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    WomanSavers.com Forum / MEN'S AREA / some mens opinions please..."failure to launch" syndrome.

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brunetta
  Posted: 8/13/2007 6:21 AM Subject: some mens opinions please..."failure to launch" syndrome.
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To all the genuine men of womansavers..did you see that movie "failure to launch"??? About the guy who is 35 and still lives with mum and dad? I‘m not sure its all that common in the US...but here in Ireland for a number of reasons...its quite common, now there are people, women and men, in there 30‘s who have to live at home because they are working hard and saving for a mortgage...but lets leave them out of this conversation. I‘m talking about the ones (mostly guys...but there are some girls) who don‘t work, don‘t have many friends and basically stay at home with mum and dad...and prefer it that way. And mum prefers it that way too...mum cooks and cleans for her boy and loves to have him around. It really common here, there are lots of homes on my street and in my area where this is happening.

My question is why??? Is it that these guys are shying away from a committed adult relationship....or is it that they are unable to maintain one??? Are they messed up in the head??? Is it their fault or their parents???



RevAslockWartooth187
  Posted: 8/13/2007 1:31 PM Subject: some mens opinions please...‘failure to launch‘ syndrome.
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I think this is impossible to anser, it really just depends on the individual. Personally I live at home because of collage, I want to devote my time to that. But then again I am onley 20 so I guess thats kinda common, but its really hard to say what there reasons are. Sorry I couldent be more help.

Mark_Larsen
  Posted: 8/13/2007 6:51 PM Subject: some mens opinions please...‘failure to launch‘ syndrome.
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I used to live in Dublin for a good few years (still remember my weekend trips to as close as Kildare or as far as Galway) but what I say applies everywhere.

Practical as it may sound, I can not take seriously any guy who, at age 35, still lives with parents (unless exceptional circunstances such as illness or divorce).

Wanna save money for mortage? BS. You are a man, and you should live independently so to learn how to deal with house chores, or are you expecting your wife to be your momma? Edypus syndrome, anyone?

The best way to judge a guy is by his actions, not his words. Kudos to the guy who lives alone in a micro-apartment but takes care of his shit as a man without being a burden to his folks.

25 is the top age to be "launched". Anything over that goes to my "pitiful excuse for a man" section.

Excuse my French, but I am having a bad day.

Mark.



Tiredmomma
  Posted: 8/14/2007 8:02 AM Subject: some mens opinions please...‘failure to launch‘ syndrome.
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I left home at 18. Spend some time abroad then came back - got an apartment went to college while working two jobs and eating not much besides Ramen Noodles and fresh fruit.

Later I shared an apartment for 4 years with my BF - we had no heater in winter ( Electricity was to darn expensive to try and heat the apartment up lol). When we broke up I DID move home with my parents till I could find a place of my own. However I DID pay rent to my parents - I payed for my phoneline - I cooked 4 days a week and did all the laundry except ironing my dads shirts - screw that.

I could no imagine living with them now, as much as I love them it would drive me bonkers.

At 35 living home.. unless you are sick or let‘s say recently divocred/broke up . a guy or girl is utterly lazy and dependant in a very odd way.

TM



Surf66
  Posted: 8/14/2007 8:49 AM Subject: some mens opinions please...‘failure to launch‘ syndrome.
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Tiredmomma wrote:

I left home at 18. Spend some time abroad then came back - got an apartment went to college while working two jobs and eating not much besides Ramen Noodles and fresh fruit.

Later I shared an apartment for 4 years with my BF - we had no heater in winter ( Electricity was to darn expensive to try and heat the apartment up lol). When we broke up I DID move home with my parents till I could find a place of my own. However I DID pay rent to my parents - I payed for my phoneline - I cooked 4 days a week and did all the laundry except ironing my dads shirts - screw that.

I could no imagine living with them now, as much as I love them it would drive me bonkers.

At 35 living home.. unless you are sick or let‘s say recently divocred/broke up . a guy or girl is utterly lazy and dependant in a very odd way.

TM



well said !

I was out as soon as I finished high school. ....lol....I boiled macaroni. 33cents a box....no butter....hahAH!....

fear of the real world ....must keep these people with mommy and daddy....after about 6 years I became a C & T son (Christmas and Thanksgiving)....not that I didnt love my parents....Just that I had my own operation to run.

They did a good job bringing me up, I have always believed...you take that and use it throughout your life..It would have been failure to live at home....you gotta make your own way...sink or swim



Sunny fl
  Posted: 8/14/2007 10:57 AM Subject: some mens opinions please...‘failure to launch‘ syndrome.
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Tiredmomma wrote:

I left home at 18. Spend some time abroad then came back - got an apartment went to college while working two jobs and eating not much besides Ramen Noodles and fresh fruit.

Later I shared an apartment for 4 years with my BF - we had no heater in winter ( Electricity was to darn expensive to try and heat the apartment up lol). When we broke up I DID move home with my parents till I could find a place of my own. However I DID pay rent to my parents - I payed for my phoneline - I cooked 4 days a week and did all the laundry except ironing my dads shirts - screw that.

I could no imagine living with them now, as much as I love them it would drive me bonkers.

At 35 living home.. unless you are sick or let‘s say recently divocred/broke up . a guy or girl is utterly lazy and dependant in a very odd way.

TM



I moved back home for 2 days  and then got my own place.  i have to have my own kitchen  moms drove me nuts.   Sometimes it helps the parents when you live there.  Maybe that is why they stay??  My mom would keep me forever because i help out and have my own money.

My son told me he was never leaving me  i informed him he was!!

 



crimson_tears
  Posted: 8/14/2007 11:20 AM Subject: some mens opinions please...‘failure to launch‘ syndrome.
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I have two sons, ages 24 and 20, and it‘s been hell getting them out of my house.  I wouldn‘t mind their living with me so much if they at least cleaned up after themselves, but their dad raised them to be men that believe only women clean house,  (it‘s a Mexican thing) so as soon as they turned 18 they stopped doing what I asked like vacuuming or taking out the trash.  The oldest one really gets to me because he comes over and leaves his clothes everywhere, then his dad gets into this relaxed mode and does the same thing, consequently I have a living room full of men‘s clothes, shoes and socks, pants and shirts drapped over living room furniture.  It‘s a major daily clean up job cleaning up after them.  For a while I was throwing their socks away, treating their socks like trash, in an effort to get them to at least stop the socks thing, but it‘s a hopeless losing battle.

My oldest son got himself in severe trouble two years ago, (DUI) and  he is on probation, so in an effort to help him out, his dad and I allowed him to live with us until he can get his life together.

So he finds himself a girlfriend who will "take care of him"  Which keeps him from accepting full time work at the part time job he has had for the past year, which in turn doesn‘t afford him the ability to help us with bills, which in turn pisses off his dad.  So our oldest son deals with this by sleeping at his girlfriends house every other week, alternating our home with her parents home.  Yep!  You guessed it folks, she is 24 and living with her parents too!!!!

So two weeks ago, my oldest son royally fucks up again, he gets himself extremely drunk and attempts to hit his brother....the other one still living at home.  His brother has a panic attack, runs across the street to the neighbors house and calls the police.  My oldest son is now set to do either 6 months in jail, or 5-20 for aggravated assault if the charges are not dropped....his brother later admitted that his older brother never assaulted him, he just felt like he was going to and the police ran with that and charged him with aggravated assault although nothing happened that night with exception of allot of idiotic screaming from everyone involved.  I kept myself in bed that night and ignored the whole issue.

Ok.....so.....I am a person who will allow things for only so long, and then yes!  Mom‘s nice card does run out! 

As soon as my oldest son is let out, he and his girlfriend have promised to get a place together, and if not I‘m not letting him back into my home and I‘ll use the example of that crazy night he got drunk at my house which he knows happens to be the only rule I have, that being no getting drunk!

As soon as my middle son finishes High School, (he is still in HS due to his OCD/Anxieity /Panic attacks) then he will be going to a trade school, at that time which should be by New Years, I have found him a group home where he can live comfortably 3 miles away from me! 

Btw...neither of my sons are momma‘s boys, if they were they would not disrespect my house by leaving their clothes, socks and shoes everywhere.

When I was 18, I was newly married and had a baby on the way, by the time my baby (now my oldest son) was born, I was working and going to school full time,  by the time he was 4 months old, I was graduating High School, and two months later I was in College. 

The problem with my sons, is not because I spoiled them, it‘s simply that they have no ambition.  And I think that is the bigger problem  with men in their 20‘s and 30‘s who still live at home.  They simply have no ambition.

I do know of one young man who lives at home with his mother, she is very sick and he takes care of her as his father left his mother years ago, her illness is slowly eating away his life because taking care of her keeps him from doing anything for himself.  But even he has amibition!  Next month he will be returning to school, and next year he has plans to have his own place and his own life.

So for every story there is another which is an exact opposite.  There is no simple answer to "Failure to Launch Syndrome"  But I would love for my oldest son to see that movie!  :) 


Tiredmomma
  Posted: 8/15/2007 11:23 AM Subject: some mens opinions please...‘failure to launch‘ syndrome.
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Crimson, If you want them to do their own laundry STOP doing theirs.. IGNORE the piles of sweaty man clothes or if you ahve a sprikler on your front lawn put their clothes out there and turn it on.

One thing is to take crap from a husband ( which I don‘t for the most part - heck he takes crap from me too.. that is life) but to take crap from grown children? No No No!

You are their mother NOT their maid! Stop letting them treat you one. Or they will never stop.

TM



crimson_tears
  Posted: 8/15/2007 11:30 AM Subject: some mens opinions please...‘failure to launch‘ syndrome.
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Lol, I never said I did their laundry!  I stop doing their laundry when they are old enough to reach the knob on the washing machine.

Quite honestly, for the past 5 years the only laundry I do is my own.

You are their mother NOT their maid! Stop letting them treat you one. Or they will never stop.

Lol, I‘m sorry but my boys would really laugh at that comment, I am truly NOT the June  Cleaver type!  




Tiredmomma
  Posted: 8/15/2007 1:48 PM Subject: some mens opinions please...‘failure to launch‘ syndrome.
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Good I‘m glad to hear that. Guess I miss-read your post.

I agree with the point you made that those staying home for no other reason then its‘ easy, have no ambitions. I think you are right on the money.

TM



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