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| miss_fortune |
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Posted: 4/18/2009 9:36 AM |
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Subject: NEED advice |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 33
Total Posts: 1
Red Bank
New Jersey
United States
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I‘ll admit it. I‘m nosy, but I‘m helpful or at least I‘m trying to be. Here‘s what‘s happening. My girlfriend has been separated from her husband for about a year. From everything she tells me he‘s moved on but she still carries a torch for him. She‘s also mentioned he was verbally abusive and when I‘ve seen them together his body language definitely shows him as very dominant. When I remind her of what she said about him she says he went to therapy and got help for his issues and is a completely different man today (right). He‘s so different he‘s been seeing another woman for months now! Now here‘s my problem. My friend finally met a guy, but when I met him he totally gave me the creeps. I know I‘m not the one dating him but still, my friend has been through a lot over the last year and long story short I looked him up on this site, and he‘s here. Needless to say his rating is NOT good. What do I do? How do I tell her? The guy, from what‘s written on this site is a total jerk! I want to stay friends with her and I think I may be her only confidant, but what am I to do? Can I put her on your mailing list and maybe she looks him up herself?
Please help.
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| uberbeotch |
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Posted: 4/18/2009 12:24 PM |
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Subject: NEED advice |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 489
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Total Posts: 1257
In a Dark Castle
Belarus
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I would tell her, and forward her the link to his Rate-a-Guy post.
I dated a guy for nearly 4 years, and when I finally broke up with him (for various reasons), ALL my girlfriends said "you know, he really creeped me out! There was something weird about him!"
WHY didn‘t they tell me when they met him? I wish they had! I might not have wasted so much time!
Tell her, gently. Remind her that you love her & you want only what is best for her. What she does with that info....well, hopefully the right thing, but don‘t always count on that.
Good luck, and don‘t hold back out of fear of losing her friendship. Friends don‘t let friends date creeps!
UB
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| Susan Bartelstone |
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Posted: 4/22/2009 4:47 PM |
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Subject: NEED advice |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 53
Total Posts: 36
NYC
New York
United States
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I‘m not sure you can really say anything to her that would make any difference. And, what often happens is that the person comes to resent anyone who‘s trying to be helpful if they‘re not ready to be helped. Besides, people who keep repeating destructive patterns might very well need professional help rather than help from concerned friends - but they have to decide that and want that for themselves.
One suggestion: without telling her your concerns, you might try to get her to take a self defense course (most are no more than 4 weeks long) or even a personal safety lecture. In case push comes to shove (literally), she might at least be able to defend herself, and one of the benefits of a self defense or martial arts course is that it increases your self esteem and inner strength. That might be the best help you could give your friend right now (and it wouldn‘t hurt you either!).
By all means, go to my radio show hostpage, Crime Prevention 101 (www.crimeprevention101.com) where all my past shows are archived. Send your friend a link to any of the shows you feel would be particularly interesting to her. You can also sign up for my mailing list or RSS feed there. Maybe that will point her in a more positive direction. Good luck.
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