WomanSavers.com Forum / GENERAL / Revenge

Lala,

I have just read your post and think you have been given some sound advice.

My take here........ Hell he has cheated already. All well and good if you are both in couple counselling and can have professionally assisted communication to help you get your hurt and anger across. I know I‘d be feeling exactly the same. Its correct, two wrongs dont make a right and maybe‘s if he‘s repented so much and you can get past the hurt and anger, you two could build a future from here on in.

On the other hand if he has done this once, whats to say he wont do it again? Thats what I would be constantly thinking and dreading.You obviously love this man massively, but for me I wouldnt cheat to get even, I‘d do my darnest to get over it with professional help and if he ever did it again, well I‘d let that sorry SOB be responsible for the consequences. IE the marriage being over.

I know you are hurting, hell you must be, but try to see how distrust, hurt and pain can hinder. I‘m in no way saying that what you are feeling is wrong, far from it, just saying that even though he has caused this major hurt, the rest could be holding you both up from moving forward, if that makes sense at all.

you are a bigger and more forgiving woman than me. If I was wearing a hat, I‘d take it off to you sweetie.

T

Even though you are still hurting over this. You are going to have to live with it-not matter what you do.

But- if you seek revenge in that way- it will make you feel DIRTY to have stooped to that level. You may find it harder to forgive yourself.  Your child will be more important than life to you- And that will probably be his revenge because he will no longer hold that #1 place with you.

Take care of yourself-

Sleeping with someone else would make you even less of a person than he is....‘cause you doing so with the intent of hurting someone.  That would make you a vindicated slut.

I don‘t see how a marriage can ever be as strong after an affair as it was before...and if BOTH of you have cheated it‘ll be even worse.

Give yourself some alone time...hours or days without the influence of others, search your own heart to decide whether you want to stay with him or divorce him.  PICK ONE....go for it with all you‘ve got, ignoring the past and ignoring the other option.  Your life and his are on hold until a decision is made and stuck with.

My grandmother said (tongue in cheek):  You can kill a man, but don‘t cheat on him.

Yeah - why lower yourself to his level?  He isn‘t worth it.  There are plenty of ways to make his life hell and get him where he lives without cheapening yourself.  Handle yourself with class -it is definitely worth it!

Now if you want to go to the gym, go on a shopping spree, do some fake & bake tanning, and have hot little cabana boys looking at you...that‘s another matter!  Anyone is allowed to admire the scenery!  And anyone is allowed to enjoy a little attention - as long as you don‘t act on it.

The best revenge is a good life.  Do you really need this man?  Why do you think he cheated?  Do you think you can ever trust him again?  Is it worth it to work things out - or not?

Do things to raise your self esteem and quit revolving your life around him.  Believe me, he will notice.

Come here - vent - cry - get angry - all healthy and normal reactions to being betrayed.  And then look at all the ways you can change and improve your own life - with or without him.  Start putting yourself first!  It won‘t take all the hurt away, but it will help.

We are here for you.