Hi Katie
I‘m sorry you are going thru this. I‘m not a therapist, but I‘ve been around a long time.....let‘s see:
You‘ve been engaged for 6 years, but not married yet.
In your case, I think this long engagement is a GOOD thing. If your age is correct, you‘ve been with him since you were 19 y.o. I‘ve been in your shoes, and I can tell you - there‘s a whole lotta growing up to do between 19 - 29. What looks good at 19, or even 25, might not look so good at 29 or 30.
He‘s been thru 5 jobs in 6 years.
Not very reliable, is he? No ambition or career or education path to speak of. Not so good.
He puts you down because of your piercing, your haircuts, and your clothing.
He wants you to dress & look different than you like. He is controlling, and he obviously wants YOU to change to suit HIM. If a guy is really into you, he will love you the way you ARE. He won‘t try to change you.
He has ADHD and gets on your nerves.
If he annoys you so much, why stick with him?
The way he treats you has driven you into therapy and caused you to hurt yourself.
I am glad you are in therapy. Have you talked with the therapist about this guy? Has he or she asked you WHY you are still with him?
Katie - he may or may not be cheating. What he IS doing, however, is being EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE toward you.
My dear, you don‘t need his fvcking bullsh!t! You have enough to deal with, apart from him. Why would you stay with this man when he annoys you, can‘t hold a job, puts you down, etc.?
You deserve better. It‘s going to be nearly impossible for you to work on rebuilding own self-esteem and improving your mental health if you have to deal with his crap.
A positive step might be for you to break up with him, and maintain NO CONTACT with him, forever & ever. You might miss him a little at 1st, but you‘ll be pleasantly surprised at how GOOD you will feel when his negative influence is OUT of your life.
I was with a man for nearly 4 years. He was very subtly emotionally abusive toward me, and he was addicted to Internet porn. Who I was and what I was was never good enough for him. It wore me down so much, it was making me feel dead inside. I went to a therapy group for a while, and COSA, and I gained enough inner strength to confront him, and ultimately leave him.
Almost immediately afterward, people noticed the change in me. They kept telling me how I looked so HAPPY and RELAXED....and I WAS! Even tho I loved the guy....or at least parts of him some of the time...I loved myself MORE. I was finally FREE of his constant put-downs, the feelings of inadequacy. I was FREE to be MYSELF again.
And who I was, was OK!
Katie - who you are is OK too. Separate & protect yourself from this man, and continue on your life journey in peace.
I‘m praying for you,
UB