WomanSavers.com Forum / GENERAL / This is my story! I survived!

This is my first time here. I finally feel a relief to spell this out.

I was with Him for 11 yrs. In hindsight, of course I knew he was controlling. (Not wanting me to cut my hair, throw away my clothes and get new ones. Hated my glasses) Would NEVER call me to check in. (That went on for the full 11 years) We up and moved to another state. Away from family and friends.

5 years ago, I was in a bad accident that has left me with chronic pain. He changed. He controlled the money. I would have to ask him for money for co-pays and meds. He blamed me for not working or making money. It was all on him and he had no time off. He would like to reverse the roles and have me work and he‘d love to sit around all day like I do.

In all those years, he never has a full time job. He was always fired or he‘d walk away. No stability, no insurance. He didn‘t care.

He adopted my daughter after my accident. He mentally abused her by ignoring her, yelling at her or silent treatment.

We had many shaky times. We had a family computer. On two different occasions, we saw that he was looking at teenage cheerleader porn. My daughter hid it from me b/c she knew I‘d be upset. He denied it all. But it was all right there, including download videos.

He spent all his money on gambling. We would have no money for food. We once asked our good neighbor to help us. He started on this religon kick. God was punishing me for something bad. God wants me to suffer. God will make the decision of whether I should die or not, so stop taking your medication.

He bought all the equipment to have a marijuana grow farm at our house. He quit one job to audition for a tv show about becoming a Monk. Everyday was drama.

My parents staged a intervention. They swoped down and packed up my daughter and I and left. I never spoke to him again and it‘s been 9 months. It was Very difficult. But I am happier. No drama. He has made many attempts to find me.

It makes me sad sometimes, but I was more lonely With him. I‘m learning to feel joy again. I didn‘t realize it, until I took a step back and I was textbook mentally abused.

Thanks for listening!

Ms. Hummingbird

Thank you for the welcomes. Yes, I am still sick. I‘m on Disability right now. Lots of complications from the medications too. He was constantly on my back. Never had time to heal with his quotes. But now, the silence is golden. He would always stand above me. Never sitting to talk. He had to rise above me to feel better about himself. His voice was just booming. I don‘t miss that either. I can‘t even begin to tell you of the daily drama.

So, it‘s now quiet, and I have lots of time to think and just heal.

Welcome aboard, Hummingbird. 

Drama is decidedly over-rated but some people just absolutely need it in order to feel alive.  Without it they‘d shrivel up to nothing.  It‘s who and what they are!

Enjoy the peace, quiet and the chance for some solitude on occasion.  They‘re precious.  Kudos to your family for not just recognizing your needs but doing something about them as well. 

Booming voices are often blaming voices and that does no one any good.  I‘m glad you‘re away from it all.

I was married to a drama queen for 25 years.  I can‘t begin to relate the profound sense of calm and relief I experienced when the marriage was finally over.  That contentment persists today, almost 14 years later.

Hummingbird,

Love your name too. Saw some real ones once in the Dominican Republic and couldn‘t believe how tiny they actually were once they stopped still for a while. Beautiful bright colours too.

Anyway enough about birds. Fair play to you and your new found peace, healing and sanity. I‘m glad for your parents and glad you‘ve left the looser. Stick around here, its a lovely place to be. I expect given how far you have come since leaving him, you will have lots of good advice to offer others as well as some you may find useful for you.

T