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MESSAGE
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| virtousone |
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Posted: 5/27/2006 9:01 PM |
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Subject: Is your husband addicted to porn? |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 33
Total Posts: 54
Paramount
California
United States
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Is your husband addicted to porn ? Well mine is and it just messed up everything he thinks that it is normal and tries to justify his stupid actions. He tries to turn the spot light on me and say that I am being nosey and lurking .I can‘nt help it if he is on line and I walk in he clicks aff and forgets to sign off. So when I get on the computer I run into his websites. How fooloish is he. Please give me some advice.
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| hopeless_dreamer |
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Posted: 5/28/2006 4:58 AM |
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Subject: Is your husband addicted to porn? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Male Member
Age: 24
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Total Posts: 703
Los Angeles
California
United States
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You‘re in a difficult position, no doubt about it. Porn is a
devastating addiction and may not be something he can overcome. Your
first course of action is to discuss with him how it makes you feel.
Tell him that you‘re disgusted and feel degraded by it. Tell him that
it insults you horribly that he has to resort to it. Tell him that it
drives a huge gulf between your relationship. Communicate calmly, that
is step one.
If he loves you, he will listen to your concerns and make a conscious
decision: you, or the porn. Be warned though, his actions speak louder
than his words. Check to ensure that he actually has given it up. You
aren‘t being nosy. You are his wife, he isn‘t supposed
to hide things from you. The very fact that he gets upset by your
"nosiness" should be a huge warning that something isn‘t kosher.
He may not be able to walk away though. In this case, you have to make
a decision. Will you tolerate it? Will you accept it? Are you willing
to stay in a relationship where your partner actively watches material
you find repulsive? These are not easy questions to answer, but you
will likely have to answer them all the same. It is difficult, but you
can do it. Good Luck.
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| BMW |
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Posted: 5/28/2006 6:45 AM |
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Subject: Is your husband addicted to porn? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 96
Total Posts: 1995
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Porn addiction is a serious thing. I have a number of articles on the blog about it (there‘s one there today). It is also progressive. If he doesn‘t get help, your relationship may be in serious trouble. You aren‘t lurking you are concerned but don‘t confront him about it again until you‘re ready to give him an ultimatum. Maybe you need to install anti-porn software on the computer?
some links for you:
http://www.porn-free.org
http://www.firesofdarkness.com
http://www.chatcheaters.com/addicted-to-porn.html
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextaboos/0,,saver_9pjc,00.html
Great site with loads of links for you: http://www.fishthe.net/porn_help.html
BMW
http://womansavers.blogspot.com
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| virtousone |
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Posted: 5/29/2006 12:17 AM |
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Subject: Is your husband addicted to porn? |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 33
Total Posts: 54
Paramount
California
United States
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| BlogMistress Womansaver wrote: | Porn addiction is a serious thing. I have a number of articles on the blog about it (there‘s one there today). It is also progressive. If he doesn‘t get help, your relationship may be in serious trouble. You aren‘t lurking you are concerned but don‘t confront him about it again until you‘re ready to give him an ultimatum. Maybe you need to install anti-porn software on the computer?
some links for you:
http://www.porn-free.org
http://www.firesofdarkness.com
http://www.chatcheaters.com/addicted-to-porn.html
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextaboos/0,,saver_9pjc,00.html
Great site with loads of links for you: http://www.fishthe.net/porn_help.html
BMW
http://womansavers.blogspot.com
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thank you for the advice I really appreciate it I have reached the point that I am just so numb emotionally that I do not care what happens anymore. I have asked him to leave on many accasions but he never does. I have gone to the police on several accasions to ask for help because not only is he addicted to porn he is a addict and you won‘t believe what they told me. They said " that they can not physically take him out of my house that he has to want to get help or I just have to file for a divorce or just wait untill they pull him over on the street.
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| virtousone |
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Posted: 5/29/2006 12:24 AM |
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Subject: Is your husband addicted to porn? |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 33
Total Posts: 54
Paramount
California
United States
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| hopeless_dreamer wrote: | You‘re in a difficult position, no doubt about it. Porn is a devastating addiction and may not be something he can overcome. Your first course of action is to discuss with him how it makes you feel. Tell him that you‘re disgusted and feel degraded by it. Tell him that it insults you horribly that he has to resort to it. Tell him that it drives a huge gulf between your relationship. Communicate calmly, that is step one.
If he loves you, he will listen to your concerns and make a conscious decision: you, or the porn. Be warned though, his actions speak louder than his words. Check to ensure that he actually has given it up. You aren‘t being nosy. You are his wife, he isn‘t supposed to hide things from you. The very fact that he gets upset by your "nosiness" should be a huge warning that something isn‘t kosher.
He may not be able to walk away though. In this case, you have to make a decision. Will you tolerate it? Will you accept it? Are you willing to stay in a relationship where your partner actively watches material you find repulsive? These are not easy questions to answer, but you will likely have to answer them all the same. It is difficult, but you can do it. Good Luck.
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Thank you for your advice I just have to decide what I am going to do because it is so much easier said then done. You know and its not that I want to stay with this man like that I have asked him to leave and he never does. T o be honest I don‘t think that any one wants to take him because he has had so many opportunities to leave but is still here. That is what mind boggles me why does he do the things that he does and not only is he a addicted to porn he is a addict and he just looks sick to me like a sick person. He can not even cope with every day living he is good for three days and down for two. I have a big decision to make thank you again.
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| BMW |
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Posted: 5/29/2006 5:20 PM |
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Subject: Is your husband addicted to porn? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 96
Total Posts: 1995
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| virtousone wrote: |
| BlogMistress Womansaver wrote: | Porn addiction is a serious thing. I have a number of articles on the blog about it (there‘s one there today). It is also progressive. If he doesn‘t get help, your relationship may be in serious trouble. You aren‘t lurking you are concerned but don‘t confront him about it again until you‘re ready to give him an ultimatum. Maybe you need to install anti-porn software on the computer?
some links for you:
http://www.porn-free.org
http://www.firesofdarkness.com
http://www.chatcheaters.com/addicted-to-porn.html
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextaboos/0,,saver_9pjc,00.html
Great site with loads of links for you: http://www.fishthe.net/porn_help.html
BMW
http://womansavers.blogspot.com
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thank you for the advice I really appreciate it I have reached the point that I am just so numb emotionally that I do not care what happens anymore. I have asked him to leave on many accasions but he never does. I have gone to the police on several accasions to ask for help because not only is he addicted to porn he is a addict and you won‘t believe what they told me. They said " that they can not physically take him out of my house that he has to want to get help or I just have to file for a divorce or just wait untill they pull him over on the street.
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The police still need a lot more educating in the area of Domestic Violence.
I had to go to the police about a DV issue years back and I WISH I had gone to a Domestic Violence Crisis Center first!!! When I did they put me in touch with the right people and I got action.
I strongly recommend you go to the bottom of the page, click on ABUSE EMERGENCIES, find a DV center near you, call, make an appt to speak to an advocate (if the receptionist asks too many questions just tell them you need an appt with a counselor ASAP) Go in and KEEP the appt. Develop a plan to get him out of the house.
There are also links on the blog for divorce. I saw your post about "the Lord" but I don‘t know of any God who wants a woman to stay in a horrible disrespectful situation like yours. While I am not Christian, the Jesus I know of would have kicked your H‘s butt.
BMW
http://womansavers.blogspot.com
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| Athenaskiva |
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Posted: 11/17/2006 5:26 PM |
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Subject: Is your husband addicted to porn? |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 32
Total Posts: 10
sacramento
California
United States
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| virtousone wrote: |
| Is your husband addicted to porn ? Well mine is and it just messed up everything he thinks that it is normal and tries to justify his stupid actions. He tries to turn the spot light on me and say that I am being nosey and lurking .I can‘nt help it if he is on line and I walk in he clicks aff and forgets to sign off. So when I get on the computer I run into his websites. How fooloish is he. Please give me some advice. |
I am so sorry to hear that he is addicted to porn! As with most addicts it‘s likely he won‘t figure it out until he starts losing important things because of his addiction. I am not advocating you leave him though. I hope you do what‘s best for you and (your dependents). Can you go to couples therapy? This must be hurting you. Athena
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| uberbeotch |
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Posted: 12/23/2006 6:18 PM |
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Subject: Is your husband addicted to porn? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 489
Total Posts: 1272
In a Dark Castle
Belarus
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Hi. I am sorry you‘re going through this. My now ex-husband was addicted to porn too. He‘d turn down sex with me, but then I‘d catch him later with his hand on his dick, either on the computer or watching DVD‘s.
We fought about it, finally I told him it was me or the porn. He chose the porn. His loss. His problem too. I want to make love with a real person who is HERE, not something fake on a computer. How sad he is.
Try this site too - they have a message board that‘s been very helpful to me:
http://p103.ezboard.com/bmothersagainstpornographyaddiction
Take care of yourself. Look for some real life support too, such as COSA, S-Anon or even Al-Anon.
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| emelonfire |
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Posted: 12/31/2008 4:19 AM |
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Subject: Is your husband addicted to porn? |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 1
new york
New York
United States
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Porn kills a relationship. Of course men love it and try to make us believe it‘s normal. They talk about their ‘ nature‘ and loving to look. Okay let‘s talk about a woman‘s NATURE. We love to flirt. We love to have many men fall in love with us. We love to receive flowers and chat with many men and getting their adoration. YET when we don‘t engage in that kind of behavior when we get into a relationship because IT IS BAD FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP. wE ERASE msn addresses that flirt with us, we stop talking to our ex boyrfriends as soon as we get into a relationship because we know that a relationship requries sacrafice. Men want us to want absolutely nothing. Just let them ride all their selflish indulgences. How about this... When he gets off the internet porn surfing, you get on, have numerous men to chat with and talk sexual with, lets get our rocks off of other men‘s flirt, and then what ? What kind of relationship will it be then, when both sides are getting their ‘ natural needs‘ met outside the relationship. Porn watching men, don‘t try to put a modern twist to this and make it look like it‘s our fault. A man watching porn is like a man watching my next door neighbor change from the window. If I saw that I would say, what the hell is this ? Bottom line, we need to leave these selfish bstds alone with their swetlana‘s and Finish woman. Here‘s the deal- either a real woman, or the porn. You choose. My policy is that I‘m too hot and too proud to share my man‘s sexuality with anything else but me. I want all of him or none of him. Until all woman leave these men and not let them have the security and joys of havign a woman while they are getting off to hundreds of other woman, they will never learn. Is cheating normal ? Sure it is if you ask a man- it‘s his nature- it has nothing to do with love= blah blah blah. Why don‘t we accept it ? Because every woman should have some standards. Porn is the same, except it‘s just a matter of degree. Last words to men who watch porn- you THINK that porn doesnt affect you but believe me it does...These men dont‘ get excited with a normal woman- we could see the emptiness in your eyes. You lose desire, you lose passion. It can be felt in every move when you make love. You are like a robot- you think you got all the moves but a womans strong intuition feels that your sexual energy is spent elsewhere. So if men need an excuse to stop watching porn- here‘s one. You become really bad in bed when you do. I had a boyfriend who was 18 years younger than me- never watched porn, he thought it was stupid to watch when you could actually do it. Get the message ? Can a man watch porn once in awhile, like twice a year, fine, I‘m not a dictator. But more than that, you are a little boy who refuses to grow up. Real men satisfy their woman and that‘s what makes them attractive. They are all ours. I left my fiance for this and I‘m so glad I did. I never want to feel that pitt in my stomach everytime I approach the computer or the tv. Ladies, it‘s not worth it. Let them get off on their own, you are worth a real man. That porn watching man is going to get worse every year- soon you‘ll have no sex in your life because they get used to the laziness. And how is a woman supposed to compete with porn ? First we are not airbrushed, but above all, it‘s the VARIETY that they love! I am only one woman and I only have one body. A man has GOT to have enough love for me to FORSAKE all others. Remember committment ? You‘ll be married to mr. senior citizen while you‘ll be at your desirous years. Think about it. Give your man a choice- either you or the porn. Either his selfish indulgences or your feelings and trust and respect and attraction. WHen he makes his decision to choose pron, now you know you can‘t just rock along because porn in the relationship is number one, and are you sitting down ? YOU are number 2. Now, is that okay with you ? Many woman hve gone down that street only to end up in divorce 8 years later with a broken heart and zero self esteem, and years years wasted when you could have had lustful and exclusive sex. These men are just little boys who can‘t give up their selfish hobbies. Will it be hard - sure , but how easy is it living with these weak freaks. Last words to all my girlfriends hurting over this, sometimes a woman has to choose between excitement and respect. Respect yourself enough to get out of this mess.
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