WomanSavers.com Forum / GENERAL / HOW DO I FEEL BETTER AGAIN

I was in a realtionship with man for ten years, and towards the end he became very abusive with me. Totally messed up myself esteem. And he cheated on me with some girl from down the street, and got her pregnant. So I decided to leave him,, but since then dating has been hard.

I‘ve tried dating, but I‘ve met so many men that just want one thing, Why is everyone this way?  How do I feel better?  Since my breakup, I went back to school, got a great job, work out four times a week, lost 25 pounds and fixed my relationship with my family( they hated my x).  But it gets lonely, I like to meet someone that really wants to be with me.  Any advice?

It sounds like you are doing everything right,  you will find a great man soon,  enjoy being you  and not being abused!!!

Hi there, welcome to the site. It does get better, when stbx and I split I got down to 104 pounds couldn‘t eat or sleep. I didn‘t want to lose the weight but it happen. It‘s good that you are taking care of yourself. Just remember time does wonders. You will get through this and find someone better. 

I am very sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time of this.  I just can‘t imagine myself being out there as a single lonely person.  That is one of many reasons I am trying to make it work with my wife.  The thought of the dating scene all over again is about as scary as the thought of my wife reconnecting with her old boyfriend.  I believe Star is right in saying that time will heal all and I agree that you are doing all the right things for yourself.

Try this.  If you have not got into golf yet, go out and buy a $ 20.00 driver club,  Go to a driving range and for about $ 5.00 you can get a bucket of balls.  Get out there and start wacking away at the balls.  Sooner or later some guy is going to come over and offer advice.  Now on a golf course the guys are usually well educated, have a few bucks and are physically fit.  Other than that you have to sort out the typical bull**** that guys are known for.  But it is a good place to meet guys.  If nothing else it is a new idea for meeting guys! 

Good luck to you and remember that every day above ground is an EXCELLENT day!

My advice is don‘t date.  It seems that you never find anyone when you are looking, and sometimes the process of looking can be more depressing than living and being alone. 

I always met people when I was out with friends, being myself, having a good time, and not looking.  Usually when I was dressed at my worst and didn‘t care was when I attracted men.  Go figure...

If you have a good personality and like people, it will usually happen all on its own.

Loneliness is a tough one.  We all have moments when we feel that way.  It is especially hard when you are used to living with someone.

This, too, will pass, and it will get easier.

Lily, I agree that when  you are lonely trying too hard to find a man can be disappointing. I was married for 12 yrs also and recently (2 yrs) left him. I started with the internet dating and it is tough, to say the least. At first I gave up and became very lonely and depressed myself but then I just started to make friends, something my ex never let me have, i got involved with work (sounds like you are doing that already) and started to get involved with different charitable organizations. The best thing is to stay busy and get out there...Enjoy your life and a good man will find you! The most important thing is don‘t settle for a man that isn‘t evrything you want because you are lonely!

Being lonely is very difficult but I think I was lonelier with my ex then i am all by myself. Now I have my life back!

Count your blessings...you are out of an abusive relationship, you have repaired your relationship with your family,  and you lost weight! those are three thing you didn‘t have while you were with your ex!

xoxoxoxo

PS A great man found me when I least expected it!