WomanSavers.com Forum / ASK SANDRA BROWN, M.A., PSYCHOTHERAPIST, RELATIONSHIP COUNSELOR & AUTHOR / I dont understand

My ex was emotionally abusive and wouldnt do anything but blame me for everything and tells people to this day I abused him that i never let him go out to the bars, but leaves out that he told me he had a drinking problem.. I tried to get him to go to marriage counseling and he said she took my side after one meeting and wouldnt go back.     I always just assumed he would never amount to anything, because everything  I read about abusers is they dont change. His parents left him when he was five because they too were alcoholics.  He also married  me for a greencard as well.

The second we broke up he was onling shopping for new women as well as stringing me along. Finally we got divorced. But righ after the divorce he was already with someone new,  got her pregnant and now hes moved in with her and her kids, opened his own business, hes helping her with the wedding. He got diagnosed with ADD. He is blaming everything on that now including the drinking. But I dont believe it was ADD causeing all our problems. My brother has that and he doesnt act like my ex did. 

 I just dont understand why he wouldnt do any of this for us when we were married?? I had to plan the whole wedding myself, he was horrible to me through it all, he would have no part of my brothers kids. Now hes livign with someone elses kids. My cats got on his nerves let alone someones kids.  I also begged him to move out of the city and he was like oh then i wont have anyone to talk to but you. But with this girl he moved out to the middle of no where to live in her house from her previous marriage. I just dont understand why he is doing all this for her but to me he was horrible???? I dont want him back It is just really frustrating that he seems to be living the life i wanted with someone else and he fought me tooth and nail to get him to grow up.

I understnd how you feel .I went threw the same thing with my first husband,

But part of that didn‘t last.he married her and worked a real good job ,didn‘t like paying me childsupport.But there marraige didn‘t last -he cheated on her and the fought all the time his family said.

he still works all the time ,but he is alone and has know girlfriend or wife.So I look at it this way karma got him and he will never know love and feel love from a woman again.

stay strong and know that some day you will find some one.

I know its probably not as great as I hear it is. He is leaving her to go back home to ireland for a drinking binge while shes 6 months pregnant. You would think he would want to wait till the baby was born and all go together.  Its awful I want him to have nothing for what he has taken from me. I dont wish harm on the baby but I dont have much respect for this girl to get herself pregnant either. She is a social worker you would think she would know better. For all I know is shell be chasing him for child support once he cant take the baby crying all hours of the night

Its just annoying because i dont fall in love easily and to see him get away with using me like that and prosper in this country makes me want to pull my hair out.  And that he honestly believes I abused him.  I did say harsh things but that was when he pushed me to my absolute breaking point and drained the life out of me, I started to act just like him. He was going to put me down then I would do it right back.