WomanSavers.com Forum / GENERAL / men and women just friends???????????

I beleive men and women can be friends.  As long as a woman shuts the man down and lets him know it‘s not ever gonna happen for him!  I have men friends and each and every one at one time or another has made it clear if there was a window of opportunity they‘d be glad to "go there" so to speak.  Maybe I am just precatious as I feel most men want more from women.

And Hey....................

Well at least you are honest about your issues. My mom used to tell me that jealousy is one of the most ugly emotions a person can display because what you are saying is "that person is better than I am".

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We all are human and can be wonderful human beings (some of us make a better attempt than others) but basically we are the same.

People tend to have different temperments, ideals, values and so on. So, if you want to be something or someone else-just change yourself. Make an improvement on what you feel are you deficits.

You are probably cool the way you are because he has been with you for nine years-we all have our flaws and our moments-it makes life more interesting.

But insecurity is definitely not attractive because what you are saying is "that person is better than I am".

Would you want to hear someone you love tell you that about themselves? Love you and others will too.

Sure - I believe it is quite possible for men and women to be just friends.  Happens all the time.

I think the issue is whether or not you trust your boyfriend.  Is he honest with you?  Has he ever lied to you?  Has he given you the feeling that there is more to the story than he‘s told you?  If you don‘t trust him, the relationship is in trouble.  It won‘t make any difference whether it was just a "friends" lunch or more if you don‘t trust him.

Jealousy is a sign of insecurity.  Has he given you reason to feel that way?  Or are you just afraid of losing him?  Only you can answer that question.  If he has not given you reason to be jealous, don‘t ruin your time with him with accusations.

Ask to meet the friend.  She might be just fine.  You‘ll know if there is something more from watching them.  If not, then just enjoy your relationship with him, and try to put your fears to rest.  I say don‘t borrow trouble where there isn‘t any.

If he starts acting funny, or creating distance, or your intuition tells you something isn‘t right, then pay attention.

yes and acutally rite now everything great we are close and getting along great then i found out about this lunch and freaked out and I know i cant do that it will ruin what i do share with him I think sometimes Im naive tho i wonder when everything seems ok is it really when something is going on...he says i need to work on my insecurities and jealously kills everything.. but he just told me he love me for the first time so i wondered is him saying that a sign of guilt or is it him showing me how he feels. we have been through a lot and actually for almost a year parted ways but found our way back again.. so mabey i just looking for trouble..

I would be upset to if I where you.You have been with him for 9 years and now for the first time he tells you he loves you.Something not right here.

He should have told you about going to luch with her and taken you with him And he knows this and why didn‘t he do that.If my h did this we would be fighting also.

I have good male friends and my h knows about them all and if I where to see them he would be right there with me .

to me too many things are wierd...

after 9 years he says he loves you

you live in two different places

you see a picture of him with someone he has known longer than he has known you

if you call her it is over. why wouldnt it be fine to talk to her? he like maybe wants to keep it seperate from his thing with you. this just isnt right

I agree with most everything said here.  Way too many red flags.  But my question for you is, Why are you sticking around?  Nine years, you live apart, he finally tells you he loves you.  At that pace you‘ll never get anywhere as a couple.  If he causes you that much pain, get out and go find a decent man who wants to share his life with you.

Good luck!