WomanSavers.com Forum / GENERAL / What do you have to say about this?

Both of my very bestest friends are currently or have been the OW.

Just thought I‘d let this play out. 

I love them both. 

Do I agree with their actions and decisions?  NO

Do I still love & adore them? YES

Do I think there is a self respect... moral issue involved?  YES

Do you have someone in your inner circle that is going against all that you beleive in????

No, but I do have a girlfriend who I would like to see her have an affair.

Well, I have an alcoholic BF whose drinking behavior goes against everything I believe in.  Were it not for the fact that I love him so much, I would never be able to tolerate him.

Sometimes you can hate a behavior and still love a person.

The sober guy is a wonderful person.  That is the person I am in love with.  The problem is, that is not the person he is all the time.  Nonetheless, in spite of that, I see the beauty, the intelligence, the kindness and the loyalty that is all there.

I recognize my limitations.  I know what I can and cannot live with.  I don‘t judge him for having a disease.  He is not in denial - he knows he is an alcoholic and that his behavior is self destructive.  He is stubborn about asking for help, and I know he is never going to seek that help as long as he has someone to rescue him or enable him.  I can‘t force him to do that.  The only control I have is over my own actions.

So he is back out there.  I am not taking his calls.  I continue to pray for him.  Doing the right thing is not always easy, but it‘s necessary.

You can be there for your friends, and love them even if you don‘t agree with the choices they are making.  My friends do know that if they ask my opinion,  they will usually get the truth.  We‘re all human and we all make mistakes.  People have not always agreed with my choices, either.  But if you are "real friends" you don‘t just chuck those friendships unless those friends do something to betray you.

If I confront a friend, I usually try to do it with love.  I share  my "concerns" without telling them what to do.  Let‘s face it - we are all going to do what we want to do most of the time.  Most of us choose to learn from our own mistakes.

You can listen and share your perspective and encourage them to do the right thing.

Hiya Busty,

Thats a tricky one for sure

First off, what YOU decide is right and sits ok with/for YOU is all that matters first and foremost.

Sometimes in my mad moments of pondering, I try to fathom what makes us, us, if that makes any sense?

I have a friend whom I worked with for years in our chosen fields of employment. I respected her to the max, would have wished to have been half as talented and gifted as her. That was way back. Today she no longer works, rather has chosen to live her life with a heroin/crack addict and she recently had a child with him. I was her birth partner because her was away having a use up, getting off his face and high.

I still love her, I still enjoy her company when I do see her. If I am to be really honest here, I dont think I have as much respect for her as I did before. I dont know why exactly that is but its just the way it feels now for me. For me being her friend means that if and when she needs me, I am there, and I‘d like to think thats returned.

I suppose our thoughts/choices are influenced greatly by our own personal morals. While I would never hook up with an addict who was active in addiction, or ever forgive infidelity, I have forgiven all kinds of abuse, time after time.

Its true, we do all make mistakes, judgment of others and friends is one I wouldnt like to make too often for fear of getting it wrong. Bottom line? None of us are perfect???

Its definately a tricky one!!!

T

i have a good friend that treats her bf like like...well horrible! she always tells him what to do...what he should wear..and even if she tells him to call at a certain time if he is late she yells at him.

i dont really say anything to her. i think we just believe different about how to treat our men. we are still good friends though even though we think different about things