WomanSavers.com Forum / ASK SUSAN BARTELSTONE, CERTIFIED CRIME PREVENTION AND PERSONAL SAFETY SPECIALIST / Hi Susan

Sorry it took so long to reply to you - there were some technical difficulties at the start but we‘re up and running now!

In your post  you don‘t mention if the abusive man is a husband or domestic partner you‘re living with; a husband or domestic partner you‘re separated from; or a non-live-in boyfriend.

If the abuser is a non-live-in boyfriend, my suggestions are less complicated: get joint counseling to see if the relationship can be improved or end the relationship and get support from your friends, family, a counselor or whatever constructive activities appeal to you until the heartache stops.

For domestic relationships, the answers are more complicated; but I‘d suggest you try to find a FamilyJustice Center in your area (www.familyjusticecenter.org will tell you locations nationwide) or go to your local DA‘s office to get help mapping out a legal strategy, including filing for an Order of Protection if necessary.  Another option:  contact a local domestic violence center or woman‘s organization for information and referrals.

One thing I DON‘T recommend is taking self defense or martial arts classes in order to cope with someone who is physically abusive.  That‘s like pouring gasoline on the floor and then throwing a match on it—there‘s bound to be an explosion!  Save the self defense training for after you leave the relationship, in case the abuse turns to stalking, or simply to help give you the inner strength to pick yourself up and go on.  Training is one of the BEST ways to do this.

On my radio show Crime Prevention 101 (www.crimeprevention101.com), I did several shows on domestic violence and abusive relationships that you might find helpful.  Check in the archives for the following dates:  10/4/08, 10/11/08, 10/25/08, 8/16/08 and 3/14/09. 

Hope this helps.