d copied and saved the damning evidence.  That gave him time to hide or destroy most of it, and erase his and the OW‘s emails (which he saved) from his laptop.  

When/if you tell the wife I suggest you start by saying you are a former girlfriend of her husband who has information about him you thought she should know.  

Warn her that it might be hard for her to hear what you‘re about to tell her, but to please try to stay calm and not confront her husband right away.  Tell her you‘ve called the police about him.  That should get her attention!!  Advise her to keep quiet for now, for her own sake, and try to gather as much information about him as she can without letting him know, while she still has the opportunity.  This will be to her advantage. 

Make sure she looks out for her own safety.  If she confronts him too quickly it might put both of you in danger if he‘s as psycho as he seems, so ask her not to let him know you called her.  Say you‘re afraid he might retaliate, which is probably true. 

If she has her head together she‘ll take your advice and proceed quietly.   She might be angry or in denial at first, but if she‘s anything like me and most abused, betrayed wives, it won‘t take her long to process what you told her. It will add up with what she already knows or suspects about him.  The dots will connect.

I‘m sorry for what he‘s putting you through.  I‘ll bet you‘re glad you weren‘t the one who married him!   Thank you for considering the wife.  Many people don‘t, so we‘re often the last ones to learn the truth.  It‘s one of the most painful, humiliating aspects of this horrible experience.  It robs us of power, which is how the scumbag weasels want it.