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| unhappyinkansas |
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Posted: 5/22/2008 11:07 AM |
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Subject: My Boyfriend of Eight Years Lied and Cheated on Me |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 46
Total Posts: 4
Overland Park
Kansas
United States
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I found out Sunday night that my boyfriend of the last eight years has been lying and cheating. I stopped by his house on the way home after going fishing. When I rang the doorbell at his house, I could see him in the kitchen through the window in the door. When he heard the doorbell, he looked to see who was at the door, then ducked and ran to the back of the house. I started banging on the door and yelling at him that it was me, and that I had just seen him and knew he was home.
After a couple of minutes he suddenly appeared from nowhere and said, "Oh, hi. I didn‘t see you. I was over at my neighbor‘s house visiting." I told him to stop lying, and that I knew he saw me at the door. I then asked if I could use the bathroom, and he said no. I asked "Why not?" That is when he reluctantly told me that a "friend" of his that he had known for over 20 years had been fired from her job and had been evicted from her apartment, and that he let her move in for a month until she could find an apartment.
I asked him if he was having sex with her, and he wouldn‘t give me a straight answer but told me that "it really didn‘t matter". The more questions I asked, the more flustered he became, and finally he tried to grab me to pull me off his porch to get me to leave.
I left, but was waiting for him the next morning in the parking lot at his job in Leavenworth. I confronted him again about the sex thing. At first he tried to claim it was "none of my business", but I told him that after eight years of being faithful, loyal and committed to him I deserved to know. He finally confessed that "yes, we‘ve had relations a few times." I became immediately very angry and in the heat of the moment I told him that I wanted nothing more to do with him, and that I would come to his house that evening to pick up my property he was storing in his basement. I said things and made threats that I wish I wouldn‘t have. He then became angry and told me that if I came on his property, he would call the sheriff.
Right now we‘re at a stalemate -- we have had no contact since Monday. We are going to have to meet sooner or later, though, as I have his bass boat firmly padlocked onto the trailer hitch of my Explorer and he still has my property at his house, as well as a key to both my vehicle and my home.
In the past when I told him that if he ever lied or cheated on me that I wouild never want anything more to do with him and would never speak to him again, he made a comment something like "Yeah, but I didn‘t think you‘d really do it."
Why do men lie so much? I asked him several times in the past couple of months if there was another woman, and each and every time he replied "No." He did ask me two weeks ago that, because of the poor and failing health of his parents, I not call as much because he wouldn‘t be able to return my calls. Yet he called and left voices messages almost everyday since that conversation (at one point three in one day). Isn‘t this a double standard? If he wants to dump me, why does he keep calling???
One final question -- do men feel any hurt after they break up with a woman? For some strange reason, it would be very comforting to know that he‘s having emotional pain, too.
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| supermom21664 |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 4:36 AM |
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Subject: My Boyfriend of Eight Years Lied and Cheated on Me |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 44
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Total Posts: 958
Lumberton
Texas
United States
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I do not know if men have emotional pain after losing a woman. I do think that you having no contact with him since Monday is a good thing. You just have to decide if you can first trust him again before moving forward then if you think the relatiuonship is worth saving go for it. Just keep in mind that you have to trust him. He also has to want the relationship to work and if he does then the hussy has to find new living arrangements.
Good luck and 
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| learning |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 5:28 AM |
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Subject: My Boyfriend of Eight Years Lied and Cheated on Me |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 4
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Total Posts: 158
Around the Corner
Nebraska
United States
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I‘m so sorry, but this guy has got to go. He‘s not only having sex with her, but he moved her in!!! Don‘t be surprised when a month is up and she‘s still there and he‘s giving you yet another lame excuse as to why. And, yes, "she‘s down on her luck so I‘m supporting her and boffing her" is LAME. I‘m being extremely mild here only because the cursing out of this jerk that I want to do would be extremely offensive to some readers. Kick him to the curb. If you were doing what he‘s doing, what do you think his reaction/response would be?
So sorry you have to deal with this BS! I will support you in any way that I can. 
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| supermom21664 |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 6:44 AM |
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Subject: My Boyfriend of Eight Years Lied and Cheated on Me |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 44
Total Posts: 958
Lumberton
Texas
United States
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I reread your post and I think that learning is correct... This guy has gotta go. The turning point for me was when she said " If you were doing this what would HIS reaction be?" He would blow his top. You would be called the vilest names that he could think of. You are better off without him. Move on to bigger and better things.
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| unhappyinkansas |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 9:10 AM |
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Subject: My Boyfriend of Eight Years Lied and Cheated on Me |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 46
Total Posts: 4
Overland Park
Kansas
United States
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 JUST AN UPDATE:
I did not have any contact with my boyfriend at all since Monday. I went to the lake (with his bass boat in tow) on Tuesday evening to go camping by myself to relax, fish and contemplate my situation. On Friday night he left a voice message on my home phone -- he sounded very nervous, and stammered and stuttered as if he was having trouble finding the words to say. A synopsis of the message: "Uh, this is [his name]. Uh, I uh just want you to uh keep the boat. I‘ll bring your camp stove, bedding and tent by tomorrow...it‘s the holiday weekend. Uh, yeah, I uh...and that‘s that. I‘ll give you a call before I come over to see if you‘re around. Bye." What he didn‘t know is that, because he has a key to my house, I barricaded my doors before I left so he couldn‘t come in unless I was there. I did not return this call. Saturday night I got another message: "Uh, this is [his name]. I uh, I have your camp stuff and don‘t know if you don‘t want me in your house or what. And I forgot that you padlocked the fence and gate, so I can‘t put it on your back porch. I uh...give me a call and let me know where you want me to put your stuff. I guess I could put it on your front step with a tarp over it. Okay, bye." (The statement about the tarp was clearly intended to ensure I would call him, as he knows I hate houses with trash and clutter in the front yard.)
I finally caved and called him. He asked when I barricaded the doors. I told him that I did it on Tuesday because I did not want him and his new girlfriend coming into my house while I was away. He made a comment about how he was "tired of my antics", and that he had left a voice message on my home phone the night before to tell me that I could keep the boat and that he would be coming by. I lied and told him that I didn‘t get the message because I hadn‘t been at my house since Tuesday evening. He then said, "Oh, sh_t. I left the message on your home phone. Guess I should‘ve left one on your cell phone, too." He quickly changed the subject and began small talk, quizzing me about how the fishing was going, if there were a lot of people at the lake, etc. I stopped his line of chit-chat to tell him that I didn‘t think letting me keep the boat was a good idea, as it would only serve as a line of contact between us. He didn‘t really like that idea much. He then asked what I was "up to" at that moment, and I said, "not much." I asked what the "two" of them were doing (meaning he and his new girlfriend). He sighed and replied, "I‘m on my way to mom and dad‘s house and then I‘m going home and to bed" (i.e., he was by himself on a Saturday night).
I am trying not to read too much into things, but, because of his nervousness and the tone of his voice, I believe he is attempting to "make up" with me. I know that to do so wouldn‘t be an emotionally healthy decision, but right now I‘m not strong enough to turn him down. Any advice?
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| learning |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 11:54 AM |
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Subject: My Boyfriend of Eight Years Lied and Cheated on Me |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 4
Total Posts: 158
Around the Corner
Nebraska
United States
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| unhappyinkansas wrote: | JUST AN UPDATE:
I did not have any contact with my boyfriend at all since Monday. I went to the lake (with his bass boat in tow) on Tuesday evening to go camping by myself to relax, fish and contemplate my situation. On Friday night he left a voice message on my home phone -- he sounded very nervous, and stammered and stuttered as if he was having trouble finding the words to say. A synopsis of the message: "Uh, this is [his name]. Uh, I uh just want you to uh keep the boat. I‘ll bring your camp stove, bedding and tent by tomorrow...it‘s the holiday weekend. Uh, yeah, I uh...and that‘s that. I‘ll give you a call before I come over to see if you‘re around. Bye." What he didn‘t know is that, because he has a key to my house, I barricaded my doors before I left so he couldn‘t come in unless I was there. I did not return this call. Saturday night I got another message: "Uh, this is [his name]. I uh, I have your camp stuff and don‘t know if you don‘t want me in your house or what. And I forgot that you padlocked the fence and gate, so I can‘t put it on your back porch. I uh...give me a call and let me know where you want me to put your stuff. I guess I could put it on your front step with a tarp over it. Okay, bye." (The statement about the tarp was clearly intended to ensure I would call him, as he knows I hate houses with trash and clutter in the front yard.)
I finally caved and called him. He asked when I barricaded the doors. I told him that I did it on Tuesday because I did not want him and his new girlfriend coming into my house while I was away. He made a comment about how he was "tired of my antics", and that he had left a voice message on my home phone the night before to tell me that I could keep the boat and that he would be coming by. I lied and told him that I didn‘t get the message because I hadn‘t been at my house since Tuesday evening. He then said, "Oh, sh_t. I left the message on your home phone. Guess I should‘ve left one on your cell phone, too." He quickly changed the subject and began small talk, quizzing me about how the fishing was going, if there were a lot of people at the lake, etc. I stopped his line of chit-chat to tell him that I didn‘t think letting me keep the boat was a good idea, as it would only serve as a line of contact between us. He didn‘t really like that idea much. He then asked what I was "up to" at that moment, and I said, "not much." I asked what the "two" of them were doing (meaning he and his new girlfriend). He sighed and replied, "I‘m on my way to mom and dad‘s house and then I‘m going home and to bed" (i.e., he was by himself on a Saturday night).
I am trying not to read too much into things, but, because of his nervousness and the tone of his voice, I believe he is attempting to "make up" with me. I know that to do so wouldn‘t be an emotionally healthy decision, but right now I‘m not strong enough to turn him down. Any advice? |
Hi, Unhappy. Village idiot? I think not. You sound pretty smart to me. And pretty strong as well. It‘s not easy to keep someone we love at arm‘s length. That‘s exactly where I would keep him....at least for a little while anyway. He needs to learn (though he should already know) that you are not going to EVER put up with such behavior.
I got a laugh out of him saying that he‘s "tired of your antics." Classic shifting of blame.
I think you‘re doing great!! Keep up the good work!
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