WomanSavers.com Forum / ASK SUSAN BARTELSTONE, CERTIFIED CRIME PREVENTION AND PERSONAL SAFETY SPECIALIST / Need advice quick on my boyfriend

Hi, my name is jannie, I am in love with a man I have been with for over 2 years now, however in the beginning he was nice charming and fun. Now I get to see the real side of him. He lies so much I cant tell which is truth or fiction. He has hit me in the past and promised he never would do it again. If I had to describe him in 2 words it would be Liar and manipulator.

 He does have anger issues, which I dont like to see him get out of control. He drinks on the weekends in the summer, but the other day he drank too much and got very abusive with me,  called me names for no reason, spit food at me from his mouth, and started a fight. I resisted. This has happen two times in the past two years. He then made excuses that he was just kidding,which was a lame excuse for his horrific behavior.

 I was so upset and crying I was ready to leave him.  He excuses all his wrongs. I am very affectionate and loving. He does not give back to me too much. He claims I want too much. Sex is usually on his terms, meaning if he wants it we have it. If i am in the mood and he is not then we usually dont have sex.

He always looks at the opposite sex which Ihave tried to tell him this hurts my feelings, he claims he does not do it.  I can watch him do it right in front of my eyes and he will testify he did not see anything.

 Everything I tell him about himself that hurts me or that he is doing is wrong in a relationship, he claims I am too sensitive or that I am not seeing things right. I am not a dumb woman, and he insults my intelligence when he thinks I dont know what he is about.

I am starting to wonder if this man is a classic sociopath.?

Need some advice and thanks.

Janniegirl

"If I had to describe him in 2 words it would be Liar and manipulator."

Read Shally‘s posts in the Abuse section about Sociopaths. Whether he is or isn‘t one, you‘ve said yourself he‘s a liar & manipulator, and you described a lot of unacceptable behavior on his part.

My advice - Don‘t waste any more time on this loser. DTMFA (dump the mother-f*cking asshole) and move on. Take some time and work on yourself. He‘s done a number on you with his abuse, you need to heal.

Later on, when you are in a better place within yourself, you will attract better relationships.

Good luck!

UB

Thanks for the responses.

  Hi and thanks for the response,things keep getting worse in this relationship. I have to get my act together and leave this sociopath.

Just yesterday I found out he was looking up and old girlfriend from 25 years ago. He did not tell me. I found out ,and his excuse was he just put her name in to see where she is then he said he had a dream of her and wanted to look for her. then he claimed it was nothing that I am making a big deal.  He tries to convince me that I am different and any other girl would not be mad . He justifies everything he does, then claims no other girl would make a big deal out of this. really !!! He said he had no intentions but to put her name in to see where she is now.  Why would he even be thinking of her.??? And if he had no intentions why would he even look her up.  He still keeps contact with and old ex from his past that he confides in and aks for advice he promised me he would have no contact with her, however he still does.

 He is just a sick sociopath, its no wonder he has been so alone for so long. who would put up with his lies, manipulations, twisted distorted views.  I am getting my act together and leaving when I can.  Thanks Janniegirl

This person‘s behavior is abusive - bottom line.  Love is not supposed to hurt.  And, it‘s only going to get worse.  Run, don‘t walk.  Get out.

Do things that give you strength and pleasure and self esteem until you stop grieving for this loss.

One suggestion:  If you‘re trying to heal or find the inner strength to walk away from a situation that is bad for you, I urge you to take a few martial arts classes  just to see if it catches hold within you.

Martial arts is one of the most strengthening, self-healing activies I‘ve ever experienced in my lifetime. 

For women, check out www.nwmaf.org (website for the National Women‘s Martial Arts Federation) for a woman-friendly class in your area.  If you don‘t see one listed, email them for a reference.

If you do it, let me know what happens.