| AUTHOR |
MESSAGE
|
| pmr |
 |
|
Posted: 1/24/2010 9:45 PM |
 |
Subject: husband leaving me with a DVI while he‘s cheating |
|
|
|
WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 50
Total Posts: 20
Westminster
Colorado
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
 Send Note
|
Hi Susan,
I have a husband who I am finding out is a compulsive liar. I found out a few months ago about many debt and money funds bank accouts, etc. I have been told I need to file for divorce so I can have his accounts frozen. I am afraid when I file for divorce he will make my Domestic Violence trial a nightmare. He said he wanted to drop the charges but the state won‘t let him.
What happened was he wouldn‘t tell me where he was the week before and I realized he was with another woman. One night he kept going outside and I followed and heard him talking real sweet to someone. When he came in, I said if he cared at all about our marriage he would let me see his phone. He became irate and wouldn‘t let me see it. He went out again and I found him texting someone. I let it go and kept cooking dinner.
I realized he had been sleeping with his phone and the only time I could ever see it was when he was in the shower. I went into the bathroom and it was not in sight. The phone rang and was in his pants pocket. I got the phone and started towards the front door. He came running out of the shower after me and I tried to get out the door. He grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me half way back in the door and threw me down and we struggled as he was trying to get the phone. At some point I slapped him on the back. He got the phone and started doing something with the phone.
I got around him and got the phone and called 911. I was afraid. He told the police he got a text message and I slapped him. He said he never touched me.
The police HAVE to arrest one person. Since they saw no marks on me and saw a slap on his back they arrested me. I am told the court I‘m going to will NEVER dismiss a case. I will have to have a jury trial. Later the night i was arrested they did find a mark on my neck.and later a couple small bruises on my leg.
I am concerned about going to court and never being able to work with schools again if it‘ on my record. The lawyers all say it may have to be exponged even if it‘s proven not guilty.
How can someone be arrested with no witnesses. Crazy. I won‘t be able to find a job and my husband has left with his girlfriend.
I am so afraid.
|
| Susan Bartelstone |
|
|
Posted: 1/25/2010 9:58 AM |
|
Subject: husband leaving me with a DVI while he‘s cheating |
|
|
|
WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 53
.gif)
Total Posts: 144
NYC
New York
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
So sorry to hear this story. I know it‘s a very difficult situation.
What concerns me, in terms of you getting out of this situation, is the validity of the information you‘ve been given about what your options are re your court case and other legal consequences. You don‘t mention the source of this information, but one of the best resources I can give you is the Family Justice Center which has offices nationwide. Go to www.familyjusticecenter.org to see if there‘s a local center in your area.
You might also call some of the local colleges in your area that have a law school. Many law schools have free legal clinics where you might also be able to get accurate advice.
Also, pls find a domestic violence organization or a women‘s center or even a N.O.W. chapter to get a counseling referral so you can have a clear perspective about your marriage and your life after it.
The more action you take on you own behalf with the right professional help, the sooner you‘ll be able to find your way out of this situaiton.
Stay in touch and let me know what happens.
|
| Kerry Gearin |
|
|
Posted: 2/14/2010 2:11 PM |
|
Subject: husband leaving me with a DVI while he‘s cheating |
|
|
|
New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 21
Total Posts: 3
Toronto
Canada
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Hi,
This is great advice from Susan. In my work as an advocate for abused women in Canada we have seen this problem of "counter charges" become "proactive charges" where the guy who first assaults the woman claims to be the victim.
Yet he‘s experienced enough to hit in a way that does not show, while defending yourself, it‘s different and shows.
It can make such a difference to have people support and come with you to court.
Witness preparation is really good too. It does not involve memorizing everything in exactly the same words, but becoming "closer to comfortable" and having some trusted support people on your team.
You did good reaching out for help and I am hopeful for you that this case against you is dropped. Remember there are lots of women who understand your situation and are rooting for you.
Kerry
|
| pmr |
|
|
Posted: 2/14/2010 3:48 PM |
|
Subject: husband leaving me with a DVI while he‘s cheating |
|
|
|
WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 50
Total Posts: 20
Westminster
Colorado
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Thank you both for your advice. I was calling a lot of lawyers that would talk to me a few minutes. So I don‘t know for sure if filing would actually help. Right now I‘m pretty much being blackmailed into not filing because he won‘t pay my bills. I plan to file soon, but my family thinks I should wait till after the trial because I will make him worse at the trial. My lawyer said it doesn‘t really matter, they can trace stuff, but I‘m so afraid he‘s just moving accounts. Most everything he has is debt, from many things, including airline tickets, hotels, restaurants in several cities. I will end up helping pay that off. Most of the credit cards are in his name, but we were married. I‘m in CO which is an "equitable" divorce state. The continuous adultery will have no bearing.
I will check out the website you mentioned and a N.O.W. group. The local Dom. Violence wouldn‘t talk to me because I am considered the "perpetrator." That just makes me so sick and upset. When I go into the courthouse I just bawl. I can‘t handle feeling like a prisoner and criminal.
I do have a counselor, as long as my husband keeps me on his insurance. She said she‘ll help me with these feelings.
I am so worried about the case. My lawyer hasn‘t said anything about how to be in court. My pretrial is the 24th and they say they make them all go to trial which will be the end of next month. I don‘t know how I can make it another month.
I am looking for work and trying to decide if I should go the quick route for a career, like dental assisting. I can do that in less than a year. It won‘t be great money, but I won‘t be stranded. I have a two year degree and have always worked with children. I thought of going back for my education degree but two years seems hard to do. I am 50 will be 53 when I‘d graduate and I think teaching may be stressful especially at that age.
I am still stuck at not getting the images of our life and he and other women out of my mind. I know it‘s not good and keeps me from sleeping. I try every day, but it‘s always there.
The Dom. Violence is easily wrong considering it‘s a 50/50 chance they‘re arresting the right person, ok 70/100 maybe. They did find a mark on my neck later, so it‘s just his word against mine of who did it. The police said my hand print couldn‘t have been done while he was on top of me. I don‘t remember how it happened, but I remember what he did to me first. Anyway, they can look at my calling 911 as trying to pin it on him, but I was so frightened. I would be killed first before ever calling 911 and going through this again.
Thanks again for reading and understanding all this!
|