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MESSAGE
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| QueenOfDenial |
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Posted: 10/1/2009 9:26 AM |
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Subject: Is my husband a sexual deviant? |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 37
Total Posts: 36
Lincoln
Nebraska
United States
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I‘m already dealing with a narcissist husband, but now I‘m really getting concerned about whether his behavior is "normal" male behavior or if there is something really wrong with him mentally. Here are the things I‘m concerned with:
He seems to have an obsession with thigh high leather boots. He seems to spend every minute he can "sneaking" onto the internet to watch porn, almost always involving women in thigh high boots & leather, dressed like dominatrix‘s. He gets on Craigslist and searches out people selling thigh high boots and asks them for photos. He‘s texted photos back and forth of boots with other people.
When we were still dating, (before I knew about all this) he bought me a pair of boots. At least he said they were for me, but they were a couple sizes too small. I wasn‘t into that kind of thing, but I wore them anyway. All the sudden, everytime I did, he was so "lovey dovey" and almost worshipped me for days afterwards. Then it would fade off and I would wear them again. I kind of liked the attention and it didn‘t seem all that bad at first, even though what I really wanted was romantic, sweet, loving sex. We got married and when I moved in, that‘s when I started finding out that this wasn‘t just a funny little thing he seemed to like.
Things got weird. I let him take a few photos, not naked, but not the kind of thing you want anyone else to see. I made him promise that he would never show anyone else. A year later, I walked into my office where he‘d been using the computer. He forgot to sign-out of his Flickr account and what did I see? A photo of me that he said he‘d never show anyone, with all kinds of sick comments from other men. According to all the comments, apparently my husband has some secret desire to watch me with another man, yet he is the most jealous person I have ever met. I did some searching on the computer and found that he‘d been exchanging all the photos of me with several other men over Yahoo messenger.
He also wanted me to wear one of the boots & leather outfits in public. I did it once, I thought it was more of a joke than anything. But he was obsessed with me doing it again and kept bringing it up for a couple years afterwards. He doesn‘t anymore, but I‘ve since told him that I want NOTHING to do with any of that. It creeps me out after everything I‘ve seen.
I‘ve caught him on collarme.com, a BDSM dating type of website. He said he was just "screwing around" on there one day and he doesn‘t go there anymore. I know for a fact that he still has an active profile and he get‘s on there several times a month. He‘s tried to meet with women on there. As far as I can tell, the worse he‘s done is had one dress in the boots in a public place and then gone to just to see them but never talked to them. He‘s offered to buy them boots though.
He‘s downloaded porn on our DVR, then when I see it on the bill and ask him about it, he acts like he saved it for "us" but we never had a chance to watch it. He knows that I don‘t want to watch it!! He won‘t even cop up to anything. When I told him I saw the photos on Flickr, he promised to delete them and acted like he did nothing wrong. They‘re still there and now my photo is posted in RateMyWifey.com too. Sick f@cker.
I caught him calling sex chat lines. He said he only called a few times and it was just ‘funny‘. I see the bill. I was more than a few times. For years now, I‘ve seen all kinds of weird numbers on our bill from his phone. Whenever I google the numbers, they‘re linked to either Craigslist listings for boots, or for shoe repair shops, or for online retailers of thigh high boots. I think this is more than a sick obsession. I have no desire to have sex with him anymore. From what a friend of his said, this is the same scenario that happened with his ex-wife. He got weird, she no longer wanted sex. He left her. Now he‘s complaining all the time that we don‘t have sex very often. How can I??? I‘ve tried to explain this to him, that it‘s just weird and creeps me out and his narcissistic side comes out and he tries to make it like I‘m the weird one, with no labido, or that I don‘t love him (I should feel sorry for him), etc. etc. I know we need counseling of some sort, but he is a classic narcissist, "nothing is ever his fault" so I don‘t see it doing any good. I am kind of stuck here, I can‘t afford to divorce him, I can‘t afford to raise my daughter on my own. I try to keeps things as normal as possible for her sake. Am I in danger here? Or just stuck in crappy situation?
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| Susan Bartelstone |
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Posted: 10/16/2009 8:49 AM |
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Subject: Is my husband a sexual deviant? |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 53
Total Posts: 36
NYC
New York
United States
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Hi Queen - sorry it took so long to reply; somehow I didn‘t catch your entry.
This question doesn‘t fall within my area of expertise but I do have a panel of experts that I refer things to and one of them is well qualified to give an opinion. I‘ll relay what she says as soon as possible.
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